Would you pay to attend a wedding? (Me: No!)

I'd read a bit about it. Having clicked on one wedding horror show story on AITA (a Reddit forum: Am I The Asshole, in which folks write in about a sitch they're involved with, and ask forum members to weigh in on whether they're a-holes or not), such stories appear with considerable frequency. And with considerable frequency, I get baited and click. I never weigh in, other than in my mind because, basically, I don't care if your cousin failed to go along with your dress-like-a-Star-Trek-character request. Etc. 

But because of AITA, I knew that there were couples out there who are charging people to attend their weddings. Sometimes they ask for cash wedding gifts to help defray their dream wedding costs. Sometimes the fees are associated with part of the wedding, important now that a lot of weddings have become multi-day, drag-on affairs. Sometimes they solicit a donation on the RSVP card, so you're more of less purchasing a ticket. 

Remember when, back in the day, the only cost (beyond a gift) associated with a wedding was paying for your drinks if there was a cash vs. open bar? Ah, the good old days.

So coming across an article in the New York Times that talked of charges of $333, of $450, to attend a wedding shouldn't have come as a shock. And yet it did.

What to make of the young guy in Houston who's planning ahead for his 2025 wedding? 

Hassan Ahmed, 23, is charging his guests $450 for a ticket to his wedding next year in Houston, where he lives. Mr. Ahmed said he hadn’t heard back from many of his 125 wedding guests. But he has already spent over $100,000 on the wedding, including deposits for the venue, the D.J. and the photographer. In a video on TikTok, he said he was confused by the response, noting that many of his guests had spent more money on Beyoncé or Chris Brown tickets. (Source: NY Times)

I'm going out on a limb here in stating that young Mr. Ahmed is a 14 karat gold dope. 

He's wondering why he isn't hearing back from his guests? Huh?

And he has this to say about the frivolous ways his nearest and dearest are frittering away their cash: 

"What I don't understand is that y'all spend more money on stupid stuff, but you can't come out to support your family and your friends at a wedding," the groom said. (Source: MSN)

Stupid stuff, you say?

How about this? The overall cost for this wedding is said to be $200K, which translates into $1,600 per guest. That's swell, I guess, if you can afford it. But if you need to have your guests defray the costs, then you can't afford it. And your guests are not your guests, they're paying customers. And if they want to spend their money on "stupid stuff" like Beyoncé tickets, then that's their right as customers. Because I'd sure rather spend $450 to see Bey than pay that much to go to anyone's "stupid stuff" of a wedding.

And how shortsighted to spend $200K - even if your customers help underwrite $56,250 worth of it - on a one shot experience, as opposed to using that kind of money to say, put a downpayment on a house. And the $450 your customers are forking over could have gone toward purchasing tangible stuff - like the "stupid stuff" that no doubt litters your bridal registry, but will at least last and help you settle in to married life. (Hassan Ahmed is only 23, so presumably he's setting up a household for the first time, as opposed to older couples who've lived together and already have the Cuisinart, airfryer, and monogrammed sheets.)

Again, one thing if you have the money to spend on a splosh wedding. (Can you just imagine what the nuptials will cost when and if Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce tie the not.) But if you have to charge your guests, then you really do need to lower your sights. Backyard weddings, a DJ'd reception at the K of C Hall, can actually be a lot of fun!

And by the way, it's already not cheap to go to a wedding:

The cost of being a guest is also becoming more expensive. The average cost of attending a wedding is $580, according to a 2023 study by the Knot, which surveyed 1,000 people who had attended a wedding in the previous year. That was an increase of $120 compared with 2021. (Back to the NY Times)

Well, 2021 was pandemic, so the weddings were likely smaller scale, but that's still quite an increase over a few years. But when you think of it: gift, outfit, transpo. You can run through $580 pretty darned quick. And this even if you're not talking a destination wedding...

Yikes! 

Some folks actually do seem to be able to carry off the ticketed wedding. 

Last year, Nova and Reemo Styles were married at St. Patrick's Cathedral in NYC. They sold tickets to their wedding for $333 a head. 

The couple, who live on the Upper East Side, said they had not charged guests to cover the cost of their wedding, which was upward of $70,000; rather, they had needed to winnow their guest list down significantly.

The couple hired a double-decker bus that took guests to New York landmarks that were significant in their love story. The first stop was the legal ceremony at the cathedral. Other stops included Hudson Yards, where Mr. Styles, 31, proposed, and the 42nd Street AMC theater, where they played a video of their journey together. The final stop was the reception, which was held at a private event space on the 102nd floor at the One World Observatory.

The couple originally had a 350-person guest list, but the bus had space for only 60 people. “It was stressful,” Mr. Styles said. “We had to figure out a way for them to choose us, because we can’t choose them.”

Ms. Styles added, “We wanted people who really wanted to be there.” They felt that the ticket system was the best way to do it.

I just can't. (And, Ms. Styles, I have some news for you: I'll bet that lots of the 350 people on your original guest list likely found the invite, even if it were for free, to be a big pain in the arse. When they opened the envelope, the majority likely rolled their eyes, checked their calendar, and hoped they had something else to do that day - like have a colonoscopy or have their wisdom teeth yanked out or wallpaper the guest room.)

Anyway, the Styles had 350 folks on your guest list, but they wanted them to self-select by paying for the privilege of attending their wedding? Wouldn't the normal response be to winnow the list down to the number of people who were most essential in your life, and host a wedding you could pay for?

Under the pay for the privilege scenario, what happens if dear old Auntie Gladys is on a tiny fixed income and doesn't have $333 to spare, but a former colleague whose wedding you went to (for free) thinks, WTF, sounds like a hoot, and buys a ticket? 

The one Styles attendee interviewed was glad she went. At first, she didn't quite get it, but the couple explained their reasoning (which I personally found a tad bit absurd), so Lola Marie decided to go for it. 

“It was worth more than $333,” Ms. Marie said, adding that she knew the couple’s intention was not to make money from their guests. She said she had a lot of fun celebrating and would have paid much more for the steak and lobster dinner at the top of One World Trade Center, with stunning views of the city and a surprise performance by the rapper Fabolous.

Fortunately, the Styles had 60 folks willing to pay for surf and turf with a view. While I will say that if someone I cared for asked for cash gifts only, that would be fine by me, even if the money was going for the wedding party and not real life. But if I'd been on the invite list for this shindig, I'm pretty sure the answer would have been a bit fat NO! Let alone if Hassan Ahmed had sent me a save the date with a save $450 to pay for it attached to it. NFW!