Rent a mom??? O tempora, o mores...

I didn't have kids, and, although I once was one, that was a very, very, very long time ago. And, as I learned in Latin III, which I took a very, very, very long time ago - when I was, in fact, a kid - O tempora! O mores! Which is Cicero for the times and the customs, they are always a-changing. 

We observe them a-changing is many different ways, including the emergence of new businesses that didn't exist when I was young. Influencer, anyone?

One of them new businesses is actually not that new.

In fact, Tammy Kumin founded her rent-a-mom company, Concierge Services for Students, in 1993. Which is snack dab in the middle of the era when, if I had had kids, I would have had kids. Of course, if I had had kids, I like to think that they wouldn't have needed a rent-a-mom: they would have had me. And I like to think that my kids, by the time they were old enough to be away at school, would have been skilled enough to make their own damned haircut appointments and done their own damned grocery shopping. 

But, since she's been in business now for 30 years, Tammy Kumin obviously identified a need and has been successfully fulfilling it for a good long time. 

When Kumin's business got off the ground, it was focused primarily on international students, where having someone in loco parentis for their kiddo - especially if they're away for pre-college, does make sense. (In loco parentis? Between this and a bit of Cicero, that high school Latin is sure coming in handy!) 

And, of course, if you're not handy, it might be worth it to have someone available to jump "on a plane in the wee hours to bail" your kiddo "out of a Miami jail," or hold your kid's hand in the ER. Even at the cost of $10K a year. 

But most of what Kumin and her staff of four rent-a-moms do is a bit more pedestrian than posting bail or helping a kid with an ER visit. 

For their money, parents can depend on their away-from-home offspring receiving regular food deliveries, academic assistance, beauty and spa appointments bookings, aid in making dinner reservations and signing up for gym memberships, apartment hunting, furniture building, party planning, doctor referrals, summer storage, as well as banking and bill payment support — just to name a few. (Source: NY Post)

Food deliveries? Spa appointments? Dinner rezzies? Party planning? 

FFS. I don't care whether these kids are high school or college age, shouldn't they be able to make their own dinner reservations?

“There are all kinds of things that come up for kids who are studying away from home,” said Kumin. “We’re there for them and they know it. They’re totally comfortable to let us know what they need — all five of us — we all know exactly what’s going on with each kid, how they live, their families, everything.”

However, her job isn’t to replace a young adult’s mom. Instead, she says she’s merely an extension of their mother’s love.

My mother loved me. I loved my mother. But, once I left home for college, there was no way in hell that I would have expected her to run my errands for me. In fact, when I was a kid, it was the kids who ran errands for their parents. Which is how we learned how to do things. 

When I was in first grade, I remember being sent down the block to buy light bulbs at the electric repair shop. Two years later, when I was eight and old enough to cross Main Street, I was frequently dispatched to the grocery store to pick up an onion or whatever else my mother found herself in need of. At 10, I was going door-to-door on a snowy February afternoon, collecting money for the Heart Fund - which was something my mother had signed up for. And so on and so forth. 

Given my family circumstances - my father suffered from kidney disease throughout my high school and college years, and died during my senior year in college - I probably had more responsibility than a lot of other kids my age. But everyone I knew growing up learned how to do plenty of things on their own.

Childhood to adolescence includes - or should include - a progression of learning how to take care of tasks that, once you've mastered them, put you well on the way to responsible adulthood. 

I am literally chortling out loud at the thought of being away at college and asking my real mother, let alone a rent-a-mom, to run out to the grocery store for a can of soup because I hated what they'd served for dinner in the cafeteria.

I understand that Kumin's service provides more, and that she does provide comfort and joy - even home-cooked meals at Kumin's house - to kids away from home, especially international students.

But then there's the 18 year old kid from New York whose family paid for her services:

“If I was homesick or needed a haircut or a point of comfort, and my parents were four hours away in New York, Tammy was there in 15 minutes,” said the high school senior. 

"Needed a haircut." Res ipsa loquitur.

I guess the good news is that this kid has aged out of the services and is now able to take care of things like haircuts on his very own own.

I paid a visit to Kumin's website, and here's what they have to say for themselves:

Sending your child off to school in a different country or state is emotional along with stressful. CSS is here to take the burden of your worries off your shoulders by offering a comprehensive concierge service for students. From pre-prep to post graduates our experienced staff will handle all aspects of getting your student settled into their home-away from home. Our team will available to your student 24 hours a day 7 days a week in case of emergencies from medical appointments to trouble on campus. 

I get the "in case of emergencies," especially if parents are far away. But then there's the list of the services her company provides:

PERSONAL SERVICES
Laundry/Dry Cleaning
Grocery Shopping
Food Deliveries
Dinner Reservations
Beauty/Spa Appointments
Gym Memberships
Car Services
Doctor Referrals
Hospital Assistance
Party Planning
Package Services
Travel Arrangements
Summer Storage
Banking, Bill Payment, and Insurance
Legal
Transportation

I'll give them that Doctor Referrals, Hospital Assistance, Summer Storage, and Legal. Even Banking, Bill Payment, and Insurance. These are things that parents might want the rent-a-moms to assist with, especially for high school and "pre-prep" kids, even college and older if the families are overseas, although in the digital age, most of these transactions can be handled remotely. 

But I really draw the line at items like Party Planning and Grocery Shopping. 

These aren't rent-a-mom tasks. I can't think of one mother I know who'd be doing this for their college-aged kids. (Okay, if your child is sick, you might hop on line and order groceries for them. Wait. I take that back. If your kid's too sick to place an online grocery order, they probably should be in the infirmary or at home.)

No, most of these don't require a mom's involvement - rent-a-mom or real mom. They're tasks that someone who's rich and spoiled would have someone else take care of for them.

There are no Latin words that come to me now. Just oy!