I’m always on the lookout for nonsense applications that ain’t nobody wants and ain’t nobody needs. Many of these apps are “smart”, part of the vast and growing Internet of things. Embedded sensors capture data and all of a sudden you can track just about anything.
Sure, plenty of the apps are fun and/or useful: think Fitbit. Others are good for your health: think monitors that keep an eye on a cardiac patient’s heart.
And then there are the pure, unadulterated “Technology in Search of an Application” applications. Into this bucket, into its Hall of Fame, in fact, I would put the smart diaper.
A smart diaper comes equipped with a sensor that can alert a parent if their baby is wet. (One brand can distinguish between wet and loaded.)
Whatever happened to a baby crying? A parent using the old touch or smell method?
There are people who are going to buy a $200 diaper monitoring “system”?
And then I came across a smart water bottle. Make that an electronic smart bottle.
LifeFuels, based in Reston, Va., uses cartridges to shoot peach, citrus or blackberry-acai flavoring, as well as vitamins and minerals, into its smart water bottle. The bottle syncs to an iPhone app to enable you to record your intake of fluids and nutrients such as potassium and sodium.
“People like data,” [entrepreneur Jonathon] Perrelli said. “They want customization, portability and the ability to understand why they feel the way they do. And they want to track it all.” (Source: Washington Post)
Well, I like data as much as the next gal. But how much data do I want/need on how much water I’m drinking? Drink when I’m thirsty and occasionally when I’m not seems to work out pretty well.
Then, speaking of want and need, there’s customization. Although I did adore the tee-shirt I had with the teddy bears on it and M-A-U-R-E-E-N spelled out in candy-striped letters. But I was four. When I’m offered customization, as often as not, I find it a bother. Value of customization vs. effort expended? Seldom worth it.
Portability? Well, it’s better than having a cement block manacled to something, but – beyond my ID and my phone – there’s not all that much that I need to have with me at every given moment. Okay, okay, there are a lot of goodies packed into that phone. But I really don’t need to be able to whip through a DuoLingo German exercise while I’m on the road. Not really. So, portability? Meh.
I will say that I do like to understand why I feel the way I do. But this has been the study of a lifetime, and I really don’t need an app for that.
As for wanting to track it all? What the hell for?
I do track my miles per day, but that’s about it. (And that’s ridiculous enough.)
But I’m not all that obsessed about every little bitty thing about me, myself, and I. Beyond what I obsess about in my little old mind.
Of course, because that little old mind is, in fact, old, I am not the target demographic for LifeFuels.
They’re looking at urban hipsters who are (even) more self-absorbed than I am.
LifeFuels’ markets care about hydration.
Well, who doesn’t? As I mentioned, when I get thirsty, I drink. Either plain water (Boston tap, refrigerated) or fizzy water.
Perrelli notes the “dehydration is a major cause of emergency room visits in the United States.” But I note, errrr, guess, that those who visit the ER because of dehydration are not the same sort of folks who’ll buy a $179 smart water bottle. Just notin’, errrr, guessin’.
LifeFuels also promotes sustainability: use the jazzed up smart bottle rather than the one-use drink and toss plastic bottle. But it’s entirely possible to cut down on drink-and-tossers by investing a couple of bucks in a non-smart bottle. Or – better yet – cadge one from the corporate swag cupboard.
And while I do drink lightly flavored fizzy water, why does anyone need a water bottle that comes with a cartridge that squirts blackberry-acai into perfectly good plain water.
Anyway, Perrelli has sunk $1 million of his own dough into LifeFuels, and has gotten another $25 mil from investors. Plus the company is partnering with Keurig. So maybe LifeFuels knows something I don’t.
The product went on sale online earlier this week. You buy the smart bottle then sign up for a subscription to the inject-a-flavor pods.
In return:
“We supply you with actionable insights,” the 47-year-old entrepreneur said.
Not that I couldn’t use some actionable insights, but actionable insights about my hydration wouldn’t be high on my list.
Lucky for LifeFuels I’m not the audience they’re after.
Maybe it’s just me, but so many of these smart apps strike me as just plain dumb-ass.
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