Monday, March 29, 2021

The Peepsi Generation, or a taste marriage made in hell

Easter's approaching and, of course, pretty much that means that everyone's fancy is turning to Peeps, doesn't it? At least mine does.

Thanks to my sister Trish, who always provides my annual fix, I've had a seasonal Peep already. And if I'm passing a CVS in the next few days, I might just pop in and pick up a pack for another go-round. After all, biting the head off of a fresh Peep is as much a harbinger of spring as spotting the first robin going after a worm, or the first crocus peeping its head up.

Anyway, I'm a long time fan of Peeps and have much enjoyed Peep-related thangs like the Peep Shows/Peeps Diorama Contests that have sprung up over the years. (I've written about them a few times: We the Peeple, Happy PeepsterPeep O the Morning to You.) Sadly, the Washington Post no longer does its contest. More serious matters to focus on, I guess. But there are still a few going on out there, providing opportunities for makers to showcase their creative skills by creating or replicating works of art using Peeps. 

But the Peep Shows aren't the only Peep stuff I've posted about. And when Peeps does something wrong, I have no problem calling them out. As I did two years ago when I blasted them in Pancake & Syrup Peeps? That’s just plain WRONG! Because when necessary, Pink Slip can and does take the moral high ground. Which I'm again taking today to declare that Peeps-flavored Pepsi is an ABOMINATION.
In the most unlikely collaboration since Ed Sheeran and Andrea Bocelli, Peeps has partnered with Pepsi to create Marshmallow Cola, which comes in a three-pack of cute little 7.5-oz. cans. (Source: People, via my sister
Trish)
Personally, I don't see Ed Sheeran and Andrea Bocelli as being all that unlikely a collaboration. They both sing, don't they?

But Peeps and Pepsi?

Ugh, ugh, a thousand times ugh.

Not that I'm much of a Pepsi fan to begin with. On the occasions when I do drink a cola, I prefer Coke and will find myself disappointed when I'm in a restaurant where there's a Pepsi monopoly and that's all that's on tap. 

But combining Peeps and Pepsi is just plain wrong. 

Personally, I don't think that anything other than marshmallows should be marshmallow flavored. No cake mix, no alcohol, no water. And nothing should be marshmallow-scented, either. Marshmallow candles? Marshmallow moisturizer? There are certain things that should not be done. Marshmallowing is one of them.

Plain marshmallows are wonderful when they're toasted (preferably blackened) or when floating in a cup of cocoa. And what would a Fluffernutter be without Marshmallow Fluff in it? Let's just leave it at that.

Of course, Peeps are marshmallows of a different color entirely, but unless they're adulterated - as in pancake and syrup flavored - they'll always be welcome in my house. Especially the original little yellow guys. 

But Peeps-flavored Pepsi? Yuck. 

I was wondering what it would taste like, and the people at People had the answer:
The cans come in blue, pink, and yellow, although there is no difference in flavor. We got a first taste of the drink and can confirm that it does, in fact, taste like marshmallows—with a flavor that's vaguely reminiscent of Lucky Charms.
"Reminiscent of Lucky Charms"? Hardly a ringing endorsement. Lucky Charms are about as nightmare a cereal as you can get. (Okay, Fruit Loops are plenty nasty, too.) Nothing should be reminiscent of them. 

Of course, it is all meant as good - albeit nauseating - fun.
"After what has been a very difficult year, many consumers are looking for new things to smile about," said Todd Kaplan, Pepsi's VP of Marketing. "So, to celebrate the start of springtime, Pepsi collaborated with PEEPS to develop a limited batch of its first-ever marshmallow cola."
Make that smile about and/or gag over. At least they only brewed up a "limited batch." Which, blessedly, will not be available wherever Peeps and Pepsi are sold. Instead, those desiring a taste "can enter the sweepstakes to win some by hashtagging "#HangingWithMyPEEPS" on their social media photos." There will be ten "grand prize winners" who'll get a package containing some combo of Pepsi and Peeps stuff, including the drink. 

I will not be entering.

Instead, I will be ruing the passing of the WaPo Peeps Diorama Contest, and drowning my sorrows by biting off a Peep head, swallowing hard, and washing it down with water.

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