Turns out, he's an actor who starred in Entourage and a couple of other shows I had heard of. And he grew up with John Cusack, someone I am familiar with. I just hadn't heard of Jeremy Piven. Maybe if I had, it would seem worth it. Maybe.
But reading about Jeremy Piven's Zoom offering made me curious about Cameo, the company that's selling shares of Jeremy Piven's time.
While Zoom is opening up new and potentially more lucrative markets for Cameo, their bread and butter is "personalized video messages from your favorite celebrities." With a lineup of tens of thousands of athletes, actors, reality TV stars, comedians, musicians, creators, and political-ish figures, there's something for everyone.
Why, there's Boston Rob from Survivor. You can get a message from him for $150. If you'd rather Zoom, it's only $350 for a 10 minute chat. Definitely a bargain, especially when compared to Jeremy Piven. And if you think Kato Kaelin has disappeared, think again! For $60, Kato will wish you happy birthday, happy anniversary, congratulations, or whatever sort of hello you'd like from Kato. (O.J. Simpson is not on the roster, however.)
The largest group, with more than 8,000 names to choose from, is athletes. There's no Tom Brady. And although one of his brothers is available for a $29 greeting, Rob Gronkowski isn't on the list, either. The two former Patriots can rake in bigger money for appearances and ads, so why bother with a pedestrian video greeting to a member of the great unwashed. But the athletes on the list are by no means all the likes of the Lesser Gronkowski. For $500, Yankee great, reliever Mariano Rivera will say 'hi'. And for $750, David "Big Papi" Ortiz will do the same.
If you're interested in female athletes, why, there's Mia Hamm ($125), and, from the way back, Nadia Comaneci ($50).
Red Sox fans will be delighted to learn that, in addition to Big Papi, they can get a howdy from Jerry Remy ($50), Terry Francona ($110), Fred Lynn ($65), Johnny Damon - hiss, boo ($100), and Steve "Psycho" Lyons ($75). I don't know in what universe Steve Lyons' greeting is worth more than one from Fred Lynn, but that's the market for you. Meanwhile, I've already had a free greeting from Steve Lyons (a former player who does Red Sox analysis). Last season, at a game with my sister Trish, Steve Lyons walked by. When I recognized him, the word "Pscyho" (his nickname) jumped out of my mouth, and - lo and no-cost behold - Psycho, seemingly delighted to be recognized, turned around and gave us a bit of a smile and a wave.
My favorite star from the music world was Peter Noone, lead singer of Herman's Hermits, a British rock band of the early 1960's. Boomer special: $50. (Noone was probably my favorite because he was one of the few musicians on Cameo that I was familiar with.)
There's also the creator category, where you can hire celebrity blogger Perez Hilton for $90. Or - ugh, ugh, ugh - someone named Granny Potty Mouth for $36. Spare me, oh Lord, from the Granny Potty Mouths of the world. Something tells me that someone who goes by Potty Mouth is not much of a potty mouth (a term I fucking despise).
My favorite group is the political one. A lot of Trump impersonators out there; and one Elizabeth Warren imitator. If you're wondering what former Illinois Governor Rod Blagocevich ($80) and his wife Patti ($40) are doing since Trumpo sprung Rod from the hoosegow, well, they're on Cameo.
There's quite a group of right-wing "celebrities" seizing the day. Seb Gorka will give you a pep talk for $45 (the 45 being in honor of the 45th "president", as well as a recognition that's probably the max of what he's worth). Jacob Wohl, the little punk who runs fake press conferences dishing fake dirt on the likes of Robert Mueller and Elizabeth Warren, can also be had for $45. (How this ahole isn't in jail, I don't know. Maybe it's that he's just too ridiculous. He tried to smear E Warren by having some boy-toy claim they'd been in a B&D relationship.)
Roger Stone is trying to get some pre-prison earning in ($75), which is a bit more than Corey Lewandowski charges ($70). Sean Spicer, with the double glory of being a former Trump Press Secretary AND Dancing with the Stars loser, can command a hefty $199. But Omarosa only gets $55, even less than Gun Girl, who goes for $60.
Stormy Daniels out commands them all: $250 for a meet and greet without the meet.
Who can blame anyone for wanting to monetize their fame and/or notoriety, however minimal. And it would be a fun gift for someone who's a head-over-heels fan.
But Seb Gorka? Is it possible that he really does have admirers? Ooofff.
I guess it makes more sense to pay $45 to Seb Gorka to do his deep-voiced droning best to inspire than it does to shell out $15K to chat with Jeremy Piven.
What a wacky world we live in.
Quite a list, but my favorite has to be Rod and Patti. What on earth could they possibly have to say? And what would my mother be saying right now about those two?
ReplyDeleteJeremy Piven is famous for being the butt of a great line by playwright David Mamet. Piven was struggling during rehearsals of a play of Mamet's. He dropped out just as it was about to open, blaming mercury poisoning from eating too much sushi. That created an expensive problem for a Broadway production. Mamet put out a seemingly sympathetic press release, wishing Piven well in his new career as a thermometer.
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