A few weeks back, my dog nephew Jack went on vacation.
Not surprisingly, it coincided with my sister’s family vacation which Jack, alas, was not able to go on.
He did get to spend a fun week with his dog walkers, their dog and their one year old.
I’m not sure how much this set my sister back, but I’m guessing it was substantially less than the $73K dog vacation that a “luxury experience” company is promoting.
Forget the doghouse, this one takes Fido to the Paw Seasons hotel in Bristol England, home of luxury breaks for dogs.
Paw Seasons doesn’t just throw vacationing pups a bone.
They advertise something that you probably won’t see offered by most mainstream human hotels, and that’s bedhopping:
We can’t promise finest Egyptian cotton, but the beds here are very comfortable, and there’s no extra cost if your dog wishes to share one with a friend or two.
Get lucky, dawg…
In truth, the Paw Seasons looks wonderful. If I lived in the UK and had a dog, I would definitely consider sending him or her off to Paw Seasons (as long as its references checked out, of course). It not only looks beautiful, it sounds charming and fun, with or without the bedhopping. (With respect to that, I’m guessing that, unless you have an unspayed girl doggy off on a holiday fling, what happens at Paw Seasons stays at Paw Seasons. And even if she does a big of bedhopping, as hopper or hoppee, that unspayed dog-gette might be safe. Paw Seasons doesn’t accept “entire males” which can “upset the balance.” I’ve never heard of an “entire male” before, but I think I get their meaning.)
From a cost standpoint, Paw Seasons also sounds reasonable. It only charges £30 - £50 per night (which includes VAT).
But for $73K, you’re getting a lot more than a charming English country cottage, walks on the beach, and bedhopping.
For starters, this is an exclusive: only ONE dog will get to go on this trip, the VeryFirstTo and, I guess, the Very Last To Go.
Swimming, surfing, reiki, card playing, spa & groom, hurdling with an Olympic athlete, a counselling session, and a personal chef are all included.
I get the swimming, spa and groom, and even the personal chef. And I guess it might be fun to hurdle with an Olympian. Reiki? Oh, why not. What’s good for the human is good for the canine.
But what, pray tell, does card playing mean.
Frisbie hurl, I could see. But as clever as dogs are, I can’t see most of them playing any card game that’s any more complicated than 52 Card Pickup. And good luck, getting them to actually do much of that picking up.
As for that counseling session? I just want to know if shrink-patient confidentiality rules mean that the pup’s “parents” don’t get to find out their lovey’s innermost thoughts. (At least that means they’ll never have to hear that their dog hates his adopted mother for wresting him from his real mother’s front tit when he hadn’t had enough, and for giving his leash a tug just when he’s found something really worth smelling on that 10-below-zero, midnight walk.)
The vacation also includes dog-oriented movies, like Lassie and 101 Dalmatians, neither of which I can imagine any self-respecting dog sitting through. Now sleeping and farting through, that’s another story.
But if the movies aren’t of interest, the dream vacation also offers a hand-crafted doghouse that’s a replica of the dog’s own home.
Then there’s the Louis Vuitton collar and Bottega Veneta leash.
Dog owners aren’t forgotten, either, which is key, given that the average dog is not going to be thinking of bringing a souvenir home for the folks.
…owners receive a bespoke solid bronze car mascot of the dog as well as a portrait by artist Jo Chambers, and are kept updated throughout via Facebook and YouTube.
A $10K donation to charity is also part of the package.
Even with all that bespoke stuff – the doghouse, the “solid bronze car mascot” – whatever that is – the portrait; and even with the $10K charitable donation, it’s really no surprise that no one’s signed up for this one of a kind luxury dog vacation. Which is not to say that there won’t be one big spender who decides to go for it just because. And even if there isn’t any oligarch or oil-royal or celebritante who thinks that a $73K vacation for a dog is a mere bagatelle, it’s certainly excellent press for the Very First To publicity hound.
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Original source: ABC, via my sister Trish, who will NOT be sending Jack on this particular jaunt anytime soon.
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