Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Prisoner's Dilemma: which Three Squares Greetings card to send...

My sister Trish saw a small piece in the Boston Globe a short while back, and - since she had no actual use for the product described - thought she'd send the cite on to me.

It seems that in the world of micro, niche markets, someone has started a business specializing in greeting cards for inmates. Los Angeles attorney Terrye L. Cheathem (of the law firm of Dewey, Cheathem and Howe?) was looking for just the right greeting card for her incarcerated brother-in-law and, when she couldn't find the right one on the Hallmark rack, she made her own.

In truth, it's not all that niche of a market. Given that 1% or so of the U.S. population is behind bars, that's a reasonable decent sized niche market, given that most of them have family and friends that probably brings this figure up to, what? 10-20% of the populace with some connection to the prison system?

But is there really a separate market for Three Squares Greetings?

Three Squares header

It's a tiny bit chilling reading their mission, however heartfelt and true it is:

We know there are few words to express thoughts and feelings when a family member, close friend or the child of a close friend is arrested. Our mission at Three Squares Greetings is to make it easier for you to communicate with those loved ones.

It will surprise some to find out that Ms. Cheathem isn't into prison coddling. There's not a whiff of prisoner-as-victim in her greeting card messages, thank you.

Consider the Christmas card:

You had the choice to be “naughty or nice.” And you chose . . . . . .

Oh well, now you have to do your time. But, Christmas won’t be the same without you here. Stay safe. Merry Christmas.

Well, that's pretty straightforward a lump of coal in the stocking of life.

And the Birthday card:

It’s your birthday and I know that you’d rather be almost anywhere else right now. Hopefully, one year older will really mean one year wiser for you. Take care.

Not to mention the New Year's Resolutions greeting:

It’s that time of year again. While doing your time, resolve to make better choices.

Talk about a just-the-facts, ma'am, Joe Friday blandness.

Frankly, I don't see any sentiment that couldn't be scrawled across the bottom of a standard, off-the-shelf greeting card, but in a day and age when there are greeting cards for specific birthdays, political affiliations, occasions that you didn't even know exist, let alone that merit celebrating ("On the first anniversary of our divorce....), I suppose that there could be demand for prisoner-focused greeting cards.

It's just that these are so darned grim....

Not that I imagine that prison is a lot of laughs - and not to make light of what are some pretty heinous offenses that got a lot (not all, but a lot) of those in prison where they are - but if I were in the stir, I think I'd rather get a card that was funny.

How about one with Santa Claus coming down the chimney?

Remember, the only guy who gets to do a legit B&E has a white beard and a red suit. I don't recall your having either. Keep it in mind next time you come to town.

Or, how about:

He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're awake.

No, silly, I'm talking about Santa, not the warden.

What about famous prisoner cards?

I love what you've done to your cell. Maybe you're the next Martha Stewart.

Or, if a card couldn't be funny, I'd rather have one that ignored the ham-handed preachments unless said preachments were actually written by someone who knew me - a personal slap across the back of the head, as it were.

Admittedly, I'm not in prison, never have been, and in all likelihood never will be. Although I've met more than a few ex-cons as a volunteer in a homeless shelter, I'm certainly no expert on the druthers of the prison population - other than to hazard a guess that the vast majority on those on the inside want out, and those on the outside most decidedly don't want back in.

But all in all, the tone of Three Squares cards doesn't sound like anything that would be much appreciated. Other than the one called "Money on the Books." While I am not immediately familiar with the phrase, it's pretty clear that this is candy bar, soda, and cigarette money - a gift that I'm quite sure is always appreciated:

I just wanted to tell you that I put some money on your books. Take care.

Of course, it seems to me that most people would be capable of writing this sentence on their own in a blank greeting card, or on a blank piece of paper. But maybe it seems more "gifty" if it's not homemade. What do I know?

I'm sure that it's terrible being and/or having a loved one in prison. Maybe Three Squares will help the time pass on both sides of the wall. But I think that Ms. Cheathem had better keep her day job. At $3.99 a pop - which most prisons would probably prefer to have as money on their books - I don't think this is going to be a breakout, gangbusters business.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

haha... great article. just when you think there's no more room on the rack for anymore specialty cards, you find "Prisoner's Greeting cards" right next to the business Christmas cards.

Jae said...

Being that I am almost a year out of prison, I know what it is like. To have a card that speaks to the experience is helpful. To have someone know what you are going through is a plus. So people need straight talk, hard love so the card messages I understand. There are people that have been in and out of the prison system most of their lives that didn't learn their lesson the first or second time. So hard core is needed. One or two of the cards did make me say, "Wow...that's messed up!"

No, people that have messed up do not need a constant reminder, but they do need to be reminded that they are not the only one affected and hurt by their choices and their actions.

So I believe that the card line and those like it have the potential to be very successful.