Welcome to the Funsch House

Dan and Sheree Funsch are rich. (Probably, anyway. What with assets vs. liabilities, you never really know.) They're not Forbes 400 rich. But they live the large large lifestyle of the rich (and not especially) famous. 

They have a number of homes, which you get to do if you're rich (probably or not). 

And one of their homes, Château Sheree, is now on the market.

Dan (early 60's) and Sherree (late 50's) are both in the beauty biz. When they were dating - they met in 2005 - Dan made Sheree a promise. 

“I told Sheree, ‘I’m going to build you the biggest, most beautiful home, and I’ll marry you, and you’ll move in,’” 

The result was Château Sheree, which is in Saddle River, New Jersey, one of the wealthiest enclaves in that state. 

Well, 16,000 square feet certainly puts it among the biggest. But "most beautiful" is sure in the eye of the beholder, and it's a tad bit too glitz and glam for this beholder's eye. 

Built with 47,000 sheets of 22-karat gold leaf, it has two pubs and a salon where Sheree Funsch said she tests products and gets her hair done...The estate has eight bedrooms, 13 fireplaces and a home theater, according to listing agent Vicki Gaily of Special Properties/Forbes Global Properties. In the foyer, there is a Cinderella staircase and a dome with a cherub mural inspired by François Boucher paintings the couple saw in Europe.

They paid an artist $1.5 million for the gold leaf and the home’s murals, which feature French gardens and countryside vistas, Dan Funsch said. The gold leaf, which is used throughout the house, took about eight months to apply, he said.

In the primary suite, the ornate ceiling was inspired by the Four Seasons Hotel George V in Paris, where the Funsches vacation. (Source: Mansion Global)

Sheree also has a walk-in closet that's two stories high. Which I guess makes it a climb-in closet. In keeping with the overall blinged out theme, the closet has a chandelier. Sheree calls the closet her "paradise," her "sanctuary."

I guess if let-them-eat-cake is your sort of thing, this is paradisial, sanctuarial, beautiful. 

Despite having that heaven-on-earth closet, the Funsches are selling the Funsch House. They've put it on the market for an eyelash under $10M. Which sure sounds like plenty, until you take into consideration that between buying the property, tearing the old inadequate house down, and building their dream house, the Funsches spent $16M on the Château.

I'm no business genius, and not that I've never done some pretty dumb (small-scale) spending of my own, but doesn't this sound kind of dumb?

But, no.

Dan Funsch wants the price to be "competitive in the local marketplace," and $16M is a bit too rich even for Saddle River's plenty-rich blood. Plus he built the house "for his wife and family enjoyment, rather than for a return on investment."

And, unlike Rudy Giuliani's trying to dump his homes so he can pay his legal bills, this is not a fire sale. 

The Funsches have found themselves spending their time on their superyacht, so they're looking at waterfront property that put's them closer to their boat. And when they're not superyachting, they have fallback places in Florida, Wyoming, and the Bahamas. 

Me? Even if I had $10M, needed 16K square feet worth of elbow room, and had the desire to live in Saddle River, Château Sheree would not be my cup of housing tea. 

Glitz and gilt. 47,000 square feet of 22 carat gold. That grotesquerie of a kitchen that looks entirely uncooked in. 

There's no accounting for taste, so I'm sure that there'll be a buyer out there. And if the Trumps have to sell off their NJ property in Bedminster, this might be up their alley. After all, it looks an awful lot like the pictures I've seen of their apartment in Trump Tower. 

And the Trumps are definitely the types who want to live in a place that looks like a hotel.