That's Sir Allen Stanford, to you, bub

Hard Work. Clear Vision. Value for the Client.

Given all the economic news these days, one of the few cheery things left for us to do is to read the website copy of disgraced financial outfits.

Before it was taken down and replaced with a no-fun trustee site, Bernie Madoff's was a garden of web-ly delights:

The owner's name is on the door. Clients know that Bernard Madoff has a personal interest in maintaining the unblemished record of value, fair-dealing, and high ethical standards that has always been the firm's hallmark.

Poor Bernie! Unblemished record one day, zit as big as the Ritz the next.

While the Madoff saga has as yet to grow old to me, I certainly don't want to skimp on Allen Stanford.

Or, rather, Sir Allen Stanford. Or as I'm starting to think of him, Sir Allen of Mexia. (That's Mexia, Texas, to you, bub.)

Like so many of those who are knighted, Sir Allen's origins are somewhat humble. I believe that his grandfather, Lodis Stanford, started out as a barber, before establishing the real estate and insurance business that became Sir Allen's fiefdom. Grandpappy Lodis' - or should I say Grandpater Lodis' -

...philosophy of hard work, clear vision and value for the client remains the cornerstone of Stanford’s success today.

And as befits a nobleman, Sir Allen has done many noble things that go well beyond merely making money what can only be called the old fashioned way, given that the eponymous Mr. Ponzi hung out his shingle in the 1920's.

Sir Allen is "one of the world’s leading investors in developing economies. He recently launched a US$2 billion investment fund earmarked for upscale development projects in the Caribbean."  He's made St. Jude Children's Research Hospital his "charity of choice," which I'm sure Marlo Thomas thought was a wonderful thing at the time - I do hope those checks cleared. And that charities, especially one as worthy and outstanding as St. Jude - hard to think of a better cause, isn't it? which somehow makes things all the worse -  aren't impacted by any clawbacks when the Ponzi'd investors come clawing back around for their money.

Sir Allen also has private enterprise team that helps out with "disaster needs in the Caribbean and Latin America."

Given that he owns half of Antigua, wonder if they'll be helping out with the disaster there of Sir Allen's own making?

And speaking of teams, Sir Allen's:

...companies have established a significant presence in golf, polo, tennis, cricket and sailing, the same sports that resonate with Stanford’s high net worth client base.

Interesting, when the news first broke about Sir Allen's business, it came out that one of those impacted by Sir Allen's shenanigans was one Johnny Damon, a high net worth client baseball player, who had his checking account frozen because his money manager had placed some of his funds with broker dealers who had accounts with Stanford entities.

Johnny, who is not as far as I know Sir Johnny, is a former member of The Red Sox, whose fan club was, in days of yore, known as the Royal Rooters. (Once you start looking, fancy Brit sounding names are everywhere, are they not?)  More democratically, the club's fans are now know as Red Sox Nation. Alas, Johnny chose to abdicate his position in center field for the Olde Towne Team, leaving a city where he was considered a king, to ply his trade in New York, where he's just another rich guy who hits a ball with a stick.

Speaking of rich guys hitting a ball with a stick, like most baseball players, Johnny no doubt plays golf.

Somehow, I don't really see tennis, sailing, or polo - let alone cricket - resonating with Johnny.

But Johnny may not be fully representative of Sir Allen's high net worth client base.

Perhaps it was his fondness for cricket and not, as is speculated, for monetary reasons, that Sir Allen re-lo'd to Antigua and Barbuda in the first place.

Polo may be big there as well, since it is a British Commonwealth Nation.

One clear connection between Sir Allen and cricket and polo has got to be Baylor University (Waco, Texas), where he matriculated.

I didn't even bother to go to Baylor's site to confirm what I know intuitively: Baylor U is a hotbed of polo and cricket.

Polo - hey, it's Texas: think horses.

And cricket. If you don't think Baylor has smashing cricketeers well, sticky wicket to you. I bet a lot of Baylor's cricket stars come, in fact, straight out of Mexia High School.

Anyone sitting there scratching his or her head and asking, what about "Friday Night Lights"?

Pish tosh.

Football just doesn't resonate with a high net worth client base.

Sir Allen, by the way:

...is the first American to be knighted by that British Commonwealth nation and was appointed Knight Commander of the Most Distinguished Order of the Nation.

Which makes him, I'm guessing, the Antiguan equivalent of Sir Winston Churchill when he was made an honorary American citizen, no?

You should know that knights and princes keep company. Sir Allen was knighted:

...in a ceremony attended by His Royal Highness Prince Edward, Earl of Wessex, in celebration of the country's Silver Jubilee in November 2006.

Sneering because Prince Edward is the least well known of QE2's four children? Thinking that he was fobbed off on Antigua's Silver Jubilee because everyone else in the Royal Fam had better things to do? ("Please, Edward, don't make me cross. Mummy is not asking you, she's telling you. And do remember to cover your bald spot and use SPF 45. The sun can be terribly so in The Colonies.")

All I can say is: Prince Edward has a big island in Canada named after him, which is more than you can say for Prince Charles, Princess Anne, or Prince Andrew.

There is just so much to fall in love with on Sir Allen's website, and it's not all polo and knighthood in flower.

You can also learn about the Stanford Investment Model:

The objective of the Stanford Investment Model (SIM) is to provide consistent returns regardless of market volatility, and it is based on the investment philosophy that has been used successfully for all of Stanford's proprietary funds. We target a consistent yield or income stream as agreed upon with our clients, while monitoring risk and managing the overall volatility of the portfolio.

And what is the very best way to provide those consistent returns, and get the income stream agreed upon by your clients?

You guessed it: the Ponzi scheme.

Our strategy for diversification to minimize the effects of market volatility is sophisticated and far-reaching. We pursue true global diversification with relentless intensity to meet our objective of targeted returns. We carefully consider asset classes, investment strategies, sectors, and regions of the world that most investors either don't have easy access to or rarely receive information about. SIM was developed first and foremost to minimize the downside risk of a portfolio.

Personally, I've got a small quibble with use of "sophisticated" here.

Anyone who's forwarded a chain letter with a dollar in it, and has received nary a farthing in return, has a pretty good idea how this works.

As for that "rarely receive information about" phrase?

This, in fact, is no longer quite true. (C.f., Bernie Madoff.)

There's also a nice bit on the website about how great it is to work at Stanford Financial, which:

....offers a rich culture and unique environment in which to do business...Stanford is simply different and we cherish our differences.

Hope you cherished those difference while you could, Sir Allen.

There may well be no polo or cricket teams where you're going to end up.