R. I. (Virtual) P.

Yesterday was, of course, Memorial Day, so this week seems a fitting one in which to give a nod to Eternal Space, where an article I saw on CNN tells us, you can "create customized online gravesites and memorial pages."

Now, memorial pages/websites are quite one thing.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more sense they make, especially for the generations that are growing up online. Why not have a place where you can keep pictures and videos, and have folks post remembrances?  Sure, they would no doubt attract some weirdos who didn't know the deceased or their friends and family, yet would have no problem rummaging around the online gravesite of a complete stranger.

Hmmmmm. Why did I write "weirdo" here?

I can definitely see me doing it, in the same way that I walk around the cemetery when I'm there to plant geraniums, noting the tacky gravestones, mawkish sentiments, and odd little mementos that people increasingly leave there. Not to mention the decorations... A couple of years ago, someone decorated a grave near that of my parents with Halloween lights, ghost figurines, and signs that said "Boo." On one hand, it was pretty darned appropriate, on the other....

And, what are these online memorial sites, really? They're just super-charged, technicolor, full-motion, interactive obituaries.  Having grown up reading the obituaries (a.k.a., the Irish sports pages), I don't think there's absolutely anything wrong with combing through the lives of others, known and unknown.

So, strike the word "weirdo."

But anyone who doubts that weirdos, and insensitive, ethically challenged morons, won't be drawn to online memorial sites doesn't read enough online "commentary."

Those who try to draw comfort from online memorials for their loved ones will, no doubt, have to contend with notes like, "No wonder your kid died, she's ugly!" and "Who cares? Your father was nothing but a double-l loser." (Only loser will be spelled wrong; it will be in there as "looser.")

No, I don't have a lot of faith in the great unwashed not to be crass and ugly. When we were in the limo heading from the funeral parlor to the church for my mother's funeral, some charming young folks in the car next to us stuck their heads out the window, laughed at us, and gave us the finger. (Hadn't they ever sung, 'Never laugh when a hearse goes by/For you might be the next to die'?)

But other than editing out the meanies, and the slightly creepy factor of having strangers watching videos of your wedding reception, the online memorial idea is fine. (And that "creepy factor" really only pertains to those of us of a certain, pre-YouTube, pre-Twitter age, who aren't used to every jot and tittle of our life - and death - being made public.)

But two aspects of the Eternal Space offerings I do find peculiar. One is the Tribute Gifts:

... friends, family, and colleagues [can] pay their respects and dedicate personalized Tribute Gifts in memory of a loved one. Gifts are items that played a part in the life of the deceased or hold unique sentimental value to the giver, and can be placed thoughtfully inside an EternalSpace memorial landscape.

I couldn't tell exactly what a virtual flower basket, football helmet, Swedish flag, or scales of justice costs, but the subtle little "cart" in the upper right hand corner of the virtual gravesites I visited does suggest that you pay something. This strikes me as a waste of money - that could go to the American Cancer Society or the church building fund or the DAV or some other charity of the deceased's choice.

Too many Tribute Gifts, and you could also end up in an incredibly gunked up "memorial landscape", as every one picks out something meaningful to leave behind. What if 100 people all want to leave the knitting basket or the statue of Jesus or the saddle?

Maybe the family can "request that Tribute Gifts be omitted."

And then there's the memorial landscapes themselves.

Tasteful backdrop, that's fine. But some of the ones I looked at have gravestones - as if the person were buried on the site - which, I suppose, they are in a virtual, "immersive technology" kind of way.

Those headstones are a bit too Second Life - or is it First Death? - for my tastes. But I will say this about inserting one in your memorial landscape. There's no pussyfooting around about whether your loved one has "passed," or is "no longer with us.' Nothing says DEAD like a headstone with your name and birth and death dates on it.

Personally, I'm not planning on a headstone, virtual or otherwise.  Ashes to ashes, and I'll want my ashes tossed in the ocean or left in the woods, with maybe a smidge - no more than a grain - to be casually dropped from the bleachers into center field at Fenway Park.

But I will be okay with an online memorial page - although I don't really care if it's "available forever." I don't really think my loved ones will need a "limitless and everlasting place" to remember me.  Sure, keep it up for a while, but the minute you get sent a hosting bill for my slice of the after life of immersive technology, please forget about it. Take the money and buy yourself an ice cream sundae or a nice glass of champagne, and keep my memory alive where it really matters: in your hearts and minds.

When you're gone, I'll be gone. And you know what? That's really going to be okay.