Thursday, September 24, 2009


It's not as if I've never watched TV, listened to music, or had a glass of wine while in bed, but I am nonetheless aghast at the idea of a bedframe that comes with "built-in TVs, iPod docking stations, wine coolers, safes and other guy-friendly gadgetry."  Then again, I'm not particularly interested in 'guy-friendly gadgetry". (In fact, I don't even want to think about what it might entail. Also, I'm guessing that the built-in safe is a safe-safe, to stash loot in. Not a safe. I told you I didn't really want to think about those built-in gadgets.)

Apparently there are some consumers - namely "guys" - who are willing to pay big bucks for a  fully tricked out bed, like the $30K honey with the built in flat-screen TV, surround sound, laptop plugs, and champagne cooler featured in an article in yesterday's WSJ. The Hollandia Sphere can be covered in suede and microfiber. Hubba-hubba.

A thirty-something real-estate investor in Philadelphia - surprisingly, he is married -  bought one. His wife apparently wasn't that turned on by the fact that "the flat screen can bexec_bede lowered into the footboard." Or that she got to pick out the fabric. (Does it come in chintz, I wonder?) As the saying goes, "His wife declined to comment" for the article, which I suspect was not exactly what happened when the dreamliner was introduced. At least this bed looks like a bed - hide-o-matic flat screen aside.

Did I say bed?

Must have been the poor night's sleep I had on my Tempurpedic that caused me to mis-speak.

Hollandia doesn't sell beds, they sell sleep systems, like the Elite:

The newest, most indulgent and luxurious advanced sleep system yet! Includes a state-of-the-art Sony Bravia® Theater System that contains a Retractable 32” Flat Panel HDTV, a DVD/CD Changer, Five Speaker Surround Sound System, Subwoofer and i-Pod Docking Station. The 32” Sony flat screen TV that sits 80” from the headboard, exceeding the normal 1:3 ratio of screen size to view distance. Includes a superior Vita Talalay latex mattress – the highest quality material to assure point-to-point support and plush comfort. Plus, a Flexible Shoulder Zone to accommodate side sleepers by adjusting to improve blood flow and eliminate numbing and tingling. Customizable designer styling in a choice of fabric and colors.

Am I the only one who believes that the more extra, added attractions you lard on to the fundpjMANBEDamental whatever, the more likely you are to have some non-essential break down on you. Not to mention go obsolete. If I'm paying $30 to $50K for a bed, I expect it to last more than the life span one can expect from TVs, DVD changers, and iPod docking stations. This bed could end up with all kinds of weird vestigial organs on it.

The techno-beds  - there's even one that sports a Lamborghini logo (vroom, vroom, big guy) - are  meant to lure men into taking part in - and spending more on - the sorts of household purchases that the lady of the house has typically been more involved in. Not to mention that these things have "bachelor pad" written all over them in the same way that pinto patterned sling back chairs and chrome and black dining sets had in the 1980's.

As for the models with the built in safes:

"A lot of our male customers want to keep a gun close to them at night, so now they have the option to have a safe in the bed," says Maya Ben, Hollandia International's vice president of operations. "It gives them peace of mind."

I have to admit that, after a certain point, the benefits of getting older are decidedly outweighed by the negatives (starting, but not ending, with crepey arm skin: yuck!). 

But I do have to say that I draw no small comfort in knowing with 100% certainty that I will never find myself alone in a bar and, after a judgement-lapsing Cosmo or two, end up going home with some guy who opens up his man-cave bed safe to show me where he's stored his Glock.

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