Friday, February 27, 2015

You look smokin’ in that hoodie, dude.

The awesome-ness of our infinitely, ridiculously inventive economy never ceases to amaze me.

Oh, sure, some of what comes out of our awesome infinitely, ridiculously inventive economy is actually brilliant and useful. As in where would us blogsters be without our laptops and the Internet?

But some of it is just plain awesomely ridiculous.

As in the recent introduction of clothing for smokers, clothing that is, in fact, a device for smoking. Think cloth hookah. Think sweatshirt material bong. And don’t bogart that joint, my friend, throw it in the washing machine.

If you’re down with Magritte, ceci may not be une pipe:

Magritte pipeBut there are two - count ‘em, two – clothing lines getting into it over who got their first, and who does it better.

In this corner, Hood Horkerz, “Patent Pending hoodies which enable the user to smoke out of their drawstrings.”

Well, if that isn’t a dream come true, I don’t know what is.

For inventor Sean Owens, necessity was the father of invention:

“I was at my buddy’s snowboard shop and he didn’t have a pipe to smoke out of and I kinda pulled on mHood Horkerzy hoodie strings and was like, ‘Man! This would be the perfect place for a pipe!’”

After Owens took a trip to Home Depot he constructed the first hoodie and brought it to a party. “Everyone was like, ‘Aw man, where can I get one?’ And I was like, ‘Nowhere… yet.’” (Source: Buzzfeed)

And with that, Owens went out and made it happen.

Variation on a theme of those joke hard-hats that hold a couple of cans of beer (with tube-straws in them). But, hey, everything can’t be new-new, and so much of the march of consumer progress is these slight modifications. (Owens also came up with a vape-version, but the pipe one was cheaper to make.)

And speaking of modifications,

Hood Horkerz offers a glass bowl on one end of the drawstring and a mouthpiece on the other.

No wonder that their web site offers this disclaimer:

We do not warrant that the quality of any products, services, information, or other material purchased or obtained by you will meet your expectations, or that any errors in the Service will be corrected. (Source: Hood Horkerz)

No warranty on quality? Huh? Not exactly the L.L. Bean no questions asked, replace it whenever guarantee, is it?

HOOD HORKERZ or its employees, third party contracts, and manufactures, are not responsible for the use and practice of any instructions herein. Those who follow all broadcast listed or served herein assume all risk of being offended or suffering any other form of damage.

I wouldn’t mind assuming the “risk of being offended.” That’s pretty much inherent in any clothing item. But then there’s the disclaimer about “suffering any other form of damage,” which could, I suspect, be an issue when that clothing item has “a glass bowl on one end of the drawstring and a mouthpiece on the other.” If that doesn’t scream DANGER, I don’t know what would. (By the way, is this material combustible?)

In the other corner is VapRWear. which apparently picks up the slack(er) left by Hood Horkerz decision not to focus on vapers.

VapRWear, founded by Elvis “Papi” Edwards, focuses exclusively on vape sweatshirts.

Buzzfeed - smoker clothing - 1

Edwards was inspired by Owens, but, having seen their hoodies, he “knew how to make them better.”

And, since he “only smokes hemp oil out of his vapes” he had no interesting catering to the weed brigade.

The VapRwear sweatshirt works with an e-cig vaporizer that gets screwed on to one end of the hood’s laces and smoked through the other. (Source: back to BuzzFeed)

Unlike Hood Horkerz, VapRWear is not so much about the disclaimer, and more about the genius behind:

vapRwear is the brainchild of Elvis “Papi” Edwards, a Caribbean native, former athlete, socialite, model, actor, and entrepreneur.  With recent changes in Colorado legislation, Papi saw an opportunity to blend comfort with discreet functionality – and vapRwear was born. (Source: VapRWear)

Screw-on vaporizer gizmo? That’s some discreet functionality.

Anyway, Owens and Edwards have been sniping back and forth for a while about who’s what they used to call da bomb.

But both fellows agree that they have seen the future, and it’s not wearbles, it’s smokables.

“If you are a designer and you don’t have a smokable line, you are out of business,” Papi told BuzzFeed News. “I swear, next New York Fashion Week, you’ll see VapRwear on the runway.”

I’ll tell my good friend at N-M to be on the lookout for it at the next NYFW.

“Oh yeah, smokable clothing is it,” Owens echoed. “Everyone will be wearing it soon.”

Well, maybe not everyone

Anyway, it all gives new meaning to the concept of the smoking jacket, doesn’t it?


And a puff of Pink Slip smoke to my sister Trish, for sending this one my way.

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