Run, Eeyore, Run! Fight, Roo, Fight!

In January 2022, Winnie the Pooh - the classic original - left the House on Pooh Corner and entered the public domain. So far, the two most notable new works that play off Pooh have been horrific in their own ways.

Earlier this year, a British slasher film, Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, made its dismal way to theaters. The plot? "Transformed into feral and bloodthirsty, Winnie-the-Pooh and Piglet terrorize Christopher Robin and a group of young women at a remote house."

I'm not wild about the cloyingness of the original Pooh stories. And don't ask me how I feel about the grotesquery that is the Disney version. But I'll take a hard pass on a slasher movie that features a "feral and bloodthirsty" Piglet. 

The market has pretty much spoken on this one, as the box office since February has only been about $5M. (In contrast, the new Disney Littlest Mermaid's box office has been boffo. The first weekend after its release its gross exceeded $100M.)

But I'd take the slasher pic any old day rather than continue to live in a world where someone thought it was a good idea to have Pooh, Christopher, Eeyore, Piglet, Kanga and Roo star in a book for pre-K and elementary school on what to do if they're caught up in a school shooting.

Parents and teachers in the Dallas area have expressed alarm and concern that the Stay Safe book, produced by a law enforcement consulting firm in Houston, has been sent home in the backpacks of children in pre-kindergarten and elementary classes.

The book features the honey-loving bear created by AA Milne and illustrator EH Shepard instructing kids about how to react to a mass shooting...

The subtitle to the Stay Safe book is: “If there is danger, let Winnie-the-Pooh and his Crew show you what to do: Run Hide Fight.” (Source: The Guardian)

Run, hide, fight is, of course, what the FBI advises we all do if a gunman shows up, guns a-blazing, at the workplace, restaurant, grocery store, shopping mall, concert, movie theater, and - of course - school, where you happen to have the ill fortune of being when some aggrieved psycho with an AR-15 decides to exercise the hell out of his First Amendment rights. (The FBI has produced a nifty little video PSA that shows how the staff and patrons ideally react when a bad guy with a gun decides to take out a bar. You'll be elated to know that a few good guys, even though they're unarmed - 0ther than the bottle of booze the bartender is armed with - take down the shooter.)

Inside pages of the book, featuring other characters from the Hundred Acre Wood, tell kids: “If it is safe to get away, we should RUN like Rabbit instead of stay … If danger is near, do not fear, HIDE like Pooh does until the police appear.”

The “hide” page has a drawing of Pooh burying his head in a pot of honey.

Hands in the air, by the way, when the police appear. Don't forget that key tip or you could get laid low by "friendly" fire.

Needless to say, many parents and teachers found the little gift pretty disturbing. One teacher's response:

“The fact that people think it’s a better idea to put out this book to a child rather than actually take any actions to stop shootings from happening in our schools, that really bothers me. It makes me feel so angry, so disappointed.

“It’s a year since Uvalde, and nothing has been done other than this book. That is putting it on the kids.”

Such a cool tie in that the books were given out to coincide with the first anniversary of the Uvalde school massacre. Sick, sick, sick.

Gun violence is the leading cause of death for children, having scooted past car accidents last year. And our response? Pop up safe rooms for classroom. Bullet proof backpacks. Active shooter drills. (Turn your phone off; pretend you're dead.) Teaching fifth graders how to use whatever's at hand to make a tourniquet. 

And, of course, gun laws that are, in many states - and you know who they are - getting looser and looser. 

There is something colossally deranged going on in our society.

Winnie the Pooh and his pals belong in the 100 Acre Wood, not illustrating books on how to survive a shooting event. 

What is wrong with us???