The marvels of flying

I'm not 100% certain, but I believe that the last time I flew was in October 2019. To and from Dallas to visit friends. Or maybe it was May 2019. I'm too lazy to check my calendar, but it's been a while.

I enjoy flying, but I don't exactly miss it.

Like most folks, what I miss is going someplace. So with that, I guess I'm looking forward to getting on a flight in the not so distant future. What I'm not looking forward to is the cramped seating, trying to carve out some space for your elbows if you're stuck in the middle seat, everyone competing for the overhead bins, the delays, the kid in the seat in back of you whose parents are indifferent to their kicking, the jerk who insists on max reclining so their head is practically in your lap, the awful food, the lack of awful food, the guy who insists on standing to chat with a colleague - right next to your seat with his butt planted in your face, the squalling babies (even though I know the poor little things can't help it), etc.

All this said, I haven't had a ton of truly terrible flying experiences. Oh, there was the 12 hour+ delay at O'Hare that landed me home at 4 a.m. The flight from Honolulu to LA, seated across the aisle from a guy who apparently hadn't showered in a couple of years. The blessedly short flight from Cleveland to Boston which featured a howler monkey, locked with its owner in one of the two in-flight toilets, howling away. (The monkey, not the owner and not the toilet.)

What I haven't experienced is a truly unruly passenger incident. 

No one with a crapping emotional support pony. No one (human edition) crapping on the food cart. No one trying to open the emergency door mid-flight. 

My husband once witnessed a couple of stewards getting in a shoving match with each other. But the closest I came to any action was sitting near a Federal Marshal with a handcuffed prisoner in tow.

But there are plenty of flights that have disruptive passengers on board, and the numbers are increasing now that there are so many pitched battles over mask wearing. And, I suspect, because there are more jerks out there. Or the same number of jerks, only now, thanks to The Former Guy, they feel liberated to revel in their dear and glorious jerkdom.

And the Feds are cracking down on them:

The Federal Aviation Administration said Monday that it will seek fines totaling more than $100,000 against four passengers on recent flights, including a penalty of $52,500 against a man who was arrested after trying to open the cockpit door and striking a flight attendant in the face. (Source: Boston Globe)

It's sure likely that alcohol was involved. That and/or mental illness. (For the record, the drunken fellow who crapped on the food cart on that flight - and who paid a hefty fine to reimburse the passengers who'd witnessed his disgusting deed - died of Alzheimer's a few years later, so there may have been some early dementia at play.) 

Airlines have reported a spate of troubling incidents in recent months, many of them involving passengers who appear intoxicated or refuse to wear face masks — that's still a federal requirement even after health officials relaxed guidelines around mask wearing last week.

The FAA says it has received more than 1,300 complaints from airlines about disruptive passengers this year. The agency says it is taking a zero-tolerance stance against unruly passengers — instead of counseling them, it is going straight to enforcement actions including civil penalties.

One of the recent penalties was a hefty $27K fine levied on a guy yelling that he had a bomb and was gong to blow up the plane. Smaller fines are being meted out to passengers refusing to wear masks. Hopefully, the battles over masks will wind down soon. But if airlines start requiring vax passports, the skirmishes will just move to a new front: the check in desk and/or TSA.

Meanwhile, there's no way to screen passengers with mental health issues. But maybe airlines should consider giving breathalyzer tests before they let passengers board. And then shut them down after a drink or two. Maybe they should stop serving alcohol on flights entirely. I like a glass of bad wine to wash down a yucky in-flight meal as much as the next traveler, but I could live without it. If they banned booze, maybe they can offer anxious passengers some Xanax. Or an edible. Just a thought. It might cut way down on all those incidents that end up costing unruly passengers big time. And make flying a worse experience than it needs to be for those unlucky enough to end up on a flight with them.

Ah, the marvels of flying. Looking forward to traveling again, but maybe that first trip is going to be by train.