Last Friday, a woman sitting in front of us at the Elton John concert spent the entire concert with her nose in her smartphone, checking in on Facebook and Instagram. She kept going back to the same picture – a long distance shot of the stage – comparing and contrasting hers to those that her friends at the concert were also posting. What a waste of a ticket.
This woman was no kid. Not as old as I am, but certainly 50ish. So no “she grew up with social media” excuse.
How about enjoying the concert and grabbing pictures and videos afterward, posted by someone with a better vantage point.
But, no. It has to be in the moment (which means you can’t enjoy the moment), and it has to be mine, all mine.
I just don’t get it.
With a few exceptions, I can take or leave social media.
Obviously, I’m a blogger. But by social media standards, blogging – long form blogging, which I do – is the rotary dial phone of social media. Strictly for the olds who have nothing better to do than write stuff and read stuff. TLDR territory.
Not that I am totally social media avoidant. While I rarely post anything, I am a dedicated follower on Twitter, where I mostly keep up with breaking news. Occasionally, I respond to a tweet, and had a little thrill the other day when I responded to a tweet from writer/pundit Charlie Pierce and he responded to my response. Be still my twittering heart! (Charlie is a Worcester native, and his post was about diners.)
I do have a Facebook presence – not under my full name – which I set up solely for the purpose of being able to post and answer information requests on the FB page of a non-profit I volunteer for.
Admittedly, to an entirely non-social-media person, I probably sound like a social media maven. But, truly, I’m so not a social media person. I don’t feel I need to record every stray thought I’ve had in real time. Let alone share with the world a picture of myself wherever I am, whenever the urge to share hits.
So even if I lived in Manhattan, the last job on the face of the earth that I’d apply for is one that recently appeared on Craigslist.
Social Media Photographer/ Coordinator and Mother’s Helper (Upper East Side)
Manhattan family looking for a photographer to work with them on a regular basis as their Social Media Coordinator, either FT or PT. This person MUST have advanced knowledge of of Photoshop and Lightroom, have experience working with/shooting young children/families and be comfortable acting as Mother’s Helper on days when not shooting/editing. This person should also have experience in fashion photography and be internet/IG savvy.
Compensation will be hourly or daily rate.
Please do not apply if you do not have the required photo editing experience. Thank you
Where to begin…
Okay. Here’s where to begin.
I don’t know nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies, but if I were looking for a mother’s helper, I don’t think I’d be looking on Craigslist. Maybe it was seeing the Craigslist Killer movie, or that it took place in Boston. But I think that if I were looking for a mother’s helper, I’d ask my friends and/or trusted daycare provider and/or local college with an early childhood education major. Or something.
My second thought after wondering who’d go looking for a mother’s helper on Craigslist was are Ivanka and Jared moving back to New York?
My third thought was who needs a FT social media co-ordinator for their family? I would think that even someone as brand-conscious and media-pushy as Ivanka wouldn’t need someone fulltime to promote how fashion forward her children are, how perfectly posed her life is.
This leads me to believe that this job is mostly mother’s helper, with an extra layer of responsibility for chronicling the more attractive aspects of the job.
You get to change the poopy diapers and Insta up a cutie-pie snap of bébé, rosy-cheeked in their $500 snowsuit and mini-Uggs. Or whatever the boot du jour is. You get to nag the kids into doing their homework – or do it for them – and picture and post them making Martha Stewart cupcakes. And for the holidays, hoo-boy. Help mother with her list, do the ultra-perfect wrapping, then post the family around their professionally-decorated tree, pretending that the kids are allowed to get anywhere near it.
Can you imagine anything worse than playing mother’s helper to a woman who is likely a mega-narcissist, a crazed perfectionist, a superficial beeyotch who treats her children like props? (Bet she’s an influencer, too.)
A tip for anyone applying for this choice position – a position that would have Mary Poppins prodding someone’s bum with her umbrella, or conking them over the head with it: go for the hourly, rather than the daily rate. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that those days might be really lllooonnnggg…
Folks commenting on this posting – which I saw on Twitter, source now lost – noted that this would be an excellent job for a would-be writer who’d be able to get a novel or a true life “horrors of the Upper East Side” book out of it.
Would even that make it worth it?
Altogether sounds like a complete and utter job from hell.
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