Thursday, January 28, 2010

Pick Up Artists, Inc.

Somewhere in my grazing, I came across a reference to an outfit called "Love Systems." Although I am neither a target for their wares, nor an object of their desire, I thought I'd check them out. (Because I do not want to contract any type of web-transmitted STD, I'm not following my usual blogging policy of providing a link to the source. Get thee to The Google if you want to find this particular non-nunnery.)

Love Systems is part of the seduction industry, one sector of the economy that's presumably recession-proof, if their seminar schedule is any indication.

Throughout the world, on any given weekend, you'll have your choice of attending Bootcamp (Bootycamp?) for $3K (which combines classroom-style seminar with field experience); a Game Day Workshop - for picking up women during the daylight hours - for $1K; or other courses aimed at helping boy meet girl.  Make that boy bed girl, since these courses aren't exactly designed for Andy Hardy and Polly Benedict. We're thinking more son of Hugh Hefner cons Hooter's waitress into thinking he's a nice guy.

Since much of what they're selling is how to pick up women in pick up bars, I'm not going to go all tsk-tsk-y here.

Some/many women may go to pick up bars in hopes of meeting Mr. Right, but, deep in their hearts, they've got to know that they're more apt to be meeting Mr. Right Now. (Talk about 'looking for love in all the wrong places.')

But it does strike me as bizarre that you can pay $3K for a self-improvement seminar in which one of the takeaways is learning  the difference between a "Same Night Lay" and a "One Night Stand." (Nothing leaping to mind here? 'Same Night Lay" leaves open the possibility of seeing the woman again.)

The courses are run by guys with handles like "Big Business," "Samurai," and "Keychain."

Some of the names are not quite so stud-ly.

Quick. Word associate with "Biskit."

Limp Bizkit, right?

And Fader?  Is it just me, or does this sound - speaking of Limp Bizkits -  like someone who just might fade on you, whatever the love system in place.

One guy goes by "Tenmagnet", which at first glance I misread as "Termagant". Maybe he should capitalize that m in the middle. I would if I didn't want people to look and think "Shrew?"

My favorite, though was, "Bonsai."

Does a pick-up artists really want to be associated with a miniature, shrunken plant? Or do we think that "Bonsai" was thinking "Banzai!"

Or maybe not. Perhaps he's just channeling his inner femme - let's talk flower arranging - as the means to magnetize a ten.

Like any good marketers, this web site has some FAQs that don't hold back. Even if you're "old, ugly, and fat" the system will work for you because it's based on "Social and Evolutionary Psychology principles."

This sure is an infinite economy, isn't it?

Hubba, hubba!


katrog said...

Where is PT Barnum when you need him:)

Their targets could save a lot of time and money by ponying up $10.12 at Amazon for an upcoming book "Undateable" by Ellen Rakieten and Ann Coyle which describes 311 things men do or wear that guarantee they won't be dating or having sex. The book was mentioned in a fashion column in today's WSJ.


Bonsai said...

I'm glad I was your favorite. Plus, you had the true meaning correct too....