I saw an article in The NY Times Deal Book the other day on Hostess – the cupcake folks – filing for bankruptcy. Well, my first thought was ‘didn’t I blog about this one a while back?’ And, indeed, I did – in September 2008 (!) when I was bemoaning the possible loss of Devil Dogs, and memorializing my relationship with Wonder Bread, Sno-Balls, and Twinkies.
Well, Hostess – which, last bankruptcy around was called Interstate but has now reverted to the far more evocative name of Hostess – emerged from that September 2008 bankruptcy, only to be refiling now. Mostly, it seems, to shake off the dough they owe to the Bakery and Confectionary Union pension fund.
I’m sure that the machers advising the Hostess CEO here – Perella Weinberg (financial adviser) and Jones Day (legal) must be sleeping better at night knowing that they are helping show those greedy and rapacious union bakers a thing or two. Gee, just imagine what someone who worked, oh, 40 years on the line squirting goop into Twinkies must have been hauling down in pension payout. No wonder this great country is going down the (pastry) tubes, what with retired factory workers sucking us dry. Thugs! Weaklings! Chiselers! If they had any decency they’d be grateful to their betters – like the folks at Perella Weinberg and Jones Day – for the opportunity to work for below minimum wage and no benefits. And to do so for as long as they can frost the curlicue design on the patent-leather frosted top of a Hostess Cupcake. If they had one iota of patriotism, they’d be willing to die with their white cloth booties on.
In addition to untold pensioners, Hostess has 20,000 employees.
Maybe this new bankruptcy will bring them to their senses, to the realization that theirs is one cushy job.
I mean, standing around in a toasty warm baking facility that smells so marvelously sweet.
Now that I think of it, these bums should probably be paying Hostess for the privilege. Instead of a punch clock, each factory door could have a credit card swipe. I don’t think they should charge their workers all that much. And I do think they should occasionally give them a bag of rejects – bad curlicues on the cupcakes - to take home. Christmas bonus, nice treat for the kiddies, excellent gesture of managerial goodwill. Maybe even call it something like the “Let Them Eat Cupcake” program. Has a nice ring to it, no?
Wonder if they could get anything back from those retirees, no doubt sitting around in posh condos in Florida or Arizona. That’s when they’re not buzzing around in RV’s with a bumper-sticker that says “I’m spending my kids’ inheritance.” Not for much longer, Grandpop! Not if you worked for Hostess, cupcake!
Should I run this idea by the good folks at Perella Weinberg and Jones Day? Nah. They’re plenty smart. They’ve probably already thought of it.
Sure, I’m a bit tempted to feel bad for those 20,000 factory workers and those fat-cake union pension-eers.
But, when they chose a career in confectionary, they should have looked ahead and figured that this day would come.
Sheesh.
What was wrong with them?
Why didn’t they go out and get meaningful and real jobs like the ones at Perella Weinberg and Jones Day?
Personally, while the Devil Dog is, more or less, one of my remembrances of things past – so what if it’s not a madeleine? – I won’t miss those cupcakes.
If I want a cupcake, I’ll do what a real American does. I’ll stop at one of the fancy-dan cupcake stores that are sprouting up all over the place and get myself a $4 Red Velvet with buttercream frosting.
What’s wrong with people if they can’t see that this is a so, so, so much better way to live?
Sheesh.
2 comments:
well, when I first read about Hostess, I wasn't concerned,thinking Devil Dogs (and Funny Bones and Ring Dings - do they even make those anymore?) were safe since they were the far superior "Drake's Cakes". But of course in the era of conglomeration they are part of the Hostess umbrella. Let's hope those greedy retirees stop putting their hands out so the rest of us can enjoy our dogs!
As a former Bostonian--born and bred in Brighton--and as a "bloated" retiree now living in NYC, off the fat of the land, albeit without an RV--I appreciate your sense of humor. You get it right. If corporate interests had their way, we would all be groveling at their feet for lousy jobs, working ourselves to death. I recently gave a seminar paper at the Aesthetic Realism Foundation in NYC, and spoke about: "A Woman's Dissatisfaction--What Makes it Wise or Foolish, Right or Wrong?" I talked some about the amazing Mother Jones who said: "Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living." I think there are other Mother Jones' out there, and that makes me very happy! When you can visit the blog: Unions Matter! at: http://unionsmatter.wordpress.com/ Carol Driscoll
Post a Comment