So many Goop guides, so little time. Part One.

Twelve days of Christmas?

I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t care less about lords a leaping, maids a milking, and a partridge in a pear tree.

But one item from each of the dozen Goop gift guides?

Now you’re talking!

From the Stocking-Stuff Guide

I’ll admit that I was a bit intrigued by the Porcelain Geopipes, mostly because I couldn’t figure out how you’d actually smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. And I don’t smoke. So I had to put any thoughts of sitting around chillaxing with a porcelain geopipe out of my mind and settle instead on the Emotional Detox Bath Soak.  Who couldn’t use some emotional detox? I don’t have a bathtub, but I promise to give one of the packs in the three-pack to whichever tub-owning sister invites me over for a soak.

The One Step Ahead Gift Guide

The coolest of the cool for the most discerning among us. As someone who is both cool and discerning, I figured there’d be a lot for me in this guide. I guess to be a cool and discerning goopster, you have to be a rich goopster, as most of the stuff in this catalogue was pretty pricey. And a lot of it was pretty ugly, too. Ugly $400 sneakers? Ugly $295 shorts? An ugly $13,800 ring (make that a “triple ruched ribbon ring”)?

As a New England I almost opted for the self-heating down parka. But then I saw the Collapsible Helmet. Just because. Just because those squirrels in the Boston Common are now running the size of racoons, and any day now one of them might decide to drop an acorn on my head.

The Traveler

I’ve got a few trips lined up (at least in my mind) for 2019, so I thought I’d find some goodies on this list. I wasn’t disappointed. I actually liked a lot of the stuff in this catalogue. Most of it was useful, albeit often a tad precious (this is Goop, after all). That Riviera Striped Beach Tent? What can I say? I want it, even though I never hang out on the beach and thus don’t need a beach tent.

But finally, even though I have about 3 or 4 of variation on theme universal adapters around around here – somewhere -  I’m decided on the Plugbug Duo International Multi Device Charger. Makes me want to go somewhere and plug something into a strange outlet.

The Wellness Junkie Gift Guide

I could gladly have given this one a pass, but in the interests of thoroughness I though I’d take a peak. A Moroccan Rose Beldi Soap. A Kessi Mitt. Detox this. Yoga that. Juice stuff. This is Goop at its Gwyneth Paltrow finest. Too bad the Kishu Binchotan Charcoal was sold out. 

We’re all trying to de-plastic our lives these days. Just say no to CVS bags and drinking straws. So I’m in on the Rose Quartz Crystal Straw. A bargain at $68. Can’t wait to slurp an Arnold Palmer through that sucker.

The Host Gift Guide

Not that we’re off to each other’s abodes for country weekends at Downton Abbey, but my friends and family do visit around, and we’ve pretty much locked arms and decided that no one needs another bowl or plate. Which is kinda sorta too bad, because there some pretty bowl-ish and plate-ish (and not that expensive) items in this guide. The striped Sugar Bowl – which would look terrific with the Riviera Beach Tent – was particularly sweet. Some of the stuff less so: we don’t go in for things like the $695 Anti-Pasti Knife Set. Who even knew there were special anti-pasti knives?

However, given our commitment to only bring host(ess) gifts that can be consumed, I’ll go with the $48 Super Suds Gift Set. And I’ll go with it knowing full well that the mother of anybody who’s home I will enter, gift bag in hand, would be appalled at the thought of anyone spending $12 on a bar of soap. (“What are you, crazy? Money doesn’t grow on trees?”) Then again, you can’t exactly show up at someone’s help with a couple of bars of Dove or Irish Spring.

The Under-18 Gift Guide

I’ve already completed my under-18 gift shopping. The 17 year old is getting cash. The 12 year old is getting a Red Sox World Series tee-shirt. And the 11 and 8 year olds are getting outfits for their American Girl Dolls. None of them are exactly Goop-type kids to begin with, so even if I wasn’t done, I wouldn’t be Goop-shopping for them. But I thought I’d take a look. 

A lot of the stuff appeared aimed at teenage girls – future Goop lifestyle type folks, I guess. And babies. (Like the cashmere infant socks and an organic cotton kimono.) There was a kid-sized collapsible helmet. And, for pint-sized vegans, a wooden toy salad kit. As a book-ish type shopper, I would have considered the sold-out Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls, but I’ll have to go with the Alphabet Book. No run of the mill words here. This one goes from Astronaut to Zeppelin, with stops along the way for Lightbulb, Robot, and Yeti. A B-is-for-Bargain at $9.

Tomorrow I’ll window shop the remaining six Good catalogues.