What was that about Jonah and the whale?

Like most Catholic school-educated folks of my age, I know precious little about the Old Testament.

Oh, we had Bible Studies once in a while, but that was just a highlights reel: Adam and Eve, Abraham and Isaac (a good way to scare the living daylights out of kids), Noah's Ark, Daniel in the Lion's Den.

Most of our  religious focus was on memorizing the questions and answers from the Baltimore II Catechism, reading about the lives of the saints, and boning up on Catholic trivia. 

Old Testament? Yawn! Strictly for the Protestants and the Jews. All we cared about was the New Testament because Jesus was the founder of the One, Holy, Catholic, and Apostolic Church. Ours! And that was all that mattered.

We also learned prayers and hymns. Catholic hymns. Hail Holy Queen, which a lot of people know from Whoopie Goldberg in Sister Act, but which we knew for real. Ours!

But there must have been enough Protestants around that we also picked up their songs. So we could all warble Do Lord, oh Do Lord, oh Do Remember Me. And This Little Light of Mine. 

The sorts of songs that the wholesome, Protestant kids we saw on TV - Jeff and, later, Timmy on Lassie; Wally and the Beav; Bud, Princess and Kitten on Father Knows Best - probably sang in Sunday School. Which we, of course, didn't have to worry about, because we were getting our ration of religion five days a week. 

And, of course, there was:

Who did? Whale did!

Who did? Whale did!

Who did? Whale did!

Whale did swallow Jo-jo-jonah. 

Whether you believe that Jonah survived for three days and three nights in the belly of the beast depends on how credulous you are. My leanings are, of course, more towards the incredulous end of things. So Jonah and the whale? Just maybe it's a metaphor.

Or maybe it just wasn't three days and three nights, but something more like 30 seconds. And it was in the mouth of the beast, not its belly. As happened to Michael Packard, a Provincetown fellow who was diving for lobsters off of Race Point when he had a close encounter with a humpback whale.

It is not clear exactly what happened but the victim was brought in by boat to MacMillan Wharf and taken by ambulance to Cape Cod Hospital with leg injuries.

Local resident Michael Packard later revealed he was the diver in a social media post writing: “Hi everyone, I just want to clarify what happened to me today. I was lobster diving and a humpback whale tried to eat me. I was in his closed mouth for about 30 to 40 seconds before he rose to the surface and spit me out. I am very bruised up but have no broken bones. I want to thank the Provincetown Rescue Squad for their caring and help." (Source: CapeCod.com)

Well, Michael Packard sure has a whale of a tale to tell.

Humpback whales don't tend to attack humans, let alone attempt to swallow them whole. They feed on plankton and small fish. And Cape Cod whales are toothless, so this humpback wasn't looking to munch on Mr. Packard.

“This whale was probably feeding and made a major mistake. And to project to that, probably wishes it hadn’t,” said Senior Scientist and whale expert with the Center for Coastal Studies Charles “Stormy” Mayo.

He said that this is an extremely rare event.

“This was just a chance occurrence, and an extraordinarily rare one,” said Mayo.

“Luckily it turned out well. But I think that this whale just made a mistake, as some wildlife does, and came up with a mouthful of human being. But both of them parted company fairly happily.”(Source: CapeCod.com)

Who's with me that there being a whale expert/scientist out there named Stormy Mayo is an excellent add to this oddball of a story? Stormy Mayo sounds like someone added food coloring to mayonnaise to turn it blue/grey for some ghastly recipe. 

Anyway, Michael Packard fortunately survived. 

Who did? Whale did!

Who did? Whale did!

Who did? Whale did!

Whale did swallow Mi-mi-michael. 

And now I have to wonder whether that Bible story was actually true.

(Nah.)