Friday, December 07, 2018

You better shop around: N-M Fantasy Gifts (Part 2)

Yesterday, I window-shopped the first part of the Fantasy Gift chapter in this year’s Neiman-Marcus Christmas Book for 2018.

Disappointingly, there wasn’t a darned thing in there I was willing to spend $250K (and way far over) on.

What’s a shopper to do but forge on through the list to a) see if there was anything there that I’d actually spend any fantasizing time on; and b) see if there was anything there that I’d be willing to spend actual money on, if I happened to be in possession of fantasy-league money.

Fortunately, it doesn’t cost anything to window shop. And, oh yeah, fantasies are free, so I don’t have to rely on N-M’s to lead a rich and rewarding fantasy life.

So on to Part Two:

I’ve got a sweet tooth. Make that a full set of sweet teeth.

And yet, even if I did have $325K to spend on candy, I don’t think I would drop it all on Superfina Candy. Sure, Champagne gummy bears sound tasty. And Peach Bellini gumdrops do, too. But a million pieces of fancy, adult candy? Let’s do the math. Even if I were going to share half of it, that leaves me with 500,000 pieces of candy. Now let’s assume that I’m going to last another 20 years. (Actuarially speaking – and I just plugged my numbers in – I should last 21 years. But the math is easy at 20, so…) That’s 25,000 pieces a year, or roughly 70 pieces a day. Hmmmm. Even I couldn’t consume that much candy. At least without compromising the likelihood that I’ll make it another 20 years.

But I guess the offer is worth a second look.

It includes a trip for four to the Italian Riviera, and a tour of the Sugarfina factory in Genoa. And a candy bar built in your home so you’ll have some place to stock all that Sugarfina candy. Don’t know if would hold a million pieces. Don’t know if it’s worth figuring it out.

Are you a Fantastic Beasts fan? Me neither. I’d heard of it, but had to look up what it was. (A fantasy movie franchise. Fantasy. What could be more fitting.) Anyway, if you were an FB fan, and you were willing to pay $300K to costumer designer Colleen Atwood, you could spend a day with her.

…joining forces to create a one-of-a-kind outfit inspired by the designer’s latest project, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald…The most fantastic day will include lunch and a collaborative design session with Atwood, a fitting to take comprehensive measurements,
and a photo op to commemorate the experience.

Plus a Fantastic Beasts wands and other swag bag goodies.

But back to that one-of-a-kind outfit. Other than lovely pieces knit by my sister Kath, I don’t have much by way of one-of-a-kind pieces of clothing. LL Bean doesn’t do one-of-a-kind. Neither does my upscale go-to, Eileen Fisher. But, like most folks, I’m perfectly capable of combining multiple articles of clothing along with pieces of my ample supply of costumer jewelry to create – get this – one-of-a-kind outfits. And some of these one-of-a-kind outfits are – get this – pretty darned fantastic, if I do say so myself.

Yesterday’s post included duded up backyard sheds – Virtue or Vice, pick your $250K poison. But if you’re really looking for a getaway, there’s the Serenity Yacht. $7.1M worth of solar-powered chic.

As bells and whistles go, it boasts a fully functional kitchen, a state-of-the-art music and entertainment system, satellite TV, Wi-Fi, and ample closet space—important to note, because this gift includes a Neiman Marcus shopping spree.

I’m pretty much a landlubber, so I’m happy with the fully functional kitchen I have in my condo. State-of-my-art music chez moi is a boom box (when the Internet gets fully hacked, I’ll have my CD’s to fall back on). Entertainment systems? I’ve got a perfectly fine Sony. I subscribe to Netflix AND Prime. And I’ve got a major backlog of books. Wi-Fi? Comcast by any other name.

My closet space is ample enough – plenty ample enough to fit a custom Fantastic Beasts costume, if I change my mind there. And I really don’t want or need a Neiman-Marcus shopping spree.

There are fantastic beasts, and then there are fantastic beasts. Bjørn Okholm Skaarup is a Danish artists “best known for fanciful animal sculptures,” including the Hippo Ballerina (a 15 footer) on display at Lincoln Center. You can memorialize your furry loved one with a custom-piece created in Skaarup’s Florence foundry. Prices start at $200K and I’m guessing that would cover one of the possibilities mentioned, i.e., the life-sized cat. The more elaborate, the larger, the more fantastic the sculpted beast, the higher (and more fantastic) the price tag.

At last, there’s a gift on the list that sounds a tiny bit intriguing. For $315K, you get to play James Bond.

As the operatives, four adrenaline junkies will fly to Las Vegas via private jet for a three-day, two-night espionage adventure organized by The Invictus Experience. Upon landing, they’ll be greeted by a mysterious man in a tux, who will hand over an envelope containing their assigned mission profile—and
the fun will begin…

So far so good. But then there’s the fact that the fun begins:

…with a team of elite and decorated Special Operations Forces veterans. Free-fall parachutists, combatant divers, force reconnaissance marines, et al will accompany the group to fulfill all of their secret agent fantasies: jumping out of planes, racing supercars, and whatever else is required to complete the mission at hand.

Uh-oh. I always thought it be sort of fun to be a police detective, and this little adventure seemed like a variation on the theme. Spy vs. police detective. Sort of one and the same, only for one you were a tux and for the other you carry a badge. But Special Ops guys? Jumping out of planes? Racing supercars?

Ah. No.

Anyway, if you want to look through the Neiman-Marcus Christmas Book, you can find it here. Unlike the items on the Fantasy Gifts list, the price is right: FREE. Enjoy! 

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