Monday, June 17, 2019

How the Millennials are making the world a better place. (Think bigger, move faster!)

I’m super-hoping that the millennials will save us from ourselves. That they will rise up and do something about climate change. That they will rid us of our turbulent government. That they will be willing to tackle Social Security and Medicare problems without going Soylent Green on us Baby Boomers.That they’ll be less racist and homophobic than their elders.

Save us, oh Millennials, and I’ll never breathe a word about entitlement, snowflakery, slacktivism or trophies for showing up. Promise.

It may take a while for the Millennials to start saving us on the macro front, but, according to Moneywise, this cohort is making some modest inroads on improving the world by killing some brands that, for the most part, deserve death.

Diet Pepsi’s “sales have fallen drastically in recent years.” My only disappointment here is that they didn’t take Pepsi Pepsi with them. Although most of my fizzy consumption is flavored sparkling water – Polar Raspberry Lime and LaCroix Orange flavor – once in a while I do want a Diet Coke. And that once in a while almost always occurs in a restaurant that’s Pepsi-only.

Moneywise is also blaming the Millennials for the decline of Crocs, even if the real drivers appear to be that they don’t wear out, and thus don’t need to be replaced all that often; they may, in fact, be “bad for your feet”; and there are a ton of cheaper knockoffs. I won’t be sad to see Crocs go. Just so they don’t come for my super-comfy Asics.

I don’t know if I’ve ever actually eaten Wheaties. As I kid, I of course wanted to eat my Wheaties. In the same way that I wanted a pogo stick, It seemed like the sort of thing American kids should do. Alas, my mother never bought Wheaties. Surprisingly, she mostly went with sugared cereals: Sugar Pops, Sugar Crisp, Sugar Jets. Rice Krispies were the only low-sugar cereal I remember at our house, mostly there so that my mother could make Rice Krispie Date and Coconut Balls. (Hmm. Haven’t had those in decades. They’d make a nice retro treat…)

Tiffany’s is apparently in freefall, and I can’t say that I’ll miss the little blue box. Other than a corporate award – a hideous engraved glass something-or-other that I left on my desk when I departed - the only Tiffany items I’ve ever had were a bookmark (a sterling women’s symbol, a gift from a friend for my 21st birthday) and a pair of glasses. So I’m not keeping them in business. But “American millennials have simply lost interest in the company’s signature rings, bracelets and accessories.”

Millennials aren’t the only ones giving Campbell’s Soup a pass. Although my mother made a lot of homemade soups, we often had canned soup for lunch, and I grew up on Campbell’s: Vegetable Beef, Chicken Rice, Vegetarian Vegetable, Scotch Broth, Tomato. I’m still a soup fan, but I find Campbell’s way to salty, so it’s Progresso for me.

Interest n Jell-O is waning, likely because everyone who made jell-o molds (i.e., my mother) has passed away. But:

Jell-O's owner, Kraft Heinz, is trying hard to win over younger consumers. It recently introduced Jell-O Play edible slime, described as a toy you can eat.

A toy you can eat?  I don’t know how good an idea that is…

While on the eating front, Millennials are turning their noses up at Chef Boyardee. I never had Chef Boyardee as a kid. When my mother – who, for a German girl from Chicago, made kick-ass spaghettis sauce – wanted us to have lousy pasta from a can, that lousy pasta from a can was Franco-American. But I have in my adult life – although not in years – an occasional of the Chef’s ravioli and, while it tasted nothing like real ravioli, I had a certain affection for it. Too bad for Conagra that the Millennials don’t.

SlimFast is losing weight:

The company was recently sold in a deal valued at $350 million — a far cry from the $2.4 billion that consumer products giant Unilever paid for the brand in 2000.

Wonder who okayed that purchase?

Budweiser is falling out of favor, thanks in part to the Millennials preference for craft beer and “hard seltzers, unique flavor blends and low-carb, low-sugar alcoholic drinks.” The King of Beers has been dethroned. No great loss.

I hadn’t realized that Kodak was now “dabbling in cryptocurrency.” The horror! Anyway, I don’t think you can blame the Millennials for Kodak’s waning fortune. Today, we’re all smartphone photographers. Who needs Kodak?

The young folks apparently don’t like Harley Davidson motorcycles much. They’re more into Uber-ing and public transpo – at least so far (i.e., pre having children and moving to the suburbs). In any case, they’re not revving along on hogs with the Boomers.

Elsewhere on the vehicle front, Chevy is “pulling the plug” on its electric car, the Volt. You’d think the Millennials would be all over an e-car, but maybe they really aren’t into vehicle ownership. Or like everyone else, maybe they just want SUV’s and pickup trucks. (Millennials apparently don’t like Fiats either.)

The Gap is fallen into the gap, as has its opposite (and underneath) number, Victoria’s Secret. Don’t even mention Sears. Or their appliance brand, Kenmore. I remember when Kenmore was the best thing that Sears had to offer. No more!

What else does Moneywise tell us the Millennials are doing in?

Twitter of all things, getting pushed out by Snapchat and Insta, and its own growing reputation as a source of evil. While I don’t tweet myself, I look at my Twitter feed all the time as my first line for news. But maybe it’s just on the way to becoming an other old fogey platform, like Facebook. I’ll miss it if it’s gone and I have to go back to looking directly at new sites for a head’s up on what’s happening, rather than getting an alert from Chris Hayes or Chris Meloni. Thanks, Millennials.

The final item that Moneywise tells us that the Millennials have done in is the iPod. The iPod is the only Apple product I’ve ever purchased, and I loved it when I was taking my several times a year drive to Syracuse. I wonder where it is, all loaded up with Bruce Springsteen and Mary Black. As happened to Kodak, I’d lay the demise of the iPod to the advent of the all-purpose smartphone, rather than at the door of the Millennials. But what do I know? I’m the only person I know who doesn’t use Spotify or Pandora. I’m happy with my old-school CD’s.

Anyway, as consumers, the Millennials are doing some good. Now it’s time to get going on the bigger picture issues! Save us, oh Millennials.

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