Anthem (“All Hail, Massachusetts”)

On the news the other evening, the West Virginia teachers, who had resolved their strike and gotten a raise for themselves and other state workers, were celebrating at their state house when they broke into song. Take Me Home, Country Roads (West Virginia, Mountain Mama).

It, of course, made me happy that these folks, whose compensation is barely above the poverty level and who still go out of pocket to buy clothing for and otherwise take care of their even-more-mired-in-poverty students, had won their victory. But it also made me realize that one of the things that the otherwise excellent Commonwealth of Massachusetts lacks is a state song.

Oh, we have one. It’s called All Hail, Massachusetts, and I’d never heard it until I moseyed over to YouTube. As anticipated, it was pretty awful. And the fellow singing it, Rick Pickren, is obviously not a Bay Stater. It’s CONK-id, not CON-CORD. Geeza Louisa.  

All hail to Massachusetts,
The land of the free and the brave!
For Bunker Hill and Charlestown
And flag we love to wave;
For Lexington and Concord,
And the shot heard 'round the world;
All hail to Massachusetts,
We'll keep her flag unfurled.

And trust me when I say that, much as we all love our native state, the Massachusetts flag is pretty boring, and not one that I’ve ever seen anyone waving.

Far better is our state folk song, Arlo Guthrie’s Massachusetts, which is actually a pretty good tune. Not to mention that it’s god’s own truth.

Now if you could only see
I know you would agree
There ain't nowhere else to be
Like Massachusetts

Still, I can’t imagine a bunch of teachers bursting into a rousing chorus of Massachusetts while standing under the Golden Dome.

It is, however, a lot more imaginable than anyone bursting into a drowsy, dirgey chorus of the Bee Gees The Lights All Went Out in Massachusetts. What a complete and utter downer. Nonetheless, as I learned from Wikipedia, in 1968, “it was the first No. 1 hit single by a non-Japanese artist on Japan's official hit chart.”

My favorite Massachusetts song is Sweet Baby James, which doesn’t mention Massachusetts, but does mention Boston, my husband’s name (James), and my birthday (December 1). So, yay!

But what would our teachers sing?

Probably Sweet Caroline, because, well, that’s what we sing. It’s lively. It’s energetic. And you get to bellow, “so good, so good, so good”.

But we don’t have a Country Roads, or a Colorado Rocky Mountain High, or an Oklahoma! No Sweet Home Alabama. No Deep in the Heart of Texas. We don’t even have a Georgia On My Mind or Back Home Again in Indiana (which, oddly enough, was the tune to the theme song of my grandfather’s saloon. Alas, there is no one alive who remembers the lyrics, so all we know is that it began “Back home again, in Rogers bar room, that’s the place I long to be.”)

So we’re not near the top of the heap when it comes to state songs, and we don’t fare much better on the city song front, either.

Dirty Water is, of course, a great song. And we get to sing it every time the Red Sox win.

But it pales in comparison to New York, New York (Frank Sinatra/Yankee Stadium). Or New York, New York (from On The Town – as in “the Bronx is up and the Battery’s down”). Or even The Sidewalks of New York.

We have a couple of runners-up to Dirty Water: the plaintive Please Come to Boston. The Dropkick Murphy’s Shipping Up to Boston. Charlie on the MTA. But, sorry folks, it ain’t no New York, New York (either version).

Alas.

Chicago has better songs, too. My Kind of Town, Chicago Is (there’s Frankie-boy again), and Chicago, Chicago (That Toddlin’ Town). But the state of Illinois, while I’m sure they have an All Hail, Massachusetts equivalent floating around out there, doesn’t have anything akin to Arlo’s Massachusetts. Or even the Bee Gee’s Lights All Went Out.

San Francisco, where New Yorker Tony Bennett left his heart, has better songs than Boston. They’ve also got Jeanette Macdonald belting out San Francisco. And the hippy-dippy If You’re Going to San Francisco. But points off for MacArthur Park, even if it doesn’t mention the city.

Oh, boo hoo. Wish we had a better state song. Wish we had a better city song. Something like City of New Orleans, which I realize is about a train, but still.

Think I’ll go drown out my sorrows by listening to Frank and Ella sing Moonlight in Vermont. That’s almost the same as moonlight in Massachusetts. Then I’ll segue over to Patti Page crooning about honest to goodness Massachusetts moonlight in Old Cape Cod.