Even in landlocked, Tennessee, looks like you have to look out for icebergs

Much as I worship at the altar of Dolly Parton, it's highly unlikely that I'll ever get to Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, home of Dollywood, her Appalachian-themed amusement park. Thus, I will miss out on all of the delights that Pigeon Forge has to offer. (In case you're wondering, no, they don't forge pigeons there. The town was named for an iron forge located there along the banks of the Pigeon River.)

One of the delights I'll be missing out on is the Titanic Museum Attraction. This RMS Titanic is a half-sized replica of the actual ship, and once you're aboard, you get to "experience" first-hand - or is it second-hand - just what it was like being on the real thing.  Well, maybe not just like being on the real

thing, as you know that you're going to survive. But the experience comes with a number of goodies:

• Receive a Boarding Pass of an actual Titanic passenger/crew member
• View $4.5 million + of Titanic artifacts
• Walk the $1 Million exact replica of Titanic’s Grand Staircase
• Touch an iceberg and feel 28-degree water
• Shovel “coal” in Titanic’s Boiler Room
• Learn how to send an SOS distress signal
• Experience the Sloping Decks of the ship’s stern as she descended
• Sit in an actual size lifeboat and hear true passenger stories
• Visit Tot-Titanic – an interactive area for young guests 8 and under
• Discover your passenger’s fate in the Titanic Memorial Room

Museums didn't used to be quite so experiential. When I was a kid, the big deal was to go to Old Sturbridge Village, where authentic early 19th century buildings were hauled in to create a faux yet real (real yet faux?) town. There, the village smithy would hand every kid who listened to his spiel a nail that he'd just made, and you got to sit in a one-room classroom hoping that you weren't the kid they made wear the dunce cap. 

But nothing like shoveling coal, or "coal" even, let alone discovering my passenger's fate. I'm sure they're quite judicious about who gets handed the metaphorical Ace of Spades. Most people, especially those touring with kiddos, probably don't want to learn that a family member has gone down with the ship. Unless that family member is a teenaged boy, who'd more than likely be delighted to learn that he hadn't made it into a lifeboat. 

In real life, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't have survived the sinking of the Titanic.

No, I would have been an Irish immigrant in steerage, with pretty good odds on meeting a watery death, probably without ever even having the chance to hear the ship's orchestra playing "Nearer My God, to Thee."

Anyway, the Pigeon Forge Titanic has other wonders to offer.

There's a tribute to Jewish passengers and crew. 

"Did you know there was a kosher kitchen and kosher chef on Titanic?" No, I did not, as I don't think this was covered in any of the Titanic movies I've seen: Titanic (1953); A Night to Remember (1958); The Unsinkable Molly Brown (1964); and Titanic (1997). No time, I guess, what with having to deal with the subplot of John Jacob Astor and his bride being on board. 

And then there's this bit of hokum:

Personally, I'd just as soon discover that my passenger fate was death rather than listen to any cutesy aye-aye story telling with First Class Maid Jodi.

Pigeon Forge is not, by the way, the country's only Titanic Museum Attraction. You will not be surprised to learn that there's a companion piece in Branson, Missouri.

There's also a Titanic Museum in Cobh, Ireland, which promises a Titanic experience.

I have actually been to this museum. But that was years ago, and all I remember was that there were a bunch of exhibits in what was the former White Star Line offices. It was interesting enough. After all, Cobh (then Queenstown) was the last port of call for the Titanic before heading out on its ill-fated cross-Atlantic voyage. Cobh was where they picked up the Irish immigrants. I don't know where my great-grandparents emigrated from. The majority of Irish immigrants shipped out of Cobh, but others left from Belfast, Galway, and Liverpool. 

Today, the Irish Titanic experience has a lot in common with the Pigeon Forge one. 

• Upon check-in you will receive your boarding card. Your boarding card will have the details of one of the 123 passengers who came to the White Star Line Ticket Office on Thursday April 11th 1912...
• During your visit, you will experience life aboard Titanic and learn a little about the conditions on board for third and first class passengers...
• When disaster strikes, you will experience the chill of the sinking, through a unique cinematographic experience...
• Did you survive? The final element of the experience is located in the story room, where you will learn the fate of you as a passenger and all the other Queenstown passengers.

Did I survive? As I noted early, probably not.

Fortunately, the three guests who were injured at Pigeon Forge Titanic did survive the recent collapse of the Attraction's iceberg wall, which was probably a lot more realistic and nearer-my-God-to-thee-ish than the experience of slip-sliding away on the Sloping Deck or the chill of (non-)sinking.

Those harmed were taken to the hospital with unspecified injuries, Mary Kellogg Joslyn and John Joslyn wrote on the attraction’s Facebook page.

“Needless to say, we never would have expected an incident like this to occur as the safety of our guests and crew members are always top of mind,” the owners said.

The ship-shaped museum closed after the collapse but reopened for those with tickets on Tuesday, according to a post. The owners said the affected area has been blocked off, and they estimate it will take at least four weeks for the iceberg wall to be rebuilt. (Source: Huffington Post)

The Pigeon Forge PD reports "that the collapse appears to be accidental."

But those Titanic passengers sure have a story to tell. "We were on vacation in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee, when an iceberg fell on us..."