Mostly I can live without the mascots, but maybe this year...

I love and miss my Red Sox. But I don't so much miss - and definitely do not love - Wally the Green Monster, their mascot. Mascots for professional sports teams? I pretty much put them in the same category as clowns. Just say no.

Back in the day, of course, there was no such nonsense. You went to a baseball game to enjoy (or not) the baseball game. The only entertainment, other than what was going on on the field, was provided by the organist. And I don't think the organists played as much as they do now. Maybe they played a bit between innings or when there was a pause for a call to the bullpen, but in my memory, the only songs the organist played were "The Star Spangled Banner," "Take Me Out to the Ballgame," and some non-specific organ music that ushered fans out of the park at game's end. Today at Fenway, there's more organ music, augmented by bits of recorders of pop tunes. I don't recall that ballplayers having "their" song played when they came to bat. Not that I mind it, but when was that invented?

At Fenway, there's also the "Sweet Caroline" sing-along to a recording of Neil Diamond. And the blasting (if the Sox win) of "Love that Dirty Water" and "Tessie" when the game's over.

Anyway, I'd be fine if that was it for entertainment. Who needs more than the double-barreled combo of baseball and (some) music?

I'm really not all that much of a purist. There are plenty of old timey fans who despise "Sweet Caroline", which has been played regularly as we wait for the bottom of the eighth to start for nearly 20 years now.

But I could live without the dance offs, the videos of bloopers, the engagement scenes (awwwww....). I absolutely loathe the wave. And if I never saw another mascot at a game, I'd be just as happy. (There's little that I like about the New York Yankees, but they are one of the few major league teams that refuses to have a mascot.)

If baseball resumes this season - and it's a mighty big IF, given the general uncertainty and the certainty of greed on the part of both the teams and the players in terms of compensation - it looks like teams will be be playing before empty stadiums. And it looks like the mascots won't be there.

No sprinting Sausage in Milwaukee. No racing Presidents in DC. No Mr. Met. No Philly Phanatic.  No Swinging Friar in San Diego. (But, when you think about it for a nanosec, the idea of a swinging friar is pretty unsavory to begin with.)

And no Wally the Green Monster, no Tessie, Wally's kid sister.

There's really no reason to keep the mascots away. The costumes they wear look like they make for a lot better PPE than the players will have. And if it will make things seem a bit more normal, if some kiddos will get a kick out of them, if their presence will give us anti-mascot types something to bitch about that isn't directly COVID or Trump related, for godssake, let the mascots perform.

There’s already a blueprint MLB could follow that explains why mascots fit in barren ballparks.
Take a look across the globe. Mascots remained a staple of baseball games in Taiwan and the KBO League in South Korea. American fans who stayed up late (or is it, woke up early?) to watch KBO games on ESPN were mesmerized by mascots gone wild in empty stadiums.

The LG Twins mascots -- twin robot boys named Lucky and Star -- wore masks. So did cheerleaders and a drum section that provided the soundtrack for an otherwise dreary atmosphere.

The Chinese Professional Baseball League barred spectators over concerns of spreading the new coronavirus in a crowded space, but the league decided it was safe to let in cheerleaders and costumed mascots.

“This is the most important time to leverage fun, when people are sick and dying and dealing with the brutality of life,” [Dave] Raymond [former Philly Phanatic and current mascot consultant] said. “That is the time that you find a way to distract people and entertain them.” (Source: ABC News)

Mascot consultant. Now there's a gig...

As for the current mascot-ing mascots, most of them remain working for their respective organizations, where they already had other jobs. And they're doing some gigs:

Mr. Met cleans windows. D. Baxter the Bobcat [Arizona Diamondbacks] taught crosswalk safety. Wally the Green Monster records virtual messages for charity.

Still, their real job is entertaining the fans - even if they'll be doing it virtually. 

Look, when I'm at Fenway, the last thing I want is Wally and/or Tessie anywhere near me. (Fortunately, they're pretty good at reading body language and figuring out who might not welcome their presence.) But it's not the worst idea in the world to have them around.

“I’m just imploring them to value the character brands,” Raymond said. “There is a safe way for you to have fun, and frankly, fun is the most important thing you can invest in right now.”

I don't give a hoot about "character brands." And I really don't think that fun is "the most important thing you can invest in right now." 

Seriously, Dave? Ahead of better COVID testing, treatment and vaccine? Ahead of fairly run elections, ones that aren't characterized by voter suppression? Ahead of better training for police forces - and weeding out the white nationalists among them?

Still, when and if baseball comes back this season - and I hope it does - I wouldn't mind seeing Wally out there. 

Mostly I can live without the mascots, but this season I'm making an exception.