Dear Elster: as if you need yet another reason to despise the NY Yankees.

Last summer, right after Yankees’ owner George Steinbrenner died, a 77 year old Ohio woman dredged up some ancient correspondence she’d had with George, from a time when they’d dated in the late 1940’s – early 1950’s.  Mary Jane Elster (now Schriner) was 16 at the time their friendship started, George was 18.  The Norman Rockwell-sweet, completely and utterly innocuous letters were mentioned (and quoted from) in a NY Times article last July, in a reminiscence pulled together by Schriner’s son.

The reminiscence revealed a kinder, gentler Steinbrenner than those of us who have followed the Evil Empire over the years might recognize.  And a kinder, gentler time – an aw-shucks, sippin’ soda through a straw,  time straight out of the sorts of bland teen romances I gobbled up at age 11. (Sixteenth Summer, Seventeen, Double Date, Donna Parker on Her Own.) 

Here’s an excerpt from a letter George wrote:

“Well, Elster, I bought a pair of white bucks today, and I thought you would be pleased to know that I plan to wear them all around the Hicksville town we live in. You can laugh till the cows come home, and it won’t bother me.”

Now Mrs. Schriner (nee Elster) wants to use the letters in a little book she’s putting together about her relationship with George – which, by the way, ended up going nowhere, perhaps – as Mrs. Scrhiner surmised -  because Mary Jane was Catholic, and George was Protestant. (Ah, those were the days.)

I can’t imagine that there’d be a colossal audience for this type of book, but it’s the sort of thing that might get some local play in her town, or be purchased by die-hard Yankees fans. (Or die-hard fans of good old days, bobby-soxer, sweetness and light.)

Mrs. Schriner, however, has been denied use of the letters by the Yankees. (The Steinbrenners, apparently, are within their rights, as the copyright owner of the content to refuse permission to publish, although they have no claim on the physical letters themselves.)

Lonn Trost, the Yankees’ chief operating officer, told Schriner’s son Michael in an e-mail last month that “regardless of anyone’s intent,” publication of the letters “will cause untold embarrassment and damages to the Steinbrenner family and the Steinbrenner’s business interests.” Trost declined to say what offended the family. (Source: NY Times.)

Untold embarrassment? Damages to business interests?

We’re not talking anything sordid here: this is not the untold story of a cad knocking a sweet young thing up. Nary a whiff of sex, drugs, or rock ‘n roll. We’re talking about a tiff the two had after Mary Jane refused to do the Mexican hat dance. About going to see Twelve O’Clock High, then heading to the ice cream parlor.  (Gee, George, do you really think that any flyers really went crazy during the war?) About George announcing he was going to kiss Mary Jane, and Mary Jane flying out of the car:

“Please get back in the car. [George said.] If my parents find out about this, I’m in big trouble.”

Yes, indeed, I can see how this would cause untold embarrassment.

Perhaps the Yankees are concerned that the letters will damage Steinbrenner’s well-honed reputation as a vindictive, manipulative, nasty jerk.

Mrs. Schriner is a forgiving soul:

“I tried to put myself in George’s wife’s position,” she said, referring to Joan Steinbrenner. “Maybe it’s hurtful to hear that someone else had a relationship with him. But I was 16. There’s nothing in those letters to upset her. They’re sort of boring.”

This was not An Affair to Remember or Madame Bovary. Or even Romeo and Juliet. 

This was big nothing.

No date rape. No back room abortion. No nastiness. No bad behavior. No uttered slurs.

This is pure Andy Hardy meets Polly Benedict.

It is unimaginable that anyone in Steinbrenner’s family – even his grieving widow -  would be offended by anything contained in Mrs. Schriner’s little memoir. Are the Steinbrenners so rapacious that the idea of someone making a buck off of these letters drives them nuts? (And, in truth, a buck is probably all Mrs. Schriner was ever going to make off of her book.)

The Yankees have also asked the Baseball Hall of Fame not to accept/display the letters.

But they couldn’t stop the Schriners from trying to sell them on eBay, where they were originally looking for a minimum bid of $100k, later relisted at $50K – and bidding closed with nary a nibble. Those price tags seem to suggest that the Schriners themselves may be suffering a bit of absurdity-itis. Maybe they caught it from the Yankees. (Perhaps if one of the letters had a water stain that looked like Mother Teresa, or even like George Steinbrenner, they could command that high a price.)

So, if you’re looking for another reason to root against the Yankees (currently playing in the American League Championship Series), have at it. Personally, I didn’t need one.

Hiss, boo, Lonn Trott.  Hiss, boo, Yankees.

Let’s go, Rangers!