Monday, May 15, 2017

I’d say this is a pretty targeted audience

If you’re looking for a 14-karat gold example of “a house is not a home,” look no further than Opus Beverly Hills. It’s on sale for $100 million, has 7 bed, 11 bath (yawn) and comes with the requisite infinity pool. (Okay, I’m Opus infinity poolseriously jealous on that front.) And, although I don’t know if I could live with it full-time, it does have a seriously cool modern aesthetic that I like. (I always admire houses like this. My friends Joyce and Tom live in a smaller version – without the gold and some of the amenities, but quite beautiful all the same. But when I try to actually envision myself living in a super modern place, I can’t quite picture curling up with a good book, or taking a nap, or making a snack for myself. I find myself asking where I’d put important stuff like my grandmother’s cookie jar or the steer horns that hung in Rogers’ Brothers Saloon. And I find myself asking whether I could actually living in one permanently. Even at Joyce and Tom’s, a house that I love and which actually is a home.)

Nah, Opus is just too much of a good thing.

Seriously, could you see yourself and your friends and fam hanging out and having a good time in this living room?

Opus living room

Will the words ‘while you’re up, could you get more of the veggie dip’ ever be uttered in this room? Or even, ‘bring in the rest of that bottle of prosecco.’ I think not.

Among the other Opus amenities is a beauty salon. Because why not. Opus beauty parlorAnd a lot of other stuff. It’s actually a quite peculiar aesthetic. Tasteful modern (I.e., lots of grey) and a ton of Trumpian gold. Including a wine cellar stocked with bottles Cristal swathed in gold. And two gold cars, a Lamborghini and a Rolls. Plus there’s a big gold O outside the house. Just so you know you’re home. Or house.

Furniture, art work, and, hey, two-years worth of concierge, all rolled into the price.

See all about it – there’s nothing to read – here.

And make sure you check out the video. Because to sell this $100M baby, the owners made what seems to be a movie trailer for some outré soft-core porn film, featuring the golden girls. Here’s a sneak preview:Goldfinger

So, who’s the audience for this sort of place. Auric Goldfinger was a fictional character. And even if he were for real, and hadn’t been killed in the movie (wasn’t he?), he’d likely be dead by now.

So I’d venture that there’s a pretty limited audience for Opus Beverly Hills: Russian oligarch, rock star of the bling-y variety, professional athlete. And not just because they have the money. It’s that it’s there kind of place.

But I may need to widen my target market definition. I saw in people that Nile Niami, who developed O and also auteured the pornish video – he used to make movies -  once designed house/houses/home/homes for the Winkelvoss twins. Remember the WInkelvi? They were the prepped out Harvard whiners who went complaining to then-Harvard President Larry Summers that Mark Zuckerberg stole their idea and turned it into Facebook.

I don’t know, I don’t O. But this just doesn’t seem like a Harvard kind of place.


Thanks to my discerning sister Trish for pointing the story of O my way.

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