Jailhouse Rock!

One of the things I most enjoy about watching house hunting and reno shows on HGTV is seeing how little you get for your real estate buck in anyplace I'd want to live, and how much you can get in places I wouldn't be caught dead in. 

You can get a fixer upper for $80K in Waco, Texas, and for another $70K - your "all in" - you can turn it into your dream house. Your buck stretches even further in lil' ol' Laurel, Mississippi, where Erin and Ben - the cutest couple on real estate television - buy these adorable little houses for $48K and turn them into comfy-cozy, darling wonder-homes anyone would be proud to own. If they wanted to live in Laurel, Mississippi. Which, personally, is not on my list of possibilities. 

And that fabulous Victorian on House Hunters? The one going for $350K? Well, you have to be ready, willing, and able to live in Columbus, Ohio. Or some truly godforsaken place.

While in Boston, that $350K might get you a studio apartment. Somewhere.

Still, I much enjoy real estate shows, and the occasional article that floats by on a fun house for sale.

Thus, the two-bed, two-bath home in Fayette, Missouri, managed to catch my eye. Although I think they could have done a better job with the landscaping so that the house doesn't appear to be a leaning tower of Pisa wannabe, it's a charmer. 

Anyway, I'd never heard of Fayette, which is in the middle of nowhere - i.e., nowhere near Kansas City or St. Louis, but only 30 or so miles from Columbia, where the University of Missouri is. Even with Mizzou not that far away, $350K seemed a bit pricey for the neighborhood, even if this 1894 beauty had been fully reno'd. Sure, there were lots of nice features like hardwood floors and updated everything. Not to mention fabulous details like this brass keyhole in what appears to be one of the housing objects of my desire: pocket doors. 

 

Still, $350K seemed a bit steep.

Then, on the real estate listing I saw (now taken down - apparently social media went wildly viral, or virally wild, about this offering - there's a mention that the 2005 reno of the place cost $1.5M. Now I am neither an economist nor a real estate guru, but it seems to me that, unless you plan to live someplace the rest of your life and don't care what happens to that someplace after you die, it's not that financially sound a decision to sink over a million bucks into something that turns out to be worth - reconsults notes - $350K a few years later. 

Oh, maybe the bottom fell out of the Fayette, Missouri real estate market. Still, that seems like a mighty big loss to swallow.

I'm not from Missouri, but still I have a bit of Show Me in me, so I wanted to see just how it was that a 2 bed, 2 bath home in Fayette, Missouri might command a sale price of $350K - even after undergoing a $1.5M reno.

What makes it worth it is that the house is attached to what once was the county jail. There are nine cells in there, which are, of course, in addition to the "normal" two bedrooms. And "the cell door lock throws appear to be operational." (Source: USA Today)

How's this for a guest room, with an en suite half bath?

You get to these spare rooms through the kitchen. (Note to self: kitchen requires a near gut job.)

But it looks like there could be a lot of possibilities.

A family with a lot of kids could just toss the kiddos into their very own wing each night and just throw the bolt. And talk about in-law space. 

With so many working from home now, owners could set up Zoom rooms for the job holders. And personal school-away-from-school classrooms for the kids.

For a while - I believe it was in the 1980's - there was a fad for hotels with "themed" rooms. Well, here's a B&B with the themes all ready to go. The owners could even slide breakfast into each guest room through a slot. 

This place could also be turned into an escape room game place, if escape rooms are still a thing. (A few years ago, one of my clients had the holiday party for the marketing team at an escape room, and I went along. We were split up into four teams and, unfortunately, I was teamed with the two other most analytical folks in the marketing department. While the crew in the next cell were rampaging around, disposed to try-everything action, we sat on the metal bench trying to analyze our way out. To our chagrin, the action-eers made their escape a couple of seconds ahead of us. We still maintain that our approach was the sounder one, despite the results.)

Anyway, just as it is, this real estate listing has provided this house-bound covidian with an escape of sorts. Not that I'd want anything to do with it, but it's sure fun to rubberneck, isn't it? In the right hands, this jailhouse could surely rock.