Who you gonna call? GOOSE BUSTERS!

I make no bones about the fact that I despise Canada geese. Or at least the ones who congregate along The Esplanade, the park along the Charles River where I walk most days.

I could live with their denuding the grassy lawns, but the fact that each and every one of them produces a couple of pounds of poop each and every day, without regard for where they lay that crap down. Which is largely along the walkways. You walk along The Esplanade, your feet better have eyes. 

Canada Geese are just plain disgusting.

A few years ago, the powers that see to The Esplanade tried to control the population by oiling the goose eggs, which prevented them from turning into goslings. This tactic is apparently no longer deployed. I've seen at least two Mother Gooses with 18 goslings per, growing by the day and turning into prodigious shitters.

Ugh, ugh, a thousand times ugh!

But there just may be a solution, and that's deploying the Geese Police, which was featured (along with their pupper Cami) in a recent Globe article. 

Since 2014, Geese Police — Boston, a franchise of a New Jersey-based business, has used trained border collies like Cami in a “proprietary system of harassment” to scare away geese creating a nuisance in public spaces, according to [franchise owner Elliot] Oren.

By eating grass, leaving droppings everywhere, or being aggressive and attacking people in inconvenient places, geese can make upkeep of places such as sports fields or parks difficult.

“Usually who calls us is somebody that’s just had enough of geese taking over their property and making a huge mess,” Oren said. “We do parks, schools, colleges, cemeteries, we do a lot of office parks and golf courses. Pretty much anywhere that needs us, we’ll go.”

...Although property damage is a big concern when it comes to geese taking over public places, Joshua Dooley, a Canada geese expert at the US Fish and Wildlife Service, said that the animal’s droppings are also a health risk because of avian influenza, or the bird flu, which can be transmitted to other mammals such as dogs. (Source: Boston Globe)

Boston's Geese Police is one of 14 franchises, that offer a humane and PETA-approved approach, which is basically harassment. 

Fine by me. 

Geese Police uses specially trained Border Collies, who have an instinctive “stalking” posture that terrifies geese as it mimics the approach used by predators. Geese Police steps up its frequency of harassment in response to this behavior, and will employ additional tactics designed to humanely prevent both nesting and hatching of new goslings. Geese Police uses harassment techniques that are approved by the USDA Wildlife Services and the US Fish and Wildlife Service...

Geese Police uses repeated visits at unpredictable intervals to simulate the presence of predators at the site. Initially, this may involve more than one dog and handler. Within a short time the resident goose population will have declined by at least 90%, as they identify the area as unsafe due to the presence of predators. 

Well, we missed the spring egg-hatchling season, but the company also focuses their work in the fall, during the migratory season. I guess harassing them in the fall provides the geese a reminder that this territory is less than inviting, and isn't worth a repeat visit.

Where do the displaced geese go? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. Other than I wouldn't be thrilled if all they did was cross the river and set up on the Cambridge side of the Charles, where I often walk when I get sick of skirting the goose poop landmines. 

Surely, they can find a place with plentiful water and something to nibble on where there aren't that many people to gross out.

I just joined the Esplanade Association, and - along with my donation - sent them a note suggesting they look into Geese Police. 'Cause who you gonna call? Goose Busters!

Hope the Geese Police do esplanades...