Not this Boomer!

The headline was ominous: Boomers have outgrown real Christmas trees

Not okay, Boomer. Not this Boomer, anyway.

But I'm apparently, metaphoricallly speaking, a lonely balsam in an increasingly shrinking and thinly-wooded forest. 

According to the federal Census of Agriculture, which used the earliest year for which data are available, Christmas tree production fell nearly 30 percent from 2002 to 2017. National surveys point to the reason: Each year, fewer Americans are putting up trees during the holidays. And those who do are increasingly choosing artificial ones.

Aging baby boomers are driving much of this shift, as they opt for the convenience of plastic trees that can be reused year after year. (Source: WaPo)

Oh, swell. We're responsible for global warming, income inequality, housing prices, tuition costs, and - lest we forget - Trump. And now it's on us that the market for real Christmas trees is being killed.

But the facts don't lie: in 2014, 44% of those between 30 and 49 put up a real tree. Only 16% of the plus 65 crowd did. Having turned 65 in December 2014, I was part of this rarified group. 

Only 76% of households had any tree up in 2018, down from 90% in 1989. And in 1989, more than half the trees on display were real. Last year, of the 76% with a tree up, fake trees accounted for 55%, real trees for a paltry, Charlie Brown Christmas tree 21%.

Are we going to have to change the words of the carol from "Oh, Christmas Tree" to "No Christmas Tree"?

I know, I know. Fake trees are convenient. My cousin Ellen, who has an enviable amount of storage space off of her family room, keeps her fake tree fully decorated, and rolls it out every Christmas. Not that I blame her. Ellen and her husband are snowbirds who come back to Chicagoland for Christmas with family, then immediately flee back to Florida. 

Putting any tree up is a pain in the butt, especially a real one. 

You have to go out and buy it. Put it up. Decorate it. Undecorate it. Take it down. Dispose of it. Live with pine needles all over the place for 12 months. In my case, I have an additional step. I have a mild allergy to balsam. It used to be that I was stuffed up the entire time my Christmas tree was up. That was until I discovered that you could hose down or shower your tree and rinse away all those nasty allergens. Well worth it!

Despite the gloom and doom trends, Tim O'Connor - the Executive Director of the National Christmas Tree Association - is optimistic about the future for Christmas trees au naturel. 

"The trends are very favorable to real trees today," O'Connor said. "Many families want to have authentic experiences, do good things for the environment and know the story behind the products they buy. Real trees match up completely with that; a fake tree made from PVC plastic in a Chinese factory does not."

I'm with Tim O'Connor!

Tomorrow morning I plan on venturing out on an authentic experience and buy my Christmas tree at the annual Hill House Christmas Tree sale. With luck, there'll be someone who can carry it home for me and tuck it into the shower stall so I can water it down. 

I will venture into my crawl space and, commando wise, crawl through the tunnel to retrieve my boxes of ornaments and the tree stand. 

Next week, at some point, it will be all decorated and just bee-yoo-tee-full. 

Fake tree? Never say never. But NEVER!