I no, I noh

I no noh know how it happens. Your You’re moor more or less righting writing along, ore or maybe it’s just typing along, and somehow, ewe you end up with a homonym wright right their there in the plaice place of the reel real word you wont want.

Pink Slip – sometimes posted without a good deal of proofing – is certainly know noh no stranger two too to this phenomenon. 

Its It’s not as if eye I don’t know the correct word. And I usually dew due do catch them on my reed- read-through.

Still, sometimes it just happens.

And I forgive myself.

And never, ever, ever think for a minute that I’m an ignoramus.

But when it comes to such picayune errors in the non-Pink Slip public realm, I’m apparently a lot less forgiving. Especially when I come across said picayune error in an online article, in a for-real online “newspaper”, which, presumably, someone paid to have written.

Also, when an online commenter strikes me as a complete and utter racist/homophobic/wingnut ranter – which, let’s face it, so many of them do – I don’t forgive them their picayune errors, either.

Nope, I don’t think they suffer, as I do, from homonym-itis, the condition which causes perfectly intelligent folks to substitute a homonym for the word they actually intended.

Anyway, in my unforgiving mood, here are a few of the howlers I’ve come across in the last couple of weeks:

Pray on victims
Well, I suppose if there were a victim prone in the gutter, struck down by a rogue cab, and you threw your body on top of that victim, say, to keep him warm, while also praying for his recovery, you could be praying on a victim. But in the context of the article, I do believe what was meant was “prey.”

Lude names
My far kindlier sisters – to whom I reported this one – have suggested that the person perhaps meant to say “rude” here. But given the context, I’m going with a “lewd” intent. But ‘lude names’ got me to wonder about just what a ‘lude name might be.

I personally don’t know any ‘lude users, but the first stoner name that came to mind was Jeff Spicoli.

So, was someone calling the poor young woman a Spicoli?

Innocent bi-standards
When it comes to things sexual, standards vary quite a bit. But there’s no doubt that bisexuals have standards, just as heterosexuals and homosexuals do. And some of those bi-standards may well be innocent. (I really go for the boy and girl next door…)

But I’m think that, when it comes to innocence, we’re more likely to be talking about bystanders. (Which isn’t even a homonym; no homonym-itis excuse for you, pal.)

Inching to have this happen
Do you suppose that the person who wrote this thinks the movie is actually the “Seven Year Inch”? That Benadryl takes care of pesky inching?

Or have they coined a new term, one that means that something is inching its way towards occurrence?

I’m just inching to know…

My favorite recent find was this one:

Spewing epitaphs
Personally, I don’t know many epitaphs. In fact, there’s only one, and that belongs to William Butler Yeats:

Cast a cold Eye
On Life, on Death.
Horseman, pass by!

Whatever that means… (And speaking of Yeats’ epitaph, although I wasn’t on a horse but was, rather, in a cab, I did pass by the cemetery in which Yeats is buried. But it was cold, and it was rainy, and we were eager to get to Sligo Town so, yes, we did indeed pass by.)

Anyway, if you’re going to be spewing epitaphs, it might as well be one of a brilliant poet.

Me? I prefer to spew epithets.

Praying on victims, lude names, innocent bi-standards… All part of the transition from a written to oral culture, I suppose.

Harrumph.