Loner introvert passenger overboard!

I know, I know, whenever  I promise myself that I'm not going to do yet another post about cruises, and another post about how I can't bear the idea of going on one - other than, maybe, a river cruise, or a Baltics cruise, or a trip around some fiords somewhere. Those exceptions aside, the thought of taking a cruise gives me the willies. Big time. So when another opportunity to rag about cruises presented itself, I couldn't resist.

The opporunity is around and about the Royal Caribbean's Icon of the Seas, the "world's largest cruise ship," which had its maiden voyage in late January.

With the capacity to carry nearly 8,000 people, the 20-deck, 1,198-foot-long vessel is the size of a small city. There are eight “neighborhoods” packed with amenities that include a 55-foot waterfall, six water slides and more than 40 restaurants, bars and entertainment venues. (Source: NY Times)

That 1,198 foot-longness doesn't sound all that big, given that the Titanic, at 882 feet and 9 inches, was also a long boy. But size matters in ways other than length. The Icon has 20 decks, the Titanic a paltry 10. So the Icon is truly titanic. Alas, the name is taken, so I guess Royal Carib had to settle for Icon. 

And a garish icon it is. That riot of colors!  Not this mess. It's nerve-wracking just to think about it, let alone step toe on one of the Icon's one score worth of decks. (If I were to take a cruise, it would be on a sophisticated, subtle looking vessel.)

Twenty decks! Is it just me, or is this interior shot of all those tiers decks reminiscent of a maximum security prison? Shudder, shudder. 

As for the neighborhoods, I just can't imagine feeling at home in one of them. AquaDome, Central Park, Chill Island, Thrill Island, Royal Promenade, The Hideaway, Surfside, and Suite.

I couldn't resist looking up a couple these neighborhoods to see what they might be about. For your edification, The Hideaway is adults only, and features the first suspended infinity pool at sea. Because, of course, the world needed a oceanic suspended infinity pool. 

And if I want Central Park, I'll take myself to NYC, thank you.

But there's more going on than taking a plunge in the infinity pool or one of the other seven pools, or just chillin' in your 'hood.

There are all sorts of shows that, according to the Washington Post reviewer, are the equivalent of Broadway and/or Las Vegas. And a waterpark that features, among other things, 
"the first open free-fall slide at sea" (whatever that is) and "the tallest drop slide at sea" (whatever that is). And the largest ice skating rink at sea. 

There are parades, snake charmers, Venetian gondoliers, and the Stay Puft Marshallow Man.

Hellzapoppin! 

And, of course, endless opportunities to gorge yourself and/or drink yourself under the table. 

This is the stuff (my) nightmares are made of.

The best description of tripping on the Icon that I came across was from Keith Austin writing in the Sydney (Australia) Morning Herald, who found the cruise ship "bonkers." (Man after my own heart, he.) Austin wrote:

I am reminded of a friend who, after seeing one of the pre-cruise images put out by Royal Caribbean, commented: “That’s a cartoon, right?”

The Thrill Island waterpark on board is like some contraption Wile E. Coyote might create to capture the

Roadrunner.

Because that’s exactly what it feels like – a Looney Tunes cartoon come to life. The great, looping pipes and slides of the Thrill Island waterpark are like some contraption Wile E. Coyote might create to capture the Roadrunner. Or perhaps they’re the coloured intestines – all bright reds, yellows, blues, oranges and greens – of some cartoon monster that have erupted from the very top of the ship. 

Austin found the Good Ship Icon to be the "ocean-going lovechild of Looney Tunes and Las Vegas." He wrote that for the most part, the ship's color palette "sear(s) your eyeballs." Swell.

Much as I like Looney Tunes, the Icon of he Seas is no country for old loner introverts with an aversion to crowds and commotion.

I doubt that I would enjoy most "normal" cruises, but this one would definitely be a case of loner introvert passenger overboard! Right off the top deck and into the drink.