Trademark this

As I sit here writing this post, I've got the Red Sox on. In what I expect will be a frequent theme this season, the beloved Olde Towne Team is losing. 

Sigh.

Last year they finished last in their division and were pretty much awful to watch from the first pitch of the season to the final out. I'm not expecting much more this season, and have held off on getting tickets, other than a pair for the Patriots Day Game next week. I'm guessing this is one of those years when, if I want to see a game in person, I'll be able to wait until the last minute and go for a steeply discounted seat on one of the scalper sites.

Despite their abysmal showing last season, the Red Sox - one of the most highly valued franchises in Boston - raised ticket prices this season. The nerve!

But when it comes to showing their inner greedy child, the Red Sox never hold back. 

I'm sure they ran the numbers - they're good at that - and figured out that, as long as there are lots of limited-interest-"fans"/tourists willing to pay big bucks for the thrill of seeing a game at America's Most Beloved Ballpark, they can afford if a lot of true fans drift away. 

But ticket prices weren't the only way that the Red Sox have been going after The Big Gouge.  

Until they asked to withdraw their trademark application, the Red Sox (through MLB) were looking for protected use of the name - wait for it! - "Boston." (Other teams in on this swindle were "Seattle" and "Houston." Guess all the other teams thought it was just too dumbass.)

The league’s intent wasn’t to take possession of the city’s name, [Red Sox principal owner John Henry] said.

“MLB’s intent was to protect these clubs’ use of their city name in connection with professional baseball services and apparel, not an attempt to own the city name or prevent others from using the city name,” Henry said. (Source: Boston Globe)

Didn't want to take possession oof the city's name? Just its use in conjunction with the word 'baseball?' Sure sounds like a pure greed play to me. And it's apparently not John Henry's first ride on the trademark rodeo. Henry's group also owns the Liverpool football club, and in 2019 tried to trademark the word "Liverpool."

Trademarking the word "Liverpool." To borrow from the Beatles, this was not fab. Nor was it gear. 

At the time, the club said that move was purely “in the context of football products and services” and to stop people benefiting from the sale of what they described as “inauthentic products,” the paper reported.

What, pray tell, is an "inauthentic product?" 

Presuming it had a headhole and two armholes, and an opening at the bottom, wouldn't a football jersey with Liverpool written on it be an actual, usable clothing item? Every bit as actual and usable as a jersey that the team was selling in their fab gear shop?

Same goes for the Red Sox. 

If I want something "authentic," I can go shopping in the blessed store outside of Fenway. Or buy something inside the park. 

As I write, I'm wearing an official, "authentic" Red Sox fleece that I paid a kabillion bucks for a couple of years back at said blessed store. It's China Blue - a very pretty color. And from the sportswear company Columbia. So, high quality. 

But, stupid me.

It has no pockets, and is also a pullover, when a zip front would be much better. What was I thinking? 

Maybe I should have bought something less authentic but more useful from a street vendor. Or from a store selling shirts that look like baseball shirts or caps that say "Boston" but don't have an "authentic" MLB tag on them. 

If they're not using the stylized Boston Red Sox "B" - and, frankly, even if they are - I'm sure fans know whether they bought something from the Red Sox or from a civilian. And they likely don't care. 

Several law professors were interviewed for the Globe article cited here. Their reaction to the attempt to trademark the word "Boston:" "ridiculous...really absurd"..."kind of ludicrous"...

One said: "This is like if Dunkin' Donuts tried to trademark, 'Caution: hot liquid.'"

What's popping into my head here is Logan Roy, evil, scheming, greedy paterfamilias to the evil, scheming, greedy Roy children, and head of the Waystar media empire in the HBO series Succession. Logan has a catchphrase: Oh, fuck off. 

But I'll be more polite here. 

On behalf of Red Sox Nation, and sensible people everywhere, here's what I have to say to John Henry. TRADEMARK THIS!