Attention Fashionistas!

Joke?

There have been plenty of times when I would have been more than happy to have a portable chair with me: long walk, no-seat T, musical chairs (I win!). Still, I’m not sure I’m up for the wearable chair. So much so that, when I first saw a reference to it on Twitter (@techinsider) the other day, my first thought was: JOKE.

But, nah.

The wearable, bionic chair is the LEX, the brainchild of Astride Bionics. And thanks to the kick that Kickstarter crowd funders got out of it last fall, it’s got current bragging rights as “the most crowdfunded exoskeleton project.” And thanks to those kickstarters, the LEX is now on the market.

What is the LEX? According to The Guardian, it’s:

…a pair of £200 foldable aluminium legs that you strap to your bum and lean against whenever your legs get a bit tired. (The Guardian)

While it’s the chair that you take with you, wherever, whenever, it’s also billed as a “posture-correction tool”:

…an exoskeleton that helps to keep your back in good alignment whether you’re sitting or standing. It even comes with something called a “load distribution module”, a little platform that you can rest your backpack on as you wear it, significantly lowering the burden on your spine.

And while someone who does not want to appear geeked out may not find the LEX all that attractive, Astride Bionics begs to differ.

TRULY begs to differ. According to their website:

The LEX takes wearable to a new level by becoming a discreet part of your clothing.

Really? Really and TRULY? In what universe is a pair of bright red titanium (?) poles attached to your back “a discreet part” of anyone’s clothing.

I’m sure that in another decade or two, these will be de rigueur. Given that Boomers are literally and figuratively on their last legs, and given that, at least in my subway riding experience, young folks aren’t as ready to offer their seats to geezers as once they were, these might well become the “what to give Grandpa” gift of the year. Or, if the price comes down, a Yankee Swap par excellence.

The Guardian article points out that the LEX may be something of an encumbrance when it comes to using the toilet. For women, anyway. But I’m guessing that the majority of the early adopter population for this is of the male variety, so LEX will have time to figure things out for the ladies.

Meanwhile, still hard not to think of it as some sort of geeks-in-Paradise joke.

But even if it is a joke, it’s not a bad joke.

Bad Joke

For those less interested in wearable tech:

A New York clothing company has introduced school shooting hoodies that have bullet holes in them and feature the names of four schools where nearly 100 students were shot to death, including Sandy Hook, Columbine, Marjory Stoneman Douglas and Virginia Tech. (Source: ABC News)

Because who wouldn’t want their Sandy Hook first-grader’s name slapped across some hipster’s hoodie?

The company responsible for this fashion statement is Bstroy, a “‘neo-native’ post-apocalypse streetwear brand” that specializes in $135 tee-shirts and $1,000 jeans. ($1K for jeans? Now that’s what I call post-apocalpytic!)

It almost goes without blogging that Bstroy has been mercilessly dragged (including by the families of school shooting victims) over their new clothing line.

In the company’s defense, one of its founders:

…Brick Owens, responded to the critics by releasing a statement on Instagram.

"Sometimes life can be painfully ironic," the statement read. "Like the irony of dying violently in a place you consider to be a safe, controlled environment, like school. We are reminded all the time of life’s fragility, shortness, and unpredictability yet we are also reminded of its infinite potential. It is this push and pull that creates the circular motion that is the cycle of life. Nirvana is the goal we hope to reach through meditation and healthy practices that counter our destructive habits. Samsara [the school shooting collection] is the cycle we must transcend to reach Nirvana."

Huh? I say, huh? Huh?

But The New York Times cleared things up for me.

These guys are the fashion spawn of Kanye and his Yeezy line. They’re the hip-hop generation “arriving in luxury fashion…haute street wear’s next generation of innovators and inspirations.”

As Brick and Du [Grams] of Bstroy conceive it, first will come the apocalypse, then the post-apocalypse, in which people will be seeking ways to survive. (Source: NY Times)

And if you’re wondering whether you’re ready to go neo-native.

And finally, after that, the period they’re designing for: the neo-native, in which those who have survived will begin building things anew.

For now, the Bstory guys are “empowering” through “storytelling”, “making violent statements” aimed at creating a “voice” that “will say things that everyone can wear.”

All this fashion-as-art stuff makes my head hurt. Kinda/sorta a personal apocalypse that I’m not quite certain I want to survive.

My bottom line is that I just can’t imagine anyone wanting to wear a pricey, bullet-riddled hoodie with the name of a Shady Hook first-grader on it.

Guess that makes it official. I’ve officially crossed the line between not and artist and outright philistine.