I love my annual trip over to goop.com to see just what Gwyneth Goop has curated for me.
This year, unfortunately, I have not had the time to give all of her tasteful, artful, goopful gift collections the once over. So I thought I'd concentrate on the Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide. Because if there's anything I think of when I think Gwyneth Paltrow - which, admittedly, I seldom do - it's ridiculous but awesome.
In truth, I was a bit disappointed.
There were a few pricey pocketbooks. Sure the prices - ranging from $6K+ to $8K+ - are absolutely ridiculous, but the bags weren't all that awesome. I'd put the wonderful periwinkle Dooney & Bourke bag I got for (comparatively) next to nothing at Nordstrom Rack up against any of the R but A bags.
If you are hell bent on getting into the Gucci bag world, without it setting you back a ton of coin, Goop does recommend tiny little Gucci purse you can use to hold your dog poop pickup bags. It's only $420 and is definitely an upgrade from the little black plastic, bone-shaped poop bag holders most dog owners sport. But really?
Did I forget to mention that the collection includes a Chanel bag: price available on request?
Hard pass.
For the fellows, there are a number of Rolex watches. But haven't Rolexes, whatever the price, been pretty much done to death? Yawn.
Gwyneth did promise us ridiculous. And awesome. And she does deliver, even if the ratio of ridiculous to awesome isn't exactly 1:1. More like 10:1. (I guess if you consider that much of the awesomeness is in the price, the ratios settle down.)
Thus, I'll give you:
And frankly, this baguette holder looks like it's going to a funeral.
Flamingo Estates sells a sack of shit for only $75. But I was disappointed to find that the SoS is not made up of flamingo crap but, rather, more pedestrian "free-range goat, horse, chicken, and cow manure." What ever's in it, it's supposed to work wonders on your roses.
There's a $50 hair color kit for dogs which just makes me sad. Sure, when I was a kid and saw pictures of pink and blue poodles in Look Magazine I thought they were swell, but I really don't think anyone should be dyeing their doggos. As they say, we don't deserve dogs. And dogs deserve better than being toyed with.
At least the price isn't that high.
Even better, price wise: a six pack of neon toilet paper for only 18.75 Euros. (Wasn't the pastel colored toilet paper of the 1960's phased out because the dye was good for neither tush nor environment. So whatup with neon?)
There's a joint-roller for $299 which, come to think of it, is a not so bad idea. It's been five decades or so, but when I first rolled a joint, I didn't. My friends and I would buy a pack of unfiltered cigarettes (think Camels), shimmy the tobacco out, and stuff the emptied cig with sinsemillia. Of course, out of embarrassment, we all eventually learned to roll a joint in Zig Zag cigarette papers, (fake) expertly licking the paper to seal it and twirling the edges. But, as with skiing, I never did it often enough to get really good at it. So, a joint-roller. Come on down. (Or is it up?)
Goop suggests a companion product: $3,900 worth of snacks. I guess that would save you the post-smoke run to the grocery store for a frozen pan of Sara Lee brownies. (As I recall, even though you have to gnaw on it, frozen Sara Lee brownies ain't all that bad. As I recall...but that's a good five decade recall...)
In the mid-range of the R but A collection, where the ratio of ridiculous to awesome is totally out of kilter, there's a spa day for $40K. Okay, it does include an overnight. Still, $40K???
But that $40K would be cheaping out, compared to $286,595 for a 3-night stay at each of three swank New Zealand lodges. I'd like to know how they came up with a number like $286,595. It seems so ridiculously precise. But if I do the math, this is way less than $40K per night in the spa, isn't it?
So much ridiculous. So much awesome. So little time.
Curate on, Madame Goop. You've almost got Ridiculous but Awesome down pat.
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