There are fantasies, and then there are FANTASIES. Part 1

One of my absolutely fav Christmas traditions is paging (virtually) through the annual Neiman Marcus catalogs. There's the pedestrian, everyone-can-afford-something catalog, featuring items like a $5K expresso machine and a $95 "personalized" version of Goodnight Moon. (Note to kiddie book buyers and readers: you can personalize the Goodnight Moon for free by using your words to add the kiddo's name every once in a while. E.g., rather than "goodnight stars/goodnight air/goodnight noises everywhere," you could say "goodnight [child's name goes here]/goodnight air/goodnight noises everywhere.)

But the real N-M Christmas gift to the world is the Fantasy Gifts catalog, which offers a bunch of outlandish - and

outlandishly pricey - experiences designed to cater to folks with a lot of discretionary spending power.

The fantasies aren't mine. But that's a good thing, because the price points are just a teensy-tiny bit out of range for the wallet in the Dooney & Bourke pocketbook I got at Nordstrom Rack.

What's in this year's book?

A Disney Animation Experience ($510,000)

For a mere half-a-mil (plus change) the "talented artists at the Walt Disney Animation Studios" will create an animated character of your very own you, using your very own voice, and plunked into a cameo appearance of "a special animated short video." (And by short they really do mean short. We're talking two-minutes long here.)

Now however talented these Disney artists are, it seems to me that most of us could find someone to create (using a design app or AI) an animated character using your very own voice, and give it more than a cameo appearance in a vid. For a lot less than $510K. So I figured that there must be a bit more to this experience. And there is a bit more.

Along with three buddies, you'll get a tour of the Animation Studios. There'll be "special meet-and-greets and photo opportunities," but it's not clear who are what those meet-and-greets and photo opps are with. Is it your fellow animated characters, like Olaf or Moana? Walt Disney's dead, so might it be Bob Iger?

There's also an invite to "the premiere of an upcoming major Disney film in Hollywood, California." 

I realize this ain't my fantasy at all, but it does seem like an awful little for an awful lot.

Olympic Games Paris 2024 with Ralph Lauren and Team USA ($210,000)

Well, at $210K, this experience is more reasonably priced. But going to the Olympics with Ralph Lauren? I mean, I love my Ralph Lauren PJ's an all, but Ralph Lauren has designed some of the most fug ugly team uniforms ever. And it's not exactly clear whether you're joining Ralph Lauren the actual human being designer or something else, as the description does say that you'll be "traveling with this renowned American brand."

But the trip for two does include three nights in an (unspecified) luxe hotel (hopefully bedbug-less), and dinner at Ralph's restaurant in Paris, which features American cuisine, which is definitely what you want to be eating when you're in Paris. I mean, who doesn't love a good burger and/or Maryland crab cakes?

When you're at Ralph's, you and your traveling companion will be kitted out in a Ralph Lauren outfit. Plus there's a lot of other RL clothing, including the uniforms for the Opening and Closing Ceremonies, which you'll get to attend. Plus you can hang out with the athletes (including legacies, along with sponsors and guests) at the Team USA House.

This experience might be worth it if you got to actually walk in the parade of nations for the Opening and Closing Ceremonies. Now that would be an experience. Alas, you'll be sitting in the stands like all the other Olympic fans and wannabes.

Yachting Treasure Hunt through Indonesia with Pelorus ($485,000)

Back in the half-a-mil range, there's a nine-day adventure for you and five friends that will take you to Bali and from there on an "experiential yacht expedition." Your first couple of days you'll be chillaxing with spa treatments, kayaking, diving and "immersing yourself in local communities and traditions."

Then, while savoring a private candlelit dinner in a secluded cove, a message in a bottle will signal the start of your treasure hunt.

The treasure hunt's clues will take you on a wend around Indonesia's islands and a jungle hike. At he end of the treasure hunt - and I'm pretty sure they don't let you miss any of the clues - there's a $150K voucher for N-M jewelry. As an extra-added feature, the yacht uses biodiesel fuel and "four-stroke outboard motors on tenders, which allow them to run cleanly and more economically." You know what would be cleaner and more economically? Not flying six people to Bali to swan around the Indonesian archipelago.

Cannes & Carats with Chopard ($500,000)
If you've got that half-mil for a Christmas splurge, you really like jewelry a lot more than what you could get at N-M for a paltry $150K worth of voucher, this experience might be your thang. You get a whopping $500K voucher to on a unique piece of Chopard something-or-other.

The rest of the experience: luxury hotel, a ticket to the Cannes Film Festival, a walk on the red carpet (after you've had your hair and makeup professionally done), hanging around "the famous Chopard rooftop at the Hôtel Martinez, as well as food and drinks from 10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m."

What happens at 7:00 p.m., I wonder? You're on your own snacking out of the Hôtel mini-fridge? And speaking of on your own, this appears to be an experience for one. Nothing wrong with solo traveling, but I'd feel like a goof walking the red carpet on my own.

All this fantasizing? I'm just exhausted. Back with Part 2 tomorrow.