Monday, April 08, 2013

One man’s moose-meat lasagna is another man’s pork. (Does it taste like chicken?)

A few months ago, it was the horse meat that had found its way into the supply chain for European Burger King and the Tesco grocery store chain. And even into Ikea’s Swedish meatballs.

This time around, Ikea’s got a hoof-stock problem of another sort.

US Ikeans don’t need to worry, but if you were shopping in one of the European Ikeas, and decided that all that furniture assembly was going to call for a really hearty supper – and can moose lasagna be anything other than a hearty supper? – you may want to know that some pork had been slipped into the moose meat.

Not that there are probably a ton of super-assiduous kosher and halal observers who had loaded up their Ikea shopping carts with moose lasagna, but I’m sure that Ikea is not happy to have the news that their lasagna was not pure Bullwinkle, but also contained Porky Pig. Which is, I guess, better than finding out there was some Rocket J. Squirrel in the mix. (Squirrels are rodents, are they not?)

Moose meat is common in Sweden though it’s not typically used in lasagna.

Ikea has previously recalled meatballs and other meat products sold in its cafeterias and frozen foods sections after tests showed they contained traces of horsemeat.

The Swedish furniture giant is one of many European companies caught up in a scandal over mislabeled meat in frozen food products.

Ikea’s withdrawn products came from a Swedish frozen foods maker, which in turn blamed the mislabeling on its meat suppliers. (Source: AP Story on boston.com.)

The lasagna was only a smidge compromised – 1.6% pork – but it sill means that Ikea had to take 17,000 portions of moose lasagna out of circulation.

My taste in meat is fairly pedestrian.

My main go-to is chicken which, quite wonderfully, tastes like chicken.

At least once a year (Easter), I have ham. At least twice a year (Thanksgiving, Christmas), I eat turkey.  When we’re out to eat, I’ll sometimes order lamb, duck, steak, a big juicy hamburger, pork, or (I’m somewhat ashamed to admit) veal. Every decade or so I’ll have rabbit. Maybe. (It does actually taste like chicken.)

But gamey meat has no appeal: no lion, no tiger, no bear (oh, my!). And it pretty much goes without saying that nose-to-tail meat consumption is not something I go in for. I have tried sweetbreads, brain, and kidney – but that was pretty much just to say I tried it. Okay, in the case of brain, I ordered it by mistake. On my first trip to Paris, I remembered that “veau” was French for veal, but forgot that “cervelle” was French for brain. Mon dieu, the sneer on the face of that waiter when he plunked the dish down in front of moi. But I gamely ate what was put in front of me. Maybe not all, but some…And, by the way, kidneys do smell like piss.

But I was epi-curious about what moose might be like – curious enough to read about it, if not to actually ingest it.  So I was happy to find a post on Epicurious that contained an interview with an Alaskan locavore whose extended family munches its way through 600-1200 pounds of moose meat each year.  Which they hunt for themselves, which I absolutely have a tremendous amount of respect for. I’m quite sure that if I had to wring the neck of my chicken, or slit the throat of my pig, I’d be a full-bore vegetarian.

Anyway, there I learned that:

The meat is very dense, and because all their fat is stored between the hide and the muscle the meat is very, very lean. It tastes like its habitat -- moose eat a lot of willow, so to me it tastes like willow buds smell in the spring. It has a strong "gamey" taste, most people say. The age and gender of the moose also make a difference -- for example, a young cow is milder tasting than an older bull.

What I also found of interest is that the Alaskan locavore used her pressure cooker to tenderize her moose.

Ah, the pressure cooker.

My mother was a major user of the pressure cooker, mostly in the service of rendering nice crunchy green broccoli into a flaccid yellowish glop. She also used it to make Swiss steak.

Which, many long years ago, I attempted to replicate when I was in Worcester, in charge of the little kids while my mother was with my father, who was dying in a Boston hospital.

I am not now, nor have I ever been, much of a cook.

I have a few things I can rustle up – and rustle up pretty well – but mostly I do not enjoy cooking. I could live without it – and, mostly, I do. (Baking on the other hand… Now you’re talking.)

But one would think that after years of observing my mother in the kitchen, I might have noticed that, when the valve on top of the pressure cooker starts to sputter and whir, you turn the heat down under the pot.

Not I!

I chopped up the ingredients for that Swiss steak  - meat, peppers, onions, tomatoes -  threw it in the old pressure cooker, and pressure cooked away.

When I took the lid off, the grey flaccid glop made my mother’s yellow flaccid broccoli look (and taste) like an epicurean delight.

It was so dreadful, the dog wouldn’t eat it – and we had a dog who would eat just about anything.  I suspect that Grimbald would not have cared at all whether the moose lasagna was adulterated with pork. But I can understand why Ikea patrons might.

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I do want to add that, for a large dog, Grim had an especially delicate way of unwrapping a stick of gum.

Friday, April 05, 2013

That sink(holing) feeling

When I was young, there was a modestly popular, trippy little novelty tune called “The Eggplant that Ate Chicago.”

Now, given my many relatives in Chicagoland, I have pretty good reason to believe that no eggplant has (as yet) eaten Chicago.

But plenty of places in the country are apparently being eaten alive.

Around these parts, a lot of attention has been paid to the erosion on Cape Cod, which has been working its way through the barrier beach at Chatham for the last few years, condemning a bunch of summer cottage to the junk pile.

Fortunately, the Cape will be around for a while longer – most of it, anyway. I hate to think of what the profile of Massachusetts will look like when the Cape gets washed out to sea. We’ll look like all those rectangular states out West. Ugh!

Anyway, last fall, it was Sandy wreaking havoc on the Jersey Shore, Staten Island, and the Queens. All those Staten Island wetland homes that went back to nature. And was there a weirder (or sadder) sight than that of the downed roller coaster in NJ?

Back in what we’re still calling the Bay State, Plum Island on the North Shore is being reclaimed. It seems that with every major storm, a few more houses on Plum Island – houses that used to be well set back from the ocean – fall over, or are – post-storm – knocked over by the government.

Not to be outdone, on Boston’s South Shore, the same major storms that put the crunch on Plum Island do a number of Scituate. House overboard!

I feel really bad for those who lose their homes by the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea. And by the rivers, by the rivers, by the beautiful rivers, which has also been known to happen.

Living as I do on reclaimed land – the flat of Beacon Hill and Boston’s Back Bay are the American Amsterdam (they don’t call it Back Bay for nothing) – I occasionally worry about a Sandy-like event striking Boston.  We’re underwater in every 100 Year Storm graphic I see of our city.

Maybe it’s time to move to higher ground…

It’s not always water world, of course.

Think about all those Western and West Coast fires that routinely whip through neighborhoods, and with a seemingly willy-nilly selection process burn to the ground all the houses on this side of the street while sparing the houses on that side of the street.

Then there is Centralia, Pennsylvania, what’s now a ghost town that was built over a mine where a fire has been smoldering for over fifty years.

And don’t get me going on fracking in what that might bring about. (On the upside, if the earth just exploded, it probably wouldn’t be a bad way to go.)

But I think my personal favorite – if that’s the right word – among  creepy natural ways to lose your home is via sinkhole.

There is really something almost Biblical – Jonah and the whale-ish – about being swallowed alive by the earth. 

Come to think of it, I’ve had a longstanding fascination with the possibility of being swallowed alive.

Certainly, as a child I watched with rapt attention every episode of Jungle Jim, Superman, and The Lone Ranger that featured quicksand.

But sinkholes that grab you when you’re innocently asleep, under the covers in your PJs...

How completely and utterly horrifying it must have been to be the fellow in Florida who was unluckily abed in the half of the house that fell into the sinkhole. And how completely and utterly horrifying it must have been to be the brother of that fellow in Florida, the brother who was luckily abed in the half of the house that didn’t fall into the sinkhole.

I wasn’t aware until I read a recent article by David Owen in The New Yorker that Florida is the sinkhole center of the universe. (Note: to read the full article, you have to be a subscriber. If you are, you’ll have the privilege of reading online via a system that seems to me the technological equivalent of slithering around with microfilm.)

In 1999, a four-thousand-acre Florida lake “disappeared down a hole, like a bathtub emptying in to a drain.”

Florida, as it happens, is built on bedrock that’s not particularly bedrock-like, but, rather:

…is mostly limestone and dolostone, is the hardened remnant of a thick accumulation of deceased sea creatures, which sifted onto the seabed for aeons, at a time when sea levels were much higher than they are today. During subsequent aeons, slightly acidic rainwater permeated the ground and riddled the rock with conduits and caverns and underground streams, and from time to time the overlying strata collapse or subside. 

Forget “Look, Ma, no cavities.”

Florida is riddled with them.

The Florida Speleological Society has likened the state’s geology to “Swiss chees coated with oil.”

Fortunately, death-by-sinkhole is relatively rare.

And fortunately, things pretty much stay put.

Sometimes, it’s a matter of the aquifer buoying the ground up. Bad news when there’s a big draw on the water table, as when the strawberry farmers tried to salvage their crop by pumping well-water on it to protect it from freezing.

Of course, just as a drop in the water table can wreak havoc in Florida, so, too can too much rainfall.

Talk about a no-win situation.

Fingers crossed for my winter-in-Florida cousins that the worst thing they ever experience is an occasional alligator basking within view.

Meanwhile, we all better look out for the eggplant that ate Chicago.

You never know when nature is going to turn on us.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

Ah, Wilderness! “Artisanal Manliness” with the Wilderness Collective

A couple of months back, my sister Trish sent me a link to a story she’d seen in Gawker on The Wilderness Collective,

…a company that specializes in curating artisanal manliness by coordinating expeditions that invite robust young gentlebros "to find out what [they] are made of; to be measured by the wilderness." For $2,500 ($3,500 with bike rental), you can "reclaim masculinity through adventure." Included in the cost is a videographer on-hand to record the masculine rebirth for sick Facebook videos. (Source: Gawker.)

The full Gawker article is hilarious, and should be read in conjunction with viewing the sick – make that unintentionally hilarious -  video of a 334 mile motorcycle trip from Sequoia National Forest to Yosemite, which can be found here.

Nothing wrong with a bunch of guys who want to blast off for a couple of days’ getaway – who doesn’t? – but to position an excursion in which you ride to your campsite, where you’re served “craft cocktails” and artisanal food as a masculinity reclaimer… These treks, while no doubt fun, are not exactly the Lewis and Clark Expedition, on which I don’t believe either Lewis or Clark packed a French press. Or even Easy Rider.  Jack Nicholson had a harder time ordering toast than the Wilderness Collectivists had getting fed.

Gawker particularly liked the part of the narrated video in which the men get to their campsite and figure out, without being told, that they have to unload cars and set things up.

Each guy wasn't told what to do but they found a job; they found a place where they could lead, a place where they could be responsible. It was almost called out of them by the situation we were in; we had to set up a camp.

Wow. Just wow.

It seems to me that it wouldn’t be a revelation to most eight year olds that they were in a situation “where they could be responsible,” let alone a bunch of adults with the jack to fork over $3.5K for an adventure weekend. Presumably, these guys have jobs and home lives where, at least once in a while, they get to lead and be responsible.  Okay, I guess it’s conceivable that they’re so spoiled at home that they never have to be the ones to figure out that a load of wash needs doing or a diaper needs changing, let alone actually do something about it. But surely at work…

It almost goes with out saying that the weekend culminates with the gesture guaranteed to stem “eroding masculinity”: lighting up a cigar and having the epiphany that they’ve become a “band of brothers.” (Tell that to Harry V’s “happy few” and/or the D-Day Veterans of the 101st Airborne Division.)

Needless to say, I had to collect myself and get on over to The Wilderness Collective and let them speak for themselves:

In an age of eroding masculinity where men are depicted as weak, blundering, misguided and shallow, men need to be ever more intentional to carve out time for camaraderie, introspection, and growth.

Hmmmm. Somehow I don’t think that sipping craft cocktails does much to transform that shallow depiction.

WC is not just adventure for adventure’s sake, but rather a chance to take ahold of the truth that there’s something about the wild that unlocks the greatest potential in us.

And although I know that there are hairpin turns at Yosemite, and speed limits on said hairpin turns reading 5 MPH, I don’t think that roaring around “the wild” on a motorcycle is going to unlock someone’s “greatest potential.” (At least I hope not.)

And am I the only one fogey enough to know what the abbreviation WC stands for?

It’s almost as if the wild was designed as a proving ground for men.

Having spent a memorable night in Yosemite sleeping in the cramped front seat of Karman Ghia after observing a bear family moseying around our tent, I want to point out that it can be a proving ground for women, too.

A place to face your fears, to wake up wet, cold, shivering and warm ourselves by a fire the next morning.

What, face your fear that you won’t get your morning cuppa from a French press?

I don’t think it’s exactly Grizzly Adams time to wake up wet, cold, and shivering. That’s about half the camping experience, isn’t it?

Wilderness Collective exists to lead men on memorable expeditions that develop character and provoke courage.

And here I thought that just getting through the regular ups and down of life gives most folks – M&F alike – enough opportunities to “develop character” and “provoke courage”. Silly me.

It almost goes without saying that when you man up,  you need to gear up, so WC has an online shop, where you can get yourself $245 worth of Elsinore Icon Boots. (Elsinore Icon Boots? Wasn’t Hamlet the first existentialist, and not the epitome of uneroded masculinity?) Or a $49 Jetflow Hydration Pack, which niftily merges a backpack and water bottle into one.  Or a $65 Bellroy Wallet made of “premium vegetable tanned cow leather.” Not that you need your wallet for anything once you’re on your adventure. Those craft cocktails are part of the prix fixe.

Meanwhile, if  you want to:

Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Looking for adventure
In whatever comes our way

WC has another trip coming up in early May, and there are still a few slots open.

Yeah, darlin'Gonna make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space

Born to be wild, baby! Born to be wild!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------A tip of the Pink Slip motorcycle helmet (Icon Variant Helmet: $350 at WC) to Trish.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Vera Wang’s Paywall of China Topples

When Vera Wang first opened her Shanghai boutique a few months back, she had way of handling the bridal gown variation of the tire-kicker: she charged almost $500 for the privilege of trying on one of her creations.

Having watched my share Say Yes to the Dress episodes – I swear, I was recovering from the flu – I understand how why a bridal shop (shoppe?) proprietor (proprietress?) would want to impose some type of fee on some of these dress-shopping ninnies. Many of the brides-to-be that I’ve seen appeared to spend more time, and put more thought into, finding the right dress than they did into finding the right man.

If you’ve never seen the show, by the way, I do encourage a look see, if it’s still on. The plot is simple: a young woman, accompanied by a posse that includes some combination of bridesmaids, sisters, cousins, mothers, aunts, grandmothers, mothers-of-the groom, and the occasional father (with checkbook), brother, gay friend from work (with taste), or fiancĂ©, spends dozens of hours, trying on hundreds of dresses, waiting to be thunderstruck with the realization that she’s found The One. Which is typically at least $1K out of her announced price range. (Which is, of course, why she’s brought daddy along.)

The show is as gross a display of cupidity, imbecility, and manipulation (of the posse, by the posse) as you’re likely to see on TV this side of the Kardashians.

And as for those hapless fiancĂ©s who didn’t realize it’s bad luck to see The Dress before The Big Day, the real bad luck in my opinion is that they’re exposed to just what a crazed, out of control, Bridezilla (another wedding show, by the way) has chosen him as the lucky fellow to wear the tux and cut the cake for her.

For Say Yes to the Dress, I recommend the Atlanta version, which seems to take the drama of finding “the dress” to new levels.

This side-trip to Say Yes to the Dress has, of course, little or nothing to do with Vera Wang (other than that I do believe her frocks occasionally factor in as an object of desire or scorn).  My excursion here is to establish at least some bona fides, however weak, distorted, and third hand, with the bridal industry.

And then there’s my professional connection.

I once worked for a company whose CEO/president was Vera Wang’s husband (now her ex). Small enough company that I knew him. (Wish I kept the puky e-mail he sent the marketing team after he fired us when the Short Guys beat the Tall Guys for control of the company.)

Anyway, since Vera Wang is well within my six-degrees of separation circle, I was most interested in her original decision to charge brides a fee to try on her gowns, and in the follow on decision to tear down the paywall and let Chinese bridezillas free range around her boutique.

Local and global media had criticized the surcharge as being discriminatory because it was applied only in China, at the company's Shanghai store, which staged a "soft opening" in January as the company's first bridal salon in the country, a vast potential market as the numbers of wealthy grow…

A company spokeswoman told local media earlier this year that the charge was imposed to fend off copying of the elaborate dresses, which fetch thousands of dollars in the original.  (Source: NBC News.)

Last week, the company “abolished appointment fees,” which were no doubt really insulting to the would-be Vera Wang buying brides.

The fee abolishment does not, of course, abolish counterfeiting, which actually doesn’t require an appointment.

Vera Wang's ivory tulle trains and pinched bodice gowns had already found fans in the world of pirates, with knockoffs widely available on Chinese e-commerce sites for a fraction of the price.

Li, one seller of "Vera Wang style" dresses on Taobao Marketplace, China's largest e-commerce site, says he can achieve up to 90 percent similarity to the namesake garments without even seeing the originals.

A Vera Wang original can range anywhere from $2,000 to over $10,000, but on Taobao some imitations go for as little as $100.

The knock-offs, of course, don’t have the hand stitching and posh materials, but, hey, if it lasts the day... And whose going to notice the difference in the pictures?

China is a major source of counterfeit goods – where do you think most of those “Louis Vuitton” bags that the street vendors hawk in NYC, not to mention all those red-soled shoes for sale on the ‘net come from – so I am sympathetic to Vera Wang’s concern about being ripped off.

My concern is, of course, tempered by the fact that someone who can afford the echt Vera Wang is going to buy the echt Vera Wang. And someone paying $100 for a Vera look-a-like was never going to put a penny in Vera’s pocket to begin with. (If ever there were an argument for creating a downmarket K-Mart version of your “brand”…)

Nonetheless, all this counterfeiting is more than a tsk, tsk. If everyone is wearing a Vera Wang, real or faux, then the currency for the true Veras is debased.

And some “civilians” in the counterfeit wars do end up getting screwed. (If the folks who end up getting screwed, however, think they were going to get a ‘real’ Vera Wang gown for $100 then they pretty much deserve what they get.)

Bottom line: if you’re in Shanghai, and were planning on trying on some Vera Wang wedding gowns while you’re there, the price is now back to right.

What a relief. (Phew!)

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Higgins Armory Museum’s to close: doors to clang shut this December

One of the many eccentric pleasures of growing up in Worcester was going to the Higgins Armory, a museum – make that the only “dedicated museum of armor in the western hemisphere, housing one of the few significant collections of knightly armor outside of Europe” – will be closing at the end of the year.

I probably haven’t been there in forty,  maybe fifty, years, but I will be putting a visit on my list of to-do’s for 2013.

I probably went to the Higgins three or four times during my childhood, and pretty much all I remember about it  is that it’s in a funky building, and it had dog armor as part of its exhibit.

My interest in armor is not even minimal. It’s non-existent.

Other than reading Hillary Mantel novels about the era of Henry VIII – which feature an occasional joust – I pretty much find the entire terrain boring: knights in armor, Crusades, Maid Marian, chastity belts, lily maids, lion hearts, Ivanhoe. Yawn!

Perhaps this is because I have no doubt whatsoever just what I would have been doing in this oh, so romantic world. Which would have been emptying the chamber pots for those lily maids.

So mostly I want to make a swan trip back to the Higgins Armory to see the funky building.

I’m not sure what will become of the funky building, but the oddball collection is moving to the (quite excellent) Worcester Art Museum, which already has some medieval stuff of its own, including a chapel that was imported rock by rock from Ye Olde Europa.

In any case, reading about the Museum’s imminent demise started me thinking about Worcester’s Great Industrial Era. And Worcester’s Great Industrialists, the stiffly upright, stiffly uptight WASPs who ruled the Worcester roost when I was a girl. They owned the businesses, they owned the newspaper, they dominated the cultural and social landscape [okay: what there was of it].  Sure, “we” got to be cops and firemen and schooleachers, the member of Congress, and (mostly) the mayor – apparently they had little interest in grubby city politics, once they’d changed the governance model to one with a weak mayor/strong city manager. But mostly they employed the Catholics. They lived in solid, Protestant ethic homes in solid, Protestant ethic neighborhoods. They lunched at “Put’s” – Putnam & Thurston, eating what I could only imagine to be bland, haute WASP foods.

Needless to say, I didn’t know any of them (other than the men who ran the company where m father worked: I told you that they employed the Catholics). I will confess that every time we drove through one of “their” neighborhoods, I felt a bit envious. How much more wonderful it would have been to live there, and look like a Breck girl, dress for dinner, play tennis and sail, know boys from Worcester Academy, etc. – rather than be a plain old Catholic me from Our Lady of the Angels.

Anyway, one of the Great Worcester Industrialist was John Woodman Higgins, benefactor and founder of his eponymous museum.

A graduate of Worcester Tech, Higgins’ first job was with the Plunger Elevator Company.

The Plunger Elevator Company!

They just do not name companies the way they used to.

Imagine trusting your life to an elevator called Plunger! Wheee…..

After Plunger, it was on to the almost equally charmingly named Worcester Ferrule and Manufacturing Company.

Ferrule and Manufacturing. How ‘bout that?

Anyway, F&M was more boringly renamed the Worcester Pressed Steel Company.

So Higgins long had an interest in things steel, which he turned into collecting armor, and then doing the good-citizen, contribute to the community sort of thing that the Great Worcester Industrialists did so darned well.

Anyway, I do want to get to the Higgins’ before it clanks to a close come December.

One more little remembrance of things past that’s going out of business.

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Source of info on John Woodman Higgins: Wikipedia.

Monday, April 01, 2013

Spammit all

Each week, I work with one of my clients on a blog post. One or the other of us comes up with an idea. I start writing about it, pinging him along the way if I have any questions. I then send the draft to him for his edits. I then do any final clean up and post it in his name.

We’ve only been doing this for a couple of months, but it’s working out pretty well, and we’re having fun.

So are the spammers, which have – quite hilariously – glommed on to one of our posts and are coming out of the woodwork.

Before I launch into my spamalysis, I should probably mention that this blog is for a deeply, deeply, deeply technical company. None of this B2C, or B2B. Nope, these guys are strictly EE2EE, and they are among my all time favorite clients. I completely love them to death, not just because they are wonderful people, but because I’ve learned a tremendous amount from them.  I’m not quite an honorary electrical engineer, but I know a lot more about chips and boards and sensors and connectors and signal processing than I used to.  And I now know how to read block diagrams.

Anyway, the post that set off spam-a-lot was actually one of the geekier ones we’ve done. Perhaps it was the use of the word “vibration” in the title that triggered such a reaction from spammers/spam engines.

At least that might explain the sex-related comments, like this one from a company in India promising “Livesex on Cam” – which I assume means “on camera” as opposed to punting-on-the-River Cam, where I suppose that the occasional Cambridge University student has engaged in live sex. When I thought about it, of course, I realized that the young Indians who studied at the Oxbridge U’s were more likely to end up running hedge funds in The City than back in India, working as spammers. And they would likely have a better grasp on The Queen’s English.

Ahaa, its nice dialogue regarding this article here at this
web site, I have read all that, so at this time me also commenting at this place.

The folks in India weren’t the only ones plumping for live sex on camera. “Krisztina” practiced her English – or a content generating engine that needs a bit more work sent something out there - on behalf of what’s apparently a major sex site. (Alas, I googled it. Even though I most certainly didn’t click through on anything. So now I’ll probably be getting popups and personal spam coming from all over the globe.)

I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you wish be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly a lot often inside case you shield this hike.

Of course, gibberishing probably doesn’t detract much from the journey in store at the live cam site…

One of the other sex-cammers was more succinct:

Thanks for sharing such a good opinion, article is pleasant, that’s why i have read it entirely

Well, I’ll take credit for the article being pleasant, but, come on, how hard is it to read entirely a post that’s only 400 words long?

To be sure, the spam wasn’t all sex-related.

Someone was pushing dining room tables:

I was pretty pleased to find this website. I need to to thank you for ones time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely savored every part of it and i also have you saved as a favorite to see new stuff on your web site.

And someone else pushing decorated king-sized beds (seemingly on a Brazilian Harry Potter-related site. At least that’s what it looked like when I googled it, but I didn’t dig too deep.):

Thanks for finally writing about  this. Liked it!

And someone pushing fake Christian Louboutins had this to say:

This will be the correct weblog for everyone who desires to find out about this subject. You recognize so significantly its virtually challenging to argue with you (not that I actually would want?-HaHa). You undoubtedly put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Wonderful stuff, just very good!

Chicken! I’d actually find it virtually challenging to argue with you – HaHa!!

Faux Louis Vuitton gear was a major spamming theme – and, boy, do they spam long comments. Here’s a snippet from one of the many we got:

louis vuitton handbags the variety of this bag pattern comes from its unique quilted diamond check grain of the materials louis vuitton 2013Every girl wishes for all the best for the big day and finding that something sexy and romantic can help to make it an extra special night too with some beautiful bridal lingerie. Your big day is important but so is your special wedding night. A night to remember.

Okay. Maybe louis Vuitton does sell lingerie, but I can’t imagine that there very many men on the face of the earth who would find it sexy if his bride was lugging a big brown and gold Louis bag – real or ersatz – into the honeymoon suite.

Guateng, South Africa-related companies were quite a source of spammy comments. This from someone fronting for a Johannesburg private investigation company:

Really no matter if someone doesn’t understand after that its up to other viewers that they will assist, so here it happens.

And from someone “working” on behalf of a business removals company:

This is a very good tip especially to those new to the blogosphere. Brief but very accurate info… Appreciate your sharing this one. A must read post!

At least they got something right here. The post was both brief and accurate.

Unlike the person (or thing) commenting for the South African logistics firm:

Someone necessarily help to make seriously articles I’d state. This is the very first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I amazed with the analysis you made to create this particular put up extraordinary. Excellent activity!

I did like the esprit of the Guateng shuttle service spam:

I delight in, result in I discovered exactly what I was taking a look for.

You’ve ended my four day lengthy hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye

I am more than happy to have ended someone’s four day lengthy hunt for information on shock and vibration testing for connectors on small form factor SoMs. Must have been a real drag, all that searching.

Anyway, plenty more spam where these came from.

But I’ll end with this from a commenter linking to a post on white dwarves from a French blog on astrophysics:

Hello! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

That previous room mate must be really something, since this comment shows up on websites for Bible study, Ikea ornaments, fishing tackle, and football.

To all our spammers:

Many thanks for sharing!

Sorry we just couldn’t bring ourselves to actually publish your comments.

Friday, March 29, 2013

In Your Easter Bonnet, with All the Peeps Upon It

Even if this is a miserably early Easter, it’s certainly the time of year when there’s a feeling of Peeps in the air.

Especially so because The Washington Post just announced the winners of its annual Peeps Diorama contest, for which they received 650 entries. (Note to sisters: we have to figure out something to do here. This should definitely tap the inner Peep artiste that lives in each of us. Maybe if the Gardner gets its stolen paintings back, there’s a tie in there. Arty ones tend to do pretty well.)

There were many excellent dioramas, and I don’t envy the WP editors who had to narrow the field down to the chosen few that were considered.

I do note with mild dismay, however, that Peep bunnies seem to have replaced the original Peep chicks. I don’t remember this having been quite as pronounced in the past, but it’s really no surprise, as the rabbit Peeps, with their upright almost humanoid form, better lend themselves to representing peeple than do the originals. (I still maintain that the original is still the greatest.)

Anyway, here’s one of my favorite entrants: Peep Roller Derby.

Bringing all the action of the D.C. roller derby scene to the tiny track. Submitted by Erin Seagraves, 28, Meg Conlan, 24, PC Zai, 28, Abby Loeffler, 33, and Sophia Yan, 22, of the District.

Then there’s this also quite excellent, albeit a bit more disturbing, portrayal of the creation of pink slime hamburgers, which was in the news quite a bit last year.

The expose on Pink Slime burgers being served in cafeterias comes too late to save these Pink Peeps. Submitted by Peter Yeo, 49, of Chevy Chase.

Culture vulture that I am, and as someone who took Art History 101, I adored the Peep-lica of Seurat’s Dejuenuer sur La Grande Jatte

Peeps_leGrande

Truly a masterpiece in its own right. I could barely tell the difference between the diorama and the real thing.

The grand prize winner was this excellent tableau. It’s hard to fully appreciate it at this small size, but it’s a funeral for the Twinkie.

The Peep-Pope presides over the funeral service of the Twinkie, a product of Hostess which announced it would file for bankruptcy last fall. Peeps mourn the loss of one of their own who will be buried along with other bygone sugary snacks. Submitted by Leslie Brown, 55, and Lani Hoza, 48, of Charlottesville, Va.

Here’s one close up. (Love the stained-glass window.)

And here’s a shot that shows Twinkie in its casket.

: Peeps Show VII: 2013 Diorama Contest winners: This year’s standouts include reproductions of oil paintings and controversial films, as well as replicas of iconic landmarks and democratic institutions. But ultimately nostalgia won. The diorama, “Twinkie: Rest in Peeps,” stole the most hearts and votes from The Post newsroom.

Rumors of Twinkie’s demise may well have been exaggerated, as a private equity firm (I think) will be resurrecting the brand.

As a local girl, my favorite diorama was, of course, the L.L. Peep. Simple, charming, and an excellent approximation of an L.L. Bean catalog.

Celebrating the 100-year anniversary of L.L.Bean. Submitted by Elizabeth Vogt,14, Lucy Vogt, 11, Brad Vogt, 47, of the District., and Peter Vogt, 71, of Cabin John.

In fact, I think that L.L. should consider using it.

Meanwhile, Happy Easter to all, and to all a good Peep.

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I’m not saying I'm exactly obsessed with Peeps, but if you are, there are few more Peep-inspired posts here:

Peeps on Earth, Good Will to Men, Women and Children

Product Innovation in the Peep-able Kingdom

Not a Peep Out of You 

 The Harley Davidson of the Candy World.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

Degree inflation

You know how sixty is the new forty? How red is the new black? And, I suppose, how sick is the new healthy?

It’s getting to be official:

The college degree is becoming the new high school diploma: the new minimum requirement, albeit an expensive one, for getting even the lowest-level job. (Source: NY Times.)

I actually don’t think that this is all that new. As far as I can tell, it’s been a long time coming.

Still, it’s kind of shocking to read that a law firm in Atlanta will only hire college grads, and, thus, employs a $10 an hour courier who “schleps documents back and forth between the courthouse and the office” while in possession of a college degree.

There was a time when a college grad would take a crappy “entry level” position in a company to get their foot in the door in hopes of doing such a good job that they’d get promoted into something more professional.

Does this happen any more?

And how could it occur in a law firm? You get to move from ten-buck an hour courier to eleven-buck an hour receptionist? [Actually, as I saw later in the article, that job is taken. And it pays a lot better than eleven bucks an hour. The current incumbent makes $37K a year. Not bad for a receptionist, until you consider that she’s got $100K worth of college debt.]

The all college, all the time, law firm is Busch, Slipakoff & Schuh, and here’s their rationale:

“College graduates are just more career-oriented,” said Adam Slipakoff, the firm’s managing partner. “Going to college means they are making a real commitment to their futures. They’re not just looking for a paycheck.”

Well, yes and no.

A commitment to their future is at least part of the reason that kids go to college, but there are those equal parts of parental determination and the fact that going to college is just What. You Do.

As for that “not just looking for a  paycheck.”

That really sounds to me like code for “we’ll pay you crap while flattering you that ‘you’re not just looking for a paycheck.’”

There are many downsides to this “degree inflation”.

One is that so many kids are coming out of college carrying super-sized debt. Sure, they’re “not just looking for a paycheck,” but they sure do need that paycheck to try to work that debt down. And if someone borrowed a lot of money to get a basket-weave degree from a lousy college that is only going to translate into a $10 an hour job, well… Maybe they would have been better off going into the trades.

Not that there’s anything wrong with education for the sake of education.

I’m all for book learnin’.

But to incur debt so that you can live the life of an indentured servant is just plain awful.

Meanwhile,

This up-credentialing is pushing the less educated even further down the food chain, and it helps explain why the unemployment rate for workers with no more than a high school diploma is more than twice that for workers with a bachelor’s degree: 8.1 percent versus 3.7 percent.

No word on how many among the 3.7 percent are miserably and perhaps permanently under-employed.

But, as The Times points out, “it’s a buyer’s market for employers.”

Thus, you get the law firm courier who is happier to be running around Atlanta delivering briefs an contracts to his previous post-graduate job: washing cars for a car rental firm.

In truth, all the young folk interviewed from Busch, Slipakoff & Schuh seem both happy and appreciative. Many – including the schlepper, who’s now applying to law school (good luck, kid) – have, surprisingly (at least to me) gotten promotions. One jumped from file clerk to paralegal.

Still, if more and more companies start requiring higher degrees for jobs that really don’t need them, and if those higher degrees mean higher and higher debt – while at the same time shorting opportunities for high school grads – we are on one big collision course with reality.

Of course, collision course is pretty much the new reality, all the way around.

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Too good to be true: Cancer Treatment Centers of America

Every time I see one of their [expensive] ads on TV, I think about how awful it must be to live in a place where you don’t have access to first rate medical care. Where you might decide that your only hope is to leave home, to travel to a for-profit hospital. Especially one that leads you to believe that they get better outcomes than other health care providers. You know that “other” type: local, non-profit, implicitly not focused on results since they’re not, you know, profit-makers. Losers!

No, Cancer Treatment Centers of America are the Lake Woebegone of health care providers, only instead of all their children being above average, all their cancer treatment outcomes beat the national averages.

Layer on, of course, that their appeal is to people with advanced stage cancer, who desperately want to hear “curable” when their oncologist is telling them “treatable,” or who even more desperately want to hear “treatable” when their oncologist is telling them “end game.”

Trust me when I say that I understand this appeal.

Yet every time I see an ad for the Cancer Treatment Centers of America, I thank my lucky stars that my husband’s cancer is being treated by the magnificent doctors and nurses at the Massachusetts General Hospital. Where we believe that Jim is getting the finest care possible, with an equal – and, more likely, better – probability of a positive outcome than we’d get anywhere else on the face of the earth. Despite what those ads for CTCA, and the glowing stats presented on their web site, are bragging about.

As it turns out, as far as CTCA is concerned, there’s truth in advertising, and then there’s truth in advertising.

And the truthiness of their truth is – as I had long suspected – just a tad bit suspect.

So sayeth a Reuters report on CTCA that came out a couple of weeks ago.

Part of CTCA’s “magic” is turning away most of those who are likely to have not so great outcomes. Like those on Medicare, who don’t have as good a shot at surviving cancer as someone much younger, just because, well, they’re older. And like those on Medicaid, who are poor and, thus, are far more likely to have other health ills – hypertension, diabetes – that make surviving cancer more of a crap shoot.

CTCA is not unique in turning away patients. A lot of doctors, hospitals and other healthcare providers in the United States decline to treat people who can't pay, or have inadequate insurance, among other reasons. What sets CTCA apart is that rejecting certain patients and, even more, culling some of its patients from its survival data lets the company tout in ads and post on its website patient outcomes that look dramatically better than they would if the company treated all comers. (Source: Reuters.)

Reuters engaged with cancer and medical statistics experts who determined that CTCA’s website claims about higher survival rates are “misleading.”

The experts were unanimous that CTCA's patients are different from the patients the company compares them to.

Among other tricks up the old CTCA white-coated sleeve: they count only those patients who weren’t treated elsewhere first. Thus, they don’t include:

…those who have exhausted treatment options closer to home and arrive at a CTCA facility with advanced disease.

So, you’re treated someplace local – someplace great, like MGH, or someplace not so great, like Podunk Community Hospital – and, having survived chemo, radiation, surgery, and whatever else that’s been thrown at you, you’re told that there’s nothing more they can do for you.

Then you see all those healthily glowing folks – folks with your very cancer – who have been cured at CTCA, and you go for it. (Why not?)

So you muster up the strength (and money) for a visit to CTCA, with the promise of better outcomes. (Unless you read the fine print.)

Only to find out that, if they deign to let you in, you won’t be counted as a loss if you die on their watch.

CTCA, of course, refutes that there’s anything misleading about their statistical approach.

But I’m pretty sure that Reuters has got it right.

Which is not to say that some patients don’t get cured there. It’s not as if CTCA is full of quacks giving coffee enemas and swearing that cling peaches solve everything. (They do, however, incorporate some non-traditional treatment methods – think reiki – that are a bit off the beaten path.) And not that their approach doesn’t work for their patients.

The CTCA formula resonates with many patients. According to Healthgrades, a doctor- and hospital-ratings site, CTCA facilities consistently beat national averages in patient satisfaction.

And yet, there are those “statistics” they tout:

CTCA also appears to exclude the vast majority of its patients when it calculates survival data. In survival results from 2004 to 2008 posted on its website, CTCA reported 61 patients with advanced prostate cancer, 97 with advanced breast cancer, 434 with advanced lung cancer, and 165 with advanced colon or rectal cancer. These are the four most common solid tumors. In the same period, CTCA treated thousands of patients at its Zion [Illinois] facility alone, according to filings with state regulators.

A cancer diagnosis is a gut punch. Hearing the words “treatable not curable” is an even bigger one. I can only imagine the gut punch magnitude when you hear the word “hospice.”

So I understand why someone would want to grasp on to whatever sometimes true, sometimes false hope that CTCA is offering.

Me, I’ll take my chances at Mass General.

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Charlie Sheen: giving new meaning to the acronym P.O.S.

I have long been a fan of Martin Sheen, not only as an actor but as President of the United States. Oh, wait, I forgot for a moment. Josh Bartlett was a fictional president. Martin Sheen just played him.

As for his son?

Sorry, Charlie.

It’s been pretty much all down hill since Wall Street.

His latest act – or, as it is so often with Charlie, his latest acting out - has to do with a reign of terror he called down on a school that supposedly did nothing to stop his daughter from being bullied.

Now I can understand a parent wanting to jump in and defend his kid.

Years ago, when my niece Molly was about two, a kid about four sidled up to her as M and a bunch of other kids were enjoying jumping from rock to rock in this cool fountain-ish space in Salem. I could read that little s.o.b.’s mind and body language loud and clear. He was just itching to push Molly into the drink.

I made eye contact with the potential micreant, giving him that fabulous adult-to-kid stink eye that screams I know what you’re up to and don’t you dare even try it.

Really, if he had tried it, I had a vision of myself going over and kicking him in the butt. Not that I would have, but I completely understand that protect and defend feeling.

Still, going on twitter asking his absurdly loyal followers to attack his daughter’s former school (and to particularize the attack by using the name of the alleged bully girl) seems a bit out of control, even by Charlie Sheen standards. Here’s Charlie’s “ask”:

"If you have a rotten egg, a roll of toilet paper or some dog s**t, I urge you to deliver it with 'extreme prejudice' to the campus run by trolls and charlatans. Make me proud."
Charlie goes on: "And if you're feeling the 'show and tell' of it all, smear the s**t to spell one name on the front door: VICTORIA." (Source: TMZ)

These kids are nine, by the way. Even if this VICTORIA is a mean, snipey little beeyotch, for a grown man to call her out by name…

Wow, just wow.

Of course, Charlie – after first having defended his call to arms – is now claiming that his rant-o-rama was “merely metaphoric.”

But that wasn’t until a company that’s business is the delivery of packaged up animal business to someone’s enemies, friends, or relations, had to stop deliveries to schools in Los Angeles:

A rep for Yodish*t.com -- which lets you send poo in the mail to your friends -- tells TMZ, they've suspended all orders to L.A. schools after seeing a recent upsurge in L.A. school poo deliveries. (Source: yet another TMZ article.)

Yes, folks, as unbelievable as Charlie Sheen and his antics are, it is even more unbelievable that there is a company that specializes in mailing out shit.

Yo Dish it is based in Las Vegas, Nevada and our products are collected, and packaged and Made in the USA.

We tell it like it is. We literally are full of S#!T. We specialize in S#!T. That's what we do.

Our products are green. So green, they're brown. And all of our products are organic, 100% natural and brought to you directly from the source. And that's NO S#!T! We recycle what has already been recycled by nature. Our Product Features include;

  • Made in the USA
  • All Natural Ingredients
  • Top Quality S#!T
  • The Perfect Novelty Gag Gift
  • 100% Pure, and brought to you directly from the source

Wow. Just wow.

The once mighty U. S. of A, we the people who once churned out all that steel, all those TVs, all those sneakers, all those cars, are now proudly touting that our shit is made in the USA. (USA! USA! USA!)

Available direct, or through Amazon.

Fortunately, they only provide animal feces. But what’s to stop them from brand extension to include the human animal?

After all, if horse or bull shit makes “The Perfect Novelty Gag Gift”, how much more perfectly novel a gift would human excrement be? Talk about gag gift!

And, just in case you’re wondering, you can send your “gift” anonymously. Which I suspect was how most of Charlie’s fans were sending theirs before Yo Dish it decided that inundating a school with bags of crap was not, perhaps, the best sort of business to associate your brand with.

Not that a company that sells shit is likely to have much concern about what their brand is associated with.

In truth, they probably stopped delivering to LA because they ran out of inventory and just couldn’t keep up with demand fast enough.

Charlie’s cri du coeur – which in truth probably emanates from a place lower and further back than Charlie’s heart – was likely a great day for Yo Dish it’s business.

It’s just that it was very likely a tremendously shitty day for Charlie Sheen’s little girl.

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Thanks to my sister Trish for spotting this one.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Donglegate. (No winners here, folks.)

The tech community has been all a-twitter this past week about a couple of firings that were set in motion when a female PyCon attendee got her metaphorical shorts in a knot after overhearing a couple of male PyCon attendees making dongle jokes.

I am quite sure that, over the years, most folks in technology  – M & F alike – have heard and/or made and/or at least thought their share of cracks about the perhaps unfortunately named dongle. Same goes for male-female connectors.  And I did spend a few years working for a company named Wang. (Wang? Wang! Get it? Let the merriment begin!)

I’m sure if I put my mind to it, I could come up with a raft of others. (But I can’t get my thought process passed the fact that I was once the product manager for a data forecasting application called AutoBJ – which was sold to Wall Street quants, so you can imagine the great fun that was had by all, excepting, perhaps, the product manager.)

Anyway, a couple of PyCon-ners – this conference is for users of the programming language Python (a name which, I’m quite sure, provides ample opportunity for sexual innuendo, even if it’s not in the same league as dongle or AutoBJ) – were talking to each other, when the woman in front of them decided to take very public umbrage.

Unfortunately for the guys doing the dongle-speak, this wasn’t just any old woman sitting in front of them. It was Adria Richards.

Now, I had never heard of Adria Richards until l’affaire Donglegate, but she is A Big Deal – a very prominent force in the tech community, with A Big Deal Blog and thousands of Twitter followers.

So Adria decided to play Valkyrie-in-Chief, snapping a pictures of the nerdly donglers, and putting it out there for all the world to see.

Having worked in high tech companies since the mainframe computer days, I well understand that “techies” – a largely male cohort – can be puerile to the max. Putting up with their juvenile behavior can be irritating (even when it’s only occasional, and when their eye-rollingly-boring remarks aren’t directed anywhere at or even near you).

But in outing these jokers, Adria got more than she presumably bargained for.

Once the tweet hit the fan, one of the techies was fired from his company, Play Haven, which – given all the furor that ensued – blogged about it:

PlayHaven had an employee who was identified as making inappropriate comments at PyCon, and as a company that is dedicated to gender equality and values honorable behavior, we conducted a thorough investigation. The result of this investigation led to the unfortunate outcome of having to let this employee go. (Source: PlayHaven.)

The fired techie – as yet unnamed – took to Hacker News to tell his side. After explaining that some of what Adria had been so irritated by – chatter about forking code – had not been sexual in the least, he wrote:

My second comment is this, Adria has an audience and is a successful person of the media. Just check out her web page linked in her twitter account, her hard work and social activism speaks for itself. With that great power and reach comes responsibility. As a result of the picture she took I was let go from my job today. Which sucks because I have 3 kids and I really liked that job.

She gave me no warning, she smiled while she snapped the pic and sealed my fate. (Source: Venture Beat).

Adria did not intend – or want – this guy to be fired, but, as the fellow says, “With that great power and reach comes responsibility.”

It certainly would have been more appropriate if she had chosen a more measured option. Like turning around and saying “would you please just knock it off.” Or tweeting and blogging about how a couple of PyCon attendees were driving her nuts with their stupid, middle-school caliber joking, without sending their pictures out there.

But if Adria’s reaction was disproportionate – and it does strike me as being so: the comments were a private conversation; nothing was directed at her; dongle (and even code-forking) jokes are, on the crude and offensive continuum, pretty mild fare – the anti-reaction to her was even more so.

All of a sudden, she was being inundated with death and rape threats. Nice going, fellows.

Anonymous took it upon “themselves” to launch a denial of service attack against the place where she works, which subsequently/consequently decided that they no longer needed her services as an evangelist. In their post, SendGrid wrote:

We understand that Adria believed the conduct to be inappropriate and support her right to report the incident to PyCon personnel…What we do not support was how she reported the conduct. Her decision to tweet the comments and photographs of the people who made the comments crossed the line. Publicly shaming the offenders – and bystanders – was not the appropriate way to handle the situation…

A SendGrid developer evangelist’s responsibility is to build and strengthen our Developer Community across the globe. In light of the events over the last 48+ hours, it has become obvious that her actions have strongly divided the same community she was supposed to unite. As a result, she can no longer be effective in her role at SendGrid. (Source: SendGrid)

Arm chair quarterbacking, twenty-twenty hindsight, etc.

But, seriously, after Adria’s dunder-headed move, to have PlayHaven – some haven, huh? – fire a developer over this. How’s that for an over-reaction? Maybe there’s something else to it, but other than the guy’s likely being on company time at PyCon (and wearing the company’s name on his badge), what was he doing that was so darned firing-offense awful? It’s not as if he had been giving a public presentation on PlayHaven’s behalf, and made off-color, sexist, racist, whatever remarks. He was having a private conversation and made a joke about a dongle. Maybe a slight slap on the wrist’s in order.

But a dongle joke? That’s worth firing someone over?

SendGrid may have a slightly better story. This incident would no doubt have made it more difficult for Adria to build relationships with (some in) the tech community. Still, it seems to me that they could have used this as a “learning opportunity” (gag: sorry) to talk about both real and perceived problems with sexism in the still male-dominated tech world.

And then there’s the Anonymous brigade. But I guess that inappropriate, flamingly emotional, and downright nasty responses aren’t an unknown weapon in their mighty Anonymous arsenal, to be used against anyone who doesn’t agree with them on something.

No winners here, folks.

At least not so far.

Maybe Adria and the fired guy both get new gigs that are even better.

Hope so.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Let’s go fly a kite. (Farewell, AndrĂ© Cassagnes)

Kites were one of those toys – like pogo sticks and scooters – that were supposedly popular with kids when I was one, but which weren’t. They seemed to be the realm of the synthetic, slightly off, and mostly pukey boys and girls we saw on TV, or of the kids depicted in books from the 1930’s and 1940’s: boys in knickerbockers, girls playing in dresses. (Who played in a dress?)

Not that there were no kites around. Unlike pogo sticks and scooters, which I don’t believe I ever saw in real life as a child, we did occasionally try to make and fly a kite.

The kite kits we used cost ten cents at Woolworth’s or Aubuchon’s Hardware, and, even by a dime’s standard, were pretty flimsy. A couple of balsa wood struts and some thin tissue paper that ripped if you so much as glanced at it. I remember trying to make kites, but I don’t recall ever getting one airborne until I was in college, when kites had something of a revival. There were sturdier kites around – made with thin plastic, not thin tissue paper – and every once in a while, my friends and I would go fly a kite. I’ve also done an occasional kite-fly since – maybe once a decade or so (in decades with an “r” in them).

I will say that when I do see “real” kite-flyers on the beach, I always enjoy watching them in action.

In any event, I was touched to read the obituary of AndrĂ© Cassagnes that was published in The Economist a month or so ago. M. Cassagnes was a French kite maker – or, as the French would have it, fabricant de cerf-volant - whose creations:

…were masterpieces: great cellular wheels 13 feet in diameter, a double wheel called “the Crown”, clocks, castles, star-shapes made of tetrahedrons, and five interlocking rings in honour of the Olympic games. No kitemaker was more celebrated in France, and he was closely followed, too, in Germany and America. He had invented a plastic connection that allowed his floating constructions of nylon and aluminium to be assembled and disassembled in a trice. He had also devised a kite-ferry that could run up a line, fold the kite’s wings, slide down the line, reopen them, then climb again, in perpetual motion, like a butterfly. Few stunts were more impressive.

A far cry from the ten-cent kites from Aubuchon’s…

Kites aside, there was one other thing that M. Cassagnes was well – if not well enough – known for: he invented the Etch-a-Sketch.

This toy, licensed in 1960, sold more than 100m units worldwide in 50 years and earned a place in America’s National Toy Hall of Fame, alongside Barbie and Mr Potato Head.

And, of course, figured rather prominently in a 2012 American election meme.

As is so often the case when the little guy comes up with something cool, Etch-a-Sketch fame and fortune flowed to others

He could not afford to buy the patent, so a man called Arthur Grandjean did the paperwork and got his name on it. His name, too, went into the Toy Hall of Fame. Mrs Cassagnes was intensely frustrated by this. Her husband however, never seemed to mind much.

He had his kites to think about.

Still, I was thinking that it’s about time that the Toy Hall of Fame gave M. Cassagnes the credit he’s owed.

But, The Economist aside (or perhaps because of) they’ve apparently done so already:

French electrical technician AndrĂ© Cassagnes applied his experience with the clinging properties of an electrostatic charge to invent a mechanical drawing toy with no spare parts. He called his creation L’Ecran Magique, the magic screen. Introduced at the International Toy Fair in Nuremberg, Germany, in 1959, the gadget failed to draw much attention. Numerous manufacturers passed over a chance to pick up the new toy, concluding that Cassagnes wanted too much money for it. However, the Ohio Art Company took a second look and invested $25,000, more than they had ever paid for a license. Ohio Art renamed the toy “Etch A Sketch” and began mass production later that year. (Source: Toy Hall of Fame)

Nary a mention of the not-so-grand Arthur Grandjean.

So, attention has been paid, justice has been served, wrongs have been righted.

Adieu, André Cassagnes.

I hope that there’s an afterlife, if only so you can be flying your cerfs-volants, and sketching out new ideas on L’Ecran Magique.

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For those who took French, and want to know how “flying deer” got to be the French word for kite, you can find the etymology here.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Think I’ll do a stay-cation this year

Well, I just looked through Market Watch’s list of the ten countries with the fastest growing tourism, and I must save that I have a hankering to go to none of them. Okay, Montenegro (which used to be part of Yugoslavia, a place I have been to, back in the day when Yugoslavia used to be Yugoslavia) is somewhere I might conceivably go to one day. Maybe when I’m on my way back from Dubrovnik or something.

And it’s also possible that, at some point in my traveling life, I’ll get to South America, so Chile’s a possibility.

But Qatar?

Yes, most of those who travel are going on business, but “leisure travel” last year increased by nearly 30%.  Of course, I do understand that the really cool like to go where it’s really hot, so they can show off their pan-national bona fides and maintain MBAs without borders cred by swanning around luxury hotels AC’d to the hilt, and adding sand skiing/skateboarding to their sportive lists. And while I do appreciate that women in Qatar are probably treated better than they are in many Arab states – they can drive and vote -  I do have this question in general: Given that you want to keep women covered up, why, in the name of all that’s good and holy, can’t they at least cover up in something white (reflecting) rather than black (absorbing)? I notice that the men in these areas where white, so they’ve obviously figured out it’s cooler to do so when out in the noonday sun. Forcing women into black shmatas just seems really, really mean.

And Azerbaijan, Kyrgyzstan, and Uzbekistan?  Yowza. Maybe it’s my complete lack of adventure-style imagination, my coward’s cling to the comfy-cozy ways of the West, but aren’t these places all kind of dusty, barren, windswept, etc. Sure, all the big bronze statues of Stalin have long been toppled, but when I hear the name of a country that ends in “jan” or “stan”, it just doesn’t chirp “welcome, tourist” to me. It says “grim”. It says “cold.” (Alternately: “sun-baked.”)  It says “cement block.” And the voice that’s saying all that is decidedly non-chirpy.

And if Qatar suffers from a surfeit of Escada and Louis Vuitton outlets, my shopping image is of bazaars selling things made out of sheep that still smell like sheep.

This is, of course, because I am so very lacking in adventure-stan, but I can’t imagine waking up one morning and saying “let’s go” to one of these places rather than, say, Paris.

Belarus is yet another of the offspring of the USSR somehow surviving on its own. I guess through a big increase in tourism. But I just can’t get past the Minsk vs. Pinsk jokes to get serious about visiting Belarus. Oh, I’m sure it’s beautiful in its own way – as are, no doubt, the “jans’ and “stans.” Still…
Tunisia’s tourism is up, in no small part because it’s the home of the Star Wars fictional planet of Tatooine. As someone who walked out one-quarter of the way through the original Star Wars and never looked back, being a Star Wars set does little to commend Tunisia to me. And, by the way, if you think Tunisia’s some kind of bargain, think again. Maybe you can find cheaper digs in Tatooine, but the average beachfront hotel in Gammarth, a suburb of Tunisia’s capital of Tunis, rose 59% last year, to a whopping $463 per night. Spending the night in an oceanfront hotel in Tunisia would, of course, be preferable to spending the night in a land-locked hotel in Minsk or Pinsk. But I’d be mighty concerned about all those would-be Princess Leias and Luke Skywalkers hanging about.

Even before the advent of jet travel, I’m quite sure that time flew. But it really does seem to fly faster and faster these days, doesn’t it? Thus I still tend to think of Panama as a country run by dictator Manual Noreiga, rather than a place I’d like to go as a tourist. But it’s becoming a major tourist destination. Admittedly, I would get a kick out of going through the locks, taking me from the Caribbean to the Pacific, without having to round Cape Horn (with or without the help of Dramamine). Still, I pretty much make it a rule to stay out of climates described as “tropical.” (At least in Qatar, it would be a dry heat. And, as we all well know, it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.)

The final place on the top ten tourist growth countries list is held by The Philippines. This is because it’s got friendly people – who speak English, as anyone who’s called a call center recently knows – and good food. Plus, like most of the places on the list, it has not (yet) been “overrun” by tourists. That “overrun” may have to wait a while.

(The U.S. State Department issued a warning earlier this year, urging citizens to avoid nonessential travel to the Philippines’s Sulu Archipelago due to terrorism-linked violence there.)

Okay, that’s just one part of the country, but still, if the State Department was warning me to stay out of parts of any country due to “terrorism-linked violence there,” I might reach for the next tourist guide of the shelf. Why, if it isn’t for Pinsk…

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

One more reason to love Ben and Jerry’s

No doubt the quality’s gone down since they were acquired by Unilever. For all I know they put the same ingredients in Cherry Garcia fro-yo that they do in Dove soap and Vaseline.

Still, it’s hard for me not to love Ben & Jerry’s.

Vermont-made. Hippy-dippy old lefties. And, of course, Cherry Garcia, one of the all time great ice cream and/or frozen yogurt flavors. Okay, it’s not as good as that place in Truro, but I can pretty much get Ben & Jerry’s anywhere. Wish I had some right now…

So I really got a kick out of an article in last week’s Globe on a factory tour the company ran for a bunch of local folks who had written B&J’s a complaint letter.

They rented a luxury bus and ferried a group up to HQ in Waterbury, Vermont, to get an up close and personal tour of the factory, and an up close and personal response to the concerns they had raised.

My late Aunt Margaret wrote completely charming notes when there was something wrong with the Dromedary dates (or whatever.

Among other things my aunt managed to snag were the payback dates, which she needed for her famous (and famously wonderful) date-nut bread. (Wish I had some now.) She also wrote to the Yankee Drummer Inn to complain that, when my grandmother, aunts, and uncle were on from Chicago for my father’s dead-of-winter funeral, there was no heat in the inn. The now out-of-business Yankee Drummer Inn sent her an invitation for dinner on the house, which Margaret, my mother, and the Rogers kids took them up on – the Chicago relatives long since having returned to their nice warm homes in Chicago.

For a while, following in Margaret’s footsteps (handwriting?), I, too, wrote (what I thought were) completely charming notes when I had a problem with some consumer good or another.

I wrote to Cracker Jack to let them know there were too-few peanuts in the mix. In return, I got a carton of Cracker Jacks. (This was in the good old days when most companies followed up with product rather than coupons.)

Another time, I wrote the good folks at Tootsie Roll to inform them that I’d had a couple of Tootsie Pops that were virtually Tootsie-less. They, too, sent me a big box of Tootsie Pops.

More recently, a few years back, I wrote to L.L. Bean to let them know that, after I had washed some tee-shirts a couple of times, the hems fell out. L.L. has a completely wonderful returns policy, so they made good on the tee-shirts. (I think they changed suppliers, too, since I haven’t had that problem again.)

A few years ago, I was gearing up to write a letter to some Whole Food-ish cracker company when I found a tiny piece of rock baked into one of their crackers. When I spit the rock out, however, I saw that it looked quite a bit like a piece of tooth. At which point, my tongue detected that there was a very good reason why that little white thing looked like a piece of tooth. So I rescinded that complaint even before I could make it.

But I have not had any reason to write to Ben & Jerry’s. So I, alas, was not invited on the road trip.

Not so Scott White.

“I complained about a pint of Half Baked,” said Scott White, 24, a carpenter from Framingham. Six months ago, he dipped a spoon into a pint of the stuff — chocolate and vanilla ice cream studded with fudge brownies and chocolate chip cookie dough — and found the brownies “hard and powdery.” (Source: Boston.com)

White had e-mailed B&J’s, and they, in turn, had sent him a coupon and a refund check. A few months later, the magical not-so-mystery tour invite arrived.

“It’s like a Willy Wonka-type journey into a factory and I’ve got a golden ticket,” said White.

Ben & Jerry’s doesn’t bring everybody who writes a complaint letter to Waterbury. They do get about 7,500 such billets doux each year.  But Boston is close. And it’s a major market.

The journey and visit were an “attempt to say, ‘We heard you and you are right,’ ” said Kelly Mohr, a Ben & Jerry’s spokesman. “We didn’t want to just take the complaint; we wanted to move it further.

The customers got to go behind the scenes, even meeting with the quality manager, who told the folks what had happened with their specific complaints.

Those stale pistachios in Pistachio Pistachio that had pistachioed a woman from Waltham off?  They were “were roasted a little too long; they were a little stale.” Problem: no fixed.

As part of the tour, the complainants:

…were given lab coats, hairnets, and safety vests so they could go on the manufacturing floor during production... The group peered into blend tanks, saw homogenizers, and even tossed in a few ingredients.

Sure, this is a far cry from the days when Jerry himself would personally answer every complaint letter.

Ben & Jerry’s has no plans to run these trips regularly. (Too bad, I was kind of hoping I’d find a pit in my next pint of Cherry Garcia.)

Still, if I needed another reason to (still) love Ben & Jerry’s, this would be it.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Florian Homm goes off the lam

Although I had not actually been aware of Florian Homm’s existence until the other day, I am delighted to report that he is no longer a fugitive from justice.

Now he’s just another hedgie gone bad, cooling his heels in an Italian jail while he awaits extradition to the U.S. to stand trial for defrauding investors.

He had managed to stay on the lam for nearly six years before being arrested while hiding in plain sight: strolling around the Uffizi Gallery in Florence, checking out BFugitive Fund Manager Stuffed Underwear With Cash, Fled otticelli’s Birth of Venus – or maybe just the babes.

Anyway, as you can tell by the picture to the right, he’s my kind of guy – even if he did con folks out of a lot of money and disappear in the middle of the night, which must have been a tad bit difficult, given that he’s six-foot-seven…

Anyway:

Homm is accused in a criminal complaint filed March 6 in federal court in Los Angeles of defrauding investors in hedge funds he controlled, causing $200 million in losses. He is charged with four counts of conspiracy, wire fraud and securities fraud. He faces as long as 75 years in prison if convicted on all counts.

The founder and former chief investment officer of Absolute Capital Management Holdings Ltd. is accused of “cross trading” billions of shares of penny stocks between the company’s funds to boost the value of the otherwise illiquid securities.

The trades, through a Los Angeles-based broker-dealer that Homm co-owned, generated fees for Homm and Absolute Capital and also inflated the price of Absolute Capital’s shares, U.S. prosecutors said. Homm “dumped” his shares and resigned from Absolute Capital on Sept. 18, 2007, “in the middle of the night,” according to the U.S. (Source: Bloomberg.)

When Homm decamped he went to Colombia, where he passed most of his away time before returning to his homeland of Germany last year. He came back not to face the music, but rather to promote his book - Rogue Financier: The Adventures of an Estranged Capitalist – which became a best seller in Germany last year.  He wrote of his flight flight to Colombia in poignant, even heart breaking terms:

"As the jet climbed I was profoundly unsettled, my mind in a dense fog. I was breaking all connections to my former existence: colleagues, clients, acquaintances, friends, bimbos, dogs, family and children, and annihilating my fast fortune in the process."

Poor fellow. It’s one thing to have to sever your connections to colleagues, friends, family, dogs, and children. But bimbos?

Forget jail time, this guy has suffered enough.

And to show what an inner mensch he is, the proceeds of his best seller are going to a charity that benefits poor children in Liberia, the country that, coincidentally, provided him with the diplomatic passport that enabled him to travel without anyone patting him down to find the $500K he had stuffed in his pants when he fled.

But this plot is thicker than a Liberian diplomatic passport.

The initial leg of Homm’s passage to Colombia may have been a trip to Panama, using an Irish passport, and the name “Colin Trainor”. This is, of course, of special interest to me, given that me grandmother was a Trainor. She did not, to my knowledge, ever travel to Panama or Colombia. Or Ireland, for that matter.

The arrest in Italy is interesting, I must say, mostly because if he’d stayed put in Germany, Homm could not have been extradited to the U.S., since Germany allows extradition to EU countries only.

So perhaps Homm was looking to come in from the cold – he supposedly had a hefty bounty on his head, and also believes that at one point his bodyguard was lining up to kidnap him - and is hoping that he won’t be convicted. After all, he once hobnobbed with the likes of Boris Becker and Michael Douglas. Oh, wait, Michael Douglas couldn’t even keep his own son out of jail. Sorry, Florian. (It goes without saying that Homm claims he’s innocent of the charges against him.)

Meanwhile, Business Week is providing us with a tremendous public service by outlining some best practices for disappearing.

First rule: be prepared, by having money stashed away. “The best white-collar criminals think like mobsters” – think Whitey Bulger with all that cash behind the sheetrock – and, presumably, Homm had more money spread around than the $500K he stuffed in his Calvins. (Even in Colombia, that wouldn’t go all that far, especially if you were used to consorting with bimbos and Michael Douglas.)

A diplomatic passport, which is available at a price on the black market, lets you slip through airport customs pretty easily. And apparently Homm didn’t even have to pay for his. He was some sort of Liberian cultural attachĂ©. (Yeah, right.)

You also have to pick your destination wisely.

As an entire generation of Nazis discovered, South America has long been a place to go.

“If you’re in Colombia and you give $10,000 to the chief of police, you’re now the mayor,” says J.T. Mullen, a 77-year-old private detective based in Manhattan.

Surprisingly, Britain, Israel, and Belgium are also good places for white-collar criminals. (So’s Brazil, but that’s hardly a surprise.) Canada, apparently, has carved out a niche among “Chinese plutocrats with criminal records.” (Who knew? Other than Chinese plutocrats with criminal records.)

It also helps to be accused of financial crime, rather than be a mass murderer like Osama bin Laden or a smaller-scale murder like Our Whitey.

Oh, and don’t bother to fake your death. That’s considered a dead giveaway of guilt, and no one will believe you unless you leave behind something as substantial as a limb as evidence.

Another no-no is contacting family and friends – so don’t call mom on Mother’s Day.

Assuming you can keep getting away with it is another mistake that folks on the lam make. You get careless. Which may be what happened with Florian Homm.

Or – ta-da – you get bored.

You get used to the cigars, the Michael Douglases, the nightlife, the bespoke suits, the bims… Then all of a sudden, you’re a nobody.

“If you can live quietly and not bother other people, he says, there’s a good chance you’ll remain undetected. “But that almost never happens,” laughs [Daniel] Richman [a former federal prosecutor who teaches law at Columbia University].

Living quietly, by the way, is how Whitey Bulger got away with it for so long.

As for Florian Homm, we’ll be seeing him in court.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Rumpology

Well, I’ve certainly known folks whose heads are - there’s no really delicate way to say this - up their asses.

But, other than proctologists, I was not aware that there are folks who make their living putting their heads up the asses of others.

Then, somewhere along the line, I saw a mention of Jackie Stallone, of the illustrious Stallone family and mother of the illustrious Sylvester, who is a bona fide rumpologist – perhaps the foremost American practitioner.

Not familiar with rumpology?

Second cousin, once removed to phrenology (detecting who and what someone is by feeling the lumps in their head) and chirology (palm reading), rumpology is there science pseudoscience of “examining crevices, dimples, warts, moles and folds of a person’s buttocks.”

Stallone has been largely responsible for the supposed "revival" of rumpology in modern times.

Rumpologists have a variety of theories as to the meaning of different posterior characteristics. According to Stallone, the left and right buttocks reveal a person's past and future, respectively, although she has also commented that "The crack of your behind corresponds to the division of the two hemispheres of the brain".  (Thank you, wikipedia.)

So, there is something to being half-assed. I wonder if I’m more left-assed or right-assed. And did I say the Stallones were an illustrious family, or what? First, Sly – Martin Scorsese/Robert DiNiro and Raging Bull aside – was largely responsible for the supposed revival of the boxing movie in modern times, and here his mom does the same for rumpology. (If anyone doubts this is an incredible country and/or that there’s a sucker born every day, I submit the illustrious Stallone family as a complete and utter counterproof.)

Wikipedia has more for us. Ulf Beck, a blind German rumpologist – if you’re wondering about that “blind”, rumpology can be performed by sight, touch, or review of a butt print – has something of a astrology approach to butt typing. Those with muscular bottoms are charismatic and creative. Pear-shapers are down to earth.

Sam Amos, a British rumpologist, claims that round bummers are happy go lucky; and flat-bottomers are vain, negative, and sad.

And:

Ulf Beck claims he can read people's futures by feeling their naked buttocks.

I bet he gets even more out of the encounter, a side benefit, as it were. (Was it good for you, too, Ulfie?)

Jackie Stallone, on the other hand, foretells the future by examining the butts of her Doberman Pinschers, which is how she predicted that George W. Bush was going to be elected in 2000. (No comment.)

Fortune telling!

Here I was thinking that a dog’s asshole was something to be avoided, not learned from. I’ll have to take a closer look at my dog nephew Jack and see what I can divine.

Still working in her early nineties, Jackie is completely impressive. And, while rumpology probably doesn’t require any heavy lifting, it can’t be the easiest job on the face of the earth. Think of the presssure! What if you get it wrong, and mix the left cheek up with the right and give someone the wrong prognosis. You mean to tell them their future, and instead you tell them their past.

Jackie’s still going strong also cheers me, since it means that we may well be able to enjoy the oeuvre of Sylvester Stallone for another thirty or so years.

Jackie’s entire life seems to have been leading up to the point of achieving the acme of the rumpology world, what with one colorful career stop after another along the way.

Born in Washington, DC, Jackie was the daughter of a “prominent attorney” and his “socialite Parisian” wife, who climbed so high up the social ladder that Charles Atlas actually lived with them, teaching Jackie how not to be a 90 pound weakling.

Perhaps it was something Charles Atlas said, or the boredom of having a prominent attorney father and a Parisian socialite mother, or just living in Virginia Beach, but Jackie took off at the age of 15 to join the circus as part of the flying Wallendas.

She went on to host a daily fitness show, created a syndicated TV show on lady wrestlers, and made exercise videos with Richard Simmons.

Meanwhile, she’d always had an interest in astrology, fostered by Edgar Cayce, the noted psychic, who was a neighbor of Jackie’s family when she was growing up. I’m not sure how close they actually were to Edgar Cayce, however,seeing as on her web site, she spells his name Edgar Casey. I suspect the family was closer to Charles Atlas. But that’s just a hunch. (When I look up dog nephew Jack’s bum, I’ll put this on the list of what I’m looking for.)

To top off her many other professional accomplishments:

Jacqueline was responsible for getting astrology accepted as an accredited course in many colleges and universities in this country. (Source for this and the above bio information: jacquelinestallone.com )

Thank you, Jackie. If there’s one thing we need more of, it’s college students preparing for the global economy by taking astrology courses.

I understand that, now that you’re in your nineties, you may want to slow down just a bit, but if you could find the time and energy to get rumpology courses accredited…All I can say is that a grateful nation – and grateful parents everywhere – will thank you.

(And sorry to disappoint aspiring astrology majors, but I just googled and couldn’t actually find any college that has astrology courses for credit. Maybe I should have tried using bing….)

Friday, March 15, 2013

The Ides of St. Patrick’s Day

Well, it’s that time of year. Time for my annual St. Patrick’s Day post.

Problem is, I have little to say about SPD that I haven’t said in the past about my feelings about Ireland, the Irish, and being an Irish-American:

2012: Answering Ireland’s Call

2011: St. Patrick’s Day 2011

2010: St. Paddy’s Day No More We’ll Keep.

2009: Irish Eyes Not So Smiling These Days.

2008: You Say Po-tay-to, I say Po-tah-to. Who’s Irish and Who’s Not.

2007: Kiss Me, I’m Irish.

So maybe I should just take the day off from blogging. Instead:

Maybe I should bake some soda bread.

Maybe I should boil a potato.

Maybe I should sing The Long Road and Dirty Old Town in the shower.

Maybe I should dig up my shamrock earrings so I’ll be able to do a bit of wearin’ of the green on Sunday.

Maybe I should listen to a Mary Black and/or DeDannan CD.

Maybe I should read the online Irish Times.

Maybe I should re-read The Dead. (Greatest short story ever.)

Or all of the above.

Which is what I’m going to do.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day.

Meanwhile, I am feeling a bit guilty that I end up mostly ignoring my German heritage. This is, of course, because we grew up around my father’s (Irish) family, in an Irish-American enclave, in a parish where all the nuns and priests were of Irish descent, in a city that seemed to house every possible ethnic group on the face of the earth, other than German. Maybe I’d be more German identified if we’d grown up in my mother’s home town of Chicago, where there are oom-pah bands and beer gardens. Maybe I’d be more German identified if my first name were Brunhilde rather than Maureen. Maybe I’d be more German identified if Germans weren’t so associated with things like Nazis rather than things like pots of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Anyway, I just looked up St. Boniface’s feast day, and it’s June 5th.

I was gearing up to make a note about blog celebrating my German-ness on that date, when I realized that I knew jack-shit (jack shite? jake-scheiss?) about St. Boniface, other than that he’s the patron saint of Germany.

Come to find out, St. Boniface, like St. Patrick, was born in England.

Turns out I’m not the only one with a mixed background…

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Junk food junky

When I was in business school, a couple of Arthur D. Little consultants paid a call on a marketing class I was taking. The one thing I remember from their presentation was that the reason Alpo Beef Stew for dogs smelled like Dinty Moore Beef Stew for humans was so that humans would perceive that their dogs were getting something yummy to eat.

I, of course, had to put this to a test, so the next time I was near a can of Alpo and had a can opener in hand, I tried a bite.

While it did not smell anywhere near as delish as my mother’s beef stew, it did smell pretty good – maybe like Campbell’s Vegetable Beef soup. But the taste was way too bland – no salt or other tasty additives for the family pooch.

I thought of this while reading a recent article in The New York Times on the lengths that food companies go to to make junk food addictive.

On the one hand, here are these evil-doers, one step removed from the tobacco executives who knowingly made cigarettes addictive, hooking us on stuff that’s no darned good for us, making sure that they always won the “bet you can’t eat just one” bet.

On the other hand, here are canny food company scientists and marketers doing what they can do to push more product by giving us what we want. Unfortunately, what we want is not celery sticks and carrots. It’s Cheetos and M&Ms.

If I had to pick one hand to play, I would have to say that, while I’m a bit sympathetic to the argument that “they” are just giving us what we want (i.e., Cheetos and M&Ms), what “they” are doing – given the humongous rates of obesity we have in this country – is really no better than what the tobacco evil-doers did to get smokers hooked on taking a puff of springtime.

The article starts out with a retelling of a food industry powwow in 1999, when the U.S. obesity rate was a relatively modest 25%. (It’s now 35.7%, according to the 2012 figures from the CDC.)

Jame Behnke, a Pillsbury exec, teed up the meeting by expressing his concerns about the elephant on the food industry’s groaning table:

It was time, he and a handful of others felt, to warn the C.E.O.’s that their companies may have gone too far in creating and marketing products that posed the greatest health concerns.

Behnke was followed by Michael Mudd, a Kraft VP, who ran through the grim obesity statistics, and said:

“For those of us who’ve looked hard at this issue, whether they’re public health professionals or staff specialists in your own companies, we feel sure that the one thing we shouldn’t do is nothing…As a culture, we’ve become upset by the tobacco companies advertising to children, but we sit idly by while the food companies do the very same thing. And we could make a claim that the toll taken on the public health by a poor diet rivals that taken by tobacco.”

Having heard the problem laid out, Stephen Sanger, the head of General Mills, which has given us such necessary evils like Lucky Charms:

“Don’t talk to me about nutrition,” he reportedly said, taking on the voice of the typical consumer. “Talk to me about taste, and if this stuff tastes better, don’t run around trying to sell stuff that doesn’t taste good.”

To react to the critics, Sanger said, would jeopardize the sanctity of the recipes that had made his products so successful. General Mills would not pull back. He would push his people onward, and he urged his peers to do the same. Sanger’s response effectively ended the meeting.

So here’s the problem: if there’s more salt, sugar, and fat in it, we’ll eat more of it. Which is good for business. But bad for everyone’s health.

Of course, that’s good for business in the short term.

In the long run, if the junk food junkies all die early, that can’t be good for business, can it?

I like Cheetos and M&Ms as much as the next guy. Even just typing the word Cheeto is making my mouth water.

And yet, like any reasonably nutritionally responsible and health conscious person, I try to limit the mount of junk that I consume, without becoming puritanical and self-depriving about it. This also means recognizing that I feel better when I eat healthy than when I eat crap. This doesn’t get me to eliminate all crap from my diet. After all, that Italian sub from Big Al’s, with onions, pickles, and hots, with a side bag of Utz chips, all washed down with a Diet Coke, tastes pretty darned good going down. It’s just that in the aftermath, my body’s telling me that this wasn’t a wise choice to make.  So most of the time – although by no means all the time – I try to just say no to the worst of the worst foods.

But I’m also someone who can afford to buy healthy foods, and who has access to places to buy them.

I can walk over to Whole Foods and get my produce, so I’ve always got fresh fruits and veggies in the fridge. I can buy free range chicken and grass fed hamburger (which, let me tell you, makes a mighty tasty meat loaf, even if I’ve had to substitute crushed gluten free crackers for breadcrumbs). I can make sure I always have a handful of almonds or dried pineapple to snack on.

Money and access, of course, are not something that’s available to all consumers, especially the poor. And that, of course, is where the obesity epidemic has its greatest hold. And if no one’s force-feeding poor folks – or anyone else -  on junk food, if there’s nothing else around…

But most middle class people can afford and have access to healthy food.

So in order to extend their market beyond poor folks who can only shop at convenience stores selling pop-tarts and beef jerky, the food-industrial complex has to make their wares so addictive. So tasty. So convenient.

Which is how we all get hooked on them.

Including me.

As I write this, it’s 9 p.m. on a snow-stormy night. And I’m tempted to run out to the corner store to see if they have Cheetos. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a Cheeto, but what I wouldn’t give for one melting in my mouth, coating my teeth with sticky Cheeto melt, and turning my fingers a fine orange-y-yellow that I can lick off.

And if I did go out for that bag of Cheetos, I wouldn’t even bother to make a bet with myself.

I know I can’t eat just one.

Anyway, The Times article is an interesting read. But a long one. Make sure you have plenty of (healthy) snacks on hand as you start your read.