N-M Fantasy Catalogue's thinner this year - but still plenty cray

One of my Christmas traditions is thumbing (virtually) through the Neiman-Marcus Fantasy Gifts (virtual) catalog. What's on offer is never my fantasy, mind you. Yet I'm always intrigued by what's inside.

Last year, what with covid and N-M's financial woes, I found the catalogue somewhat thin. This year's edition is even thinner. And while never too rich, never too thin may be the mantra for N-M shoppers, I don't think it's supposed to apply to the catalogue. 

Nonetheless, whatever made it in to the N-M wishbook was interesting enough to merit a comment or two.

If you like it, then you shoulda put a ring on it

First up, the Mughal Heart Diamond. 

Beyoncé warned men (quite regressively, I must say) that if they like it, they shoulda put a ring on it. But it was Marilyn Monroe who led the way, telling us oh so many years ago that diamonds are a girl's best friend. Especially if someone's going to shell out $6.1 million for a 30.86 carat "internally flawless" rock that has been "coveted by royalty and notable American and European families for more than a century." Talk about put a ring on it. 

And you don't just get the diamond for that kind of money, either. You get renaming rights. Out with Mughal, in with Elon Musk wannabe. The gem is mounted in a ring setting but a) wouldn't it be a little too heavy to wear unless you're keeping our hand in an arm sling? and b) would you wear a $6.1M ring out without a couple of bodyguards?

I think I'll just take the trip to Portugal if that's okay

Plummeting in price from the heights of the soon-to-be-renamed-Mughal diamond is a set of personalized dinnerware that comes with a trip to Portugal. Or the trip comes with the dinnerware. I'm not sure which. Anyway, 

...the pièce de resistance of the trip is the exclusive fine porcelain dinnerware set for 12 designed by you, customized with monograms, a family crest, or a motif of your choosing—it’s the perfect way to keep the memories of your European adventure alive with every dinner party.

Portugal is definitely on my bucket list, but I'm really not interested in personalized dinnerware. I have a perfectly serviceable set of Dansk Bistro, remarkably unchipped after 40 years in use, that I got at the Dansk outlet in Kittery, Maine. And I still love it. 

Who needs monograms? Who has a family crest? Other than those bogus ones they sell all over Ireland. And would you want to eat off of that? Not to mention that hosting a "dinner party" for twelve would give me a nervous breakdown, unless said "dinner party" involved pizza or takeout Chinese. 

But the trip to Portugal? I'm there. Or I will be someday, and for a lot less than $80K.

What's wrong with checking the book out of the library?

I guess that even luxurians don't want to overspend on their kiddos, so for the low, low price of $35K you can:

Ignite your child’s imagination with the Little People, BIG DREAMS™ London Adventure. The perfect gift for avid readers and dreamers alike, this exciting trip will have you and your little one working closely with an illustrator and author to cowrite your own inspirational story and turn it into a book.

Is it just me, or does this have spoiled brat written all over it?

Let's not turn that little one into a narcissist or anything. So how about this: give the kid a pad of paper and some crayons and have them illustrate a book on their own. If you want to help your child co-write their "own inspirational story" - or, better yet, non-inspirational story -  go for it. Just don't put too many words in their mouth, which is what the co-writing author in London will be doing. 

This gift does come with a library of the Little People BIG DREAMS books, so your kid can read up on Elton John, Amanda Gordon, Frida Kahlo, Charles Darwin, Jane Goodall and a whole host of children who made good as adults. David Bowie. Coco Chanel. Jesse Owens. RuPaul. And even a child who's made good without yet becoming an adult. That would be Greta Thunberg. 

Of course, you could buy these books at your local indie for a lot less than $35K. And - get this - you could probably even check them out of your local library. 

So it doesn't come with "25 beautifully printed and hardbound copies of your special edition." But there's always Kinko and a stapler for the DIY masterpiece your little darling can work on instead. 

Charleston! Charleston!

I've never heard of Bronson Van Wyck, but I guess if you want to throw a splosh party in NYC, he's your man. And for $395K he'll throw a raging Roaring Twenties Party for you at the Apollo Theater. 

During this unique experience, the legendary Harlem landmark will open its doors specially for you and 19 guests. Start the night by seeing your name in lights on the marquee, then get ready to be transported back to the decade of decadence and dance the night away on the famed Apollo stage.

Unfortunately, I don't know 19 people who would be willing to put on a Gatsby-inspired costume - even if the par-tay throws in "flapper-esque costume accessories to complete your and your guests' ensemble." Not to mention "1920s-style hair and makeup" for everyone. I can just imagine how a feather boa and a sequinned headband would look with my standard dress up regalia: black pants and a nice top. And I really don't want my hair cut in a short bob. 

And there'd also be the nagging overhang over the entire event. As in what came after the Roaring Twenties? 

Guests all do get an autographed copy of van Wyck's book that, admittedly, comes with an excellent title "Born to Party, Forced to Work." (Sadly, my memoir would be better titled "Born to Work, Forced to Party.")

Schuss!

I'm sure there are plenty of skiers out there who would savor the opportunity to hit the slopes with Lindsay Vonn in Jackson Hole. But would it be worth $235K? Even if it comes with three nights in a suite at a swanky boutique hotel - complete with concierge. Not to mention designer skiwear (from N-M) for you and your buds, and a pair of Lindsey Vonn YNIQ ski goggles. Lift tickets also included.

There's something about this that's just a bit off...

Consider the quandary that someone who likes to drive big might have. He - and a I'm pretty sure I mean he here - wants to roam the earth in a behemoth, a beast. The kind of vehicle that screams 'get the f out of my way.' That's fueled as much on testosterone as it is on fossil fuel. That gets 10 m.p.g.

And that's your quandary. You want the beast. But you're also environmentally aware. 

Neiman-Marcus is offering a $285K answer. 

Make every drive a journey to remember with the one-of-a-kind BARRETT-JACKSON HUMMER EV Edition 1, the world’s first fully electric super truck. Presented by Barrett-Jackson, The World’s Greatest Collector Car Auctions®, this exclusive edition is the ultimate gift for drivers with an eye on the future.

No word on the mileage, but this Hummer does have a custom interior curated by an automotive expert. And a bespoke steering wheel - whatever that means. 

I dunno. Something about an EV Hummer just strikes me as being just a bit off.

And that's that for this year's skimpy little old N-M Fantasy Gifts. Skimpy or not, as always, it's plenty cray-cray. And definitely not for the light of pocketbook. 

Enjoy your window shopping!