Monday, December 19, 2016

Ridiculous but awesome? Yes to ridiculous–awesomely so.

Well, this is the week when everyone in the world who’s found some tradition or other to glom onto wakes up to the grim realization that they have not yet done enough shopping. And since there are only a few brief days to complete that shopping, I’m here to channel Gwyneth Paltrow and help you out, by pointing you in the direction of her Ridiculous But Awesome Gift Guide, which you can browse over on Goop, a “lifestyle” (and consumption) site that Ms. Paltrow awesomely curates.

Who wouldn’t want a $1,000 Dyson robot cleaner? Or a custom pet pendant ($6,850)? But the first item on the list tLeather Bikehat really caught my consumer eye was the $2,995 leather bicycle. I’m not a bicyclist, but I’m guessing that neither the tires nor the frame are made out of leather. But it sure is leather clad – including the kickstand. I don’t think this would be all that practical in an area that got a lot of rain. Wouldn’t the kickstand get sort of mucked up? And I really can’t see a serious cyclist – i.e., someone who would spend $3K on a bicycle – going for a leather bike. But I can, in fact, see Gwyneth the Fair pedaling around the English or the Long Island countryside on one, can’t you?

There’s more, of course. Good thing I didn’t have my heart set on that vintage banana Limoges box, because that sucker is sold out. But no fear. If you’ve got $395 to spend on a Limoges box that looks like a banana, honey, there is no dearth of Limoges boxes out there. If you can think of it, the Limoges have likely figured out how to turn it into a porcelain box. There is, of course, nothing quite as awesomely ridiculous as a banana – that’s the banana’s big appeal – but there are plenty of other fruits and veggies out there, all Limoged up for you.

I can’t go through the entire list here, but I do want to Yurtgive a shout-out to the $120 tube of toothpaste, and the $8,300 decorator yurt. (I can actually envision Gwyneth the Lovable pedaling her leather bicycle to this yurt, can’t you?) By the way it’s an “authentic Mongolian yurts adapted to North American conditions.” Which is more than you can say for that leather bicycle, I’m afraid.

But if you’re going for ridiculously awesome, you can’t do much better than Dennis Hoper’s Personal Record Collection, “a music lover’s dream come true.” Hey, I’m a music lover, and there are plenty of days when I wish I still had my Easy Rider LP. “Born to Be Wild”, baby.  You don’t get to see all the titles on the Hopper list, but I’m hoping that Easy Rider’s in there. We do know that Freewheelin’ Bob Dylan and Pete Seeger at The Village Gate are part of the collection. As is an album compilation of Great Motion Picture Themes. (“Exodus,” “The Apartment,” “The Magnificent Seven”…) Wouldn’t want anyone to bogart that joint.

…this collection provides an incredible view into the world of one of America's most culture-defining men. Along with handwritten notes to the actor from various artists and several unreleased records, this is a very personal biography of Dennis Hopper's musical journey.

Oh. Wow. (Were my sibs and I the only people who called stoner-hippie types “Oh Wowers”?)

The Hopper collection includes 110 albums. If most of those albums were acquired in the 1960’s, then Mr. Hopper paid an average of $3 for each of them. That was 50 years ago, but it does seem that an investment that cost $330 in 1966 and grabs $150,000 – the price of this gift -  50 years on is still a pretty good one. We’re talking each of those albums being “worth” well over $1K. I know Dennis Hopper is famous and everything, but I bet I could get Great Motion Picture Themes for a lot less on eBay.

I was thinking that maybe the price included Dennis Hopper himself, coming over to toke up and do some easy listening with you. Then I remembered that Dennis Hopper is dead. It’s his daughter who’s trying to cash in.

Hasn’t happened yet. I clicked on the Add To My Bag button, and, unlike the banana Limoges box, it appears to be available.

Thanks for curating, Ms. Paltrow.

Oh. Wow.

1 comment:

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