Baby CEO? Bleak? You ain't kidding!

Kids, from toddlers on, have always liked playing "work." For babies, most of the "work" they play at is around-the-house sort of stuff. 

They joyfully push the tiny plastic lawnmower, cheerfully fake wash dishes in the plastic kitchen sink, and gleefully hammer away with a plastic hammer. 

Sure, these days the little ones also make calls on fake smartphones, and tap away at the keyboards of fake laptops. But those little plastic smartphones and little plastic laptops aren't explicitly about work work. They're more about acknowledging the ubiquity and centrality of electronics in our lives. 

All the little plastic workish playthings already on the market apparently weren't enough for Fisher-Price.

Nope, they decided they needed to come up with an office-themed baby jumper, which artist/writer/baby dad came across when looking for a jumper for his kiddo.  As Rob posted in a series of tweets: 

Looking at baby jumpers and this office-themed "activity center" is so bleak. Prepare them for a life of demoralizing wage slavery by trapping them in Baby's First Cubicle! Includes their first shitty corporate laptop, calendar of bullshit meetings, and a kleenex box to cry in!

Begin the process of gradually eroding hopes and dreams early! It's never too soon to discover that the churn of capitalism is inescapable! The cell phone with an aspirational lock screen of a tropical vacation they'll never be able to take is a nice touch.

Obviously babies don’t know or care about the themes of these things, they just wanna smack shapes, chew on shit, it doesn’t matter. But then why make it THIS?? It’s more what this says about us, what we invite into our homes, the systems that control us limiting our imaginations. (Source: @rob_sheridan)

I'm with Rob Sheridan. 

Once they grasp a bit more about the concept of work, older kids may want to play "office." 

As a child, I don't remember pretending I was an office worker. The jobs my buddies and I played at were teacher/nun, nurse/doctor, soldier, priest (Necco Wafers = communion wafers). And, of course, movie star. 

But babies? As the man says, they just wanna smack shapes, chew on shit.

The boss baby jumper looks like the sort of toy - and, by the way, at $109 on Amazon, it's plenty Fisher-Pricey - that someone would buy because they found it kind of amusing. A baby gag gift. 

Hold their calls because your little CEO will have so much do in the Fisher-Price 2-in-1 Like a Boss Activity Center. Your baby can start off sitting in the entertainer’s spinning seat and interacting with fun activities around them. From a shape-sorter coffee mug to an interactive toy computer that plays lights, music & sounds, baby has everything they need for a productive day playing from home. Then, as your baby grows, replace the seat with a clacker bead bar to transform the infant activity center into a cool toddler table for standing-desk play. (Source: Amazon)

Sorry, Fisher-Price, I don't think there's anything "cool" about this mini-office set up.

What's wrong with baby jumpers with pandas, and lions, and puppies, and kitties...

At least the baby gets to be the boss, so that's at least something. And I guess the items in the Baby CEO Activity Center will help parents expand their baby CEO's vocabulary. Sure, you don't get to ask "what does the paperclip holdersay," but I suppose it will come in handy at some point that your kiddo knows what a desk plant is.

Oh, dear. Bleak is definitely the word.

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Tip of the grownup non-CEO cap to my sister Trish, who spotted this gem.