Thursday, December 15, 2016

Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gifts, Part II

Just in case you haven’t run out and blown your Christmas budget on one of the N-M fantasy gifts I wrote about yesterday, here’s what else was in this year’s catalog.

Are you a shower warbler who fantasizes being coached by Miley Cyrus or Blake Shelton on The Voice? Someone who misses the Glee Club experience? A star gazer? Or “just” a plain old music lover?Why not the EXCLUSIVE GRAMMY AWARDS EXPERIENCE, $500,000. It’s the trip of a lifetime for you and the person you most want to sing a duet with: airfare, ground transpo, a stay at the Peninsula in Beverly Hills, a walk on the red carpet, a backstage tour, a pre-show gala, tickets to the event, hair, makeup and a gift-card each to shop at N-M for your ensemble. (How far will those $1K gift cards go there???)  Oh, and an autographed Grammy Awards poster, and a one-of-a-kind reissue of the gold Gibson Les Paul ‘59. With a display case, just in case you don’t know how to or wouldn’t dare strum a gold Les Paul.

Frankly, I’m a bit disappointed. For half-a-million, I was kind of hoping that you got to sing one of the nominated songs. Shower in the Peninsula only, I’m afraid.

If you don’t want to fly commercial out to LA for the Grammies, you could make your way there in a COBALT VALKYRIE-X PRIVATE PLANE IN ROSE GOLD, $1,500,000. I was going to say jet your way there, but the Colbalt is a piston aircraft, so it maxes out at 230 mph. And with a range of a bit more than 1,000 ground miles, you’d have to take a hop-skip-and-a-jump trip from the East Coast to the West. But I’m thinking that a rose gold aircraft might appeal to someone who’ll be r_FantasyBook_Head1c_091616commuting from NYC to Washington, DC – conveniently, just 230 miles apart, so a doable flight in one hour. The design was “inspired by classic fighter jets.” And just as that certain someone always wanted a Purple Heart, I’m betting that he always wanted a classic fighter jet, too. And I’m sure the tab would be no problem for He Who Must Not Be Named. I’m sure he could find some way to get his campaign, or his foundation, to pay for it. Or he could just order it an stiff them. And, naturally, he would negotiate down the purchase price. After all, $200K goes to charity. $200K to charity? What a sucker play!  (Sad…)

Another item in this year’s fantasy gift catalog is a SLUMBER PARTY AT THE NEIMAN MARCUS FLAGSHIP IN DOWNTOWN DALLAS, $120,000 – “plump twin beds”, custom cocktails, and splosh dinner and breakfast, for you and 11 of your besties. The copy calls it a girls’ night in, but I’m sure it could be co-ed, if you could find a man who wanted to sleep in the N-M flagship store wearing monogrammed N-M PJs, hang out in the Precious Jewels Salon, get a mani, a pedi, a facial, a shampoo, and a blow out,  and watch “fashion flicks.” You’d think they’d be screening The Devil Wears Prada, but the one “fashion flick” they mention is Frederick Wiseman’s 1983 documentary The Store. I’m not familiar with this one of his works, but if it’s anything like Titicut Follies, these PJ-clad besties better be prepared to fasten their seatbelts…

Finally, there’s HIS & HERS NEIMAN MARCUS ISLAND CARS FEATURING LILLY PULITZER, $65,000 EACH “They were carried aboard the yachts of princesses, movie stars, and moguls to use as onshore transport to resorts, restaurants, and adventure..” Here’s the link to a video that will tell you everything you need to know about this one. 

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