Famous Volcano Has Strange Effect On Women

I like to think of myself as someone who pays absolutely no attention to ads, but this is absolutely not true. I may not respond to them, but I do pay plenty of attention. Ads are always catching my eye. Or my ear. Or both.

In the former category was a full-page ad that appeared in a recent Economist.

Their ads are generally low-key and/or highbrow. Quarter page b&w or full-page 4-color for an upscale business or for someone to direct the railway system in some Indian state. And then there was one with this headline:

Famous Volcano Has Strange Effect On Women

And this subhead:

Man and nature collaborate to create a glamorous green ring guaranteed to rock her world!

Well, mark me down as someone who wouldn’t mind at all if man and nature were to collaborate to rock my world, but I’m afraid the Spirit Lake Helenite Ring doesn’t have a strange effect on me:

Okay, it’s only $99 – and they throw a pair of stud earrings in for
“FREE” (EXCLUSIVE). But this deal definitely doesn’t grab me in the least. 

The ad also contains this gobbledygook:

Your Offer Code: SLR520-02. You must use this insider offer code to get our special price.

Special price only for customers using the offer code versus the price on Sauer.com without your offer code.

Of course, the price on the website – $478 – has all kind of red-letter notices that, if you use the online offer code, the ring and studs cost only $99. So…

Okay, it’s not in the same league as an email from a Nigerian prince,
but I really would like to know whether anyone in the history of Helenite (the manmade gemstone made from Mount St. Helen’s ash) ever paid that $478 for this jewelry. I’m guessing no.  And I’m also guessing that there aren’t a lot of Economist readers who took advantage of this fantastic offer, unless there are some teenage boy readers out there who fell for the “strange effect on women” headline and ordered one for the teenage girl of their dreams. Or for Dear Old Mom.

The other ad that caught my eye, and my ear, is the one that educates us about PD. It shows the zipper area of a pair of jeans, partially unzipped, and asks:

If you’re curved below the belt…

Well, if you are curved in your nether regions, you might well have PD, which stands for Peyronie’s Disease, which I’m quite sure is no laughing matter. Not familiar with PD? It’s basically curvature of the penis, and if your penis curves like a scimitar, it apparently can be painful. The pharma company running the ad presumably has a drug the helps with PD, but it’s not mentioned.

Unlike the ad for the Spirit Lake Helenite Ring, the PD ad does have a strange effect on this woman. And that effect is to think need-to-know-basis, and to wish it out of my hearing and sight.

For crying out loud – which is how we used to say ‘for fuck’s sake’ in the quaint old days before we had ads for PD and ED – I was just getting over being bombarded by ads for ED. I’ve pretty much become inured to them to the point where I don’t even know if the Viva Viagra and Cialis in the bathtubs ads are still running. I’m guessing that if they are still on the air, they’re airing on the same network where I’m seeing an occasional PD ad, which is MSNBC, which presumably appeals to the demographic that would be concerned with both PD and ED.

Maybe it’s like the ads for Frebreeze that talk about being noseblind. I no longer notice the ED ads. Thankfully.

Anyway, I remember when it was a big deal to have ads on TV for “feminine” products like tampons. Guess this was one area in which grrrllll power was ahead of the curve. (Note: curve curve, not penile curve) We’ve come a long way, baby.

Speaking of which, there’s also an ad that considers the ladies for the Book of the Month Club – and who knew that Book of the Month (which I grew up with, and subscribed to on my own as a young adult) still existed? In this ad, women are raving about getting their monthly book, and those listening to them think they’re talking about getting their periods. The ad belabors the point, but it’s pretty funny. At least the first time around.

As it turns out, Book of the Month is remaking itself by aiming at women in their 20’s and 30’s. (Interesting article on BOMC on Wapo can be found here.)

Guess us old gals will have to stick with Amazon and Kindle.

And maybe I should turn off MSNBC (and put down The Economist) and pick up a good book for a change. Think of it: AD FREE!