Pizza Pizza

With 1.2 guns per capita, the U.S. has the highest gun ownership level in the world. That's 120 per hundred Americans. Roughly one-third of all Americans own a gun - many of them have more than one, which accounts for the fact that we have more guns than we have capitas. And 44% of all Americans live in a house where there's a gun.

In contrast, Massachusetts is tied with New Jersey for having the lowest percentage of folks in the United States who live in a gun house. Only 14.7% of us Massachusettians - or, as we're so affectionately known, Massholes - live in a home where there's a gun close at hand. (Of course, when I see a stat like this, I do have to ask myself why we're the assholes.)

Not surprisingly, the most gun-toting states are places like Montana and Wyoming, where roughly two-thirds of all the folks live in a household with a gun presence. Of course, these are states where people go hunting, and that's fine with me. It may not be of interest to me, but I eat meat and wear leather, so I can't exactly object to someone who wants to fill their freezer with venison. 

If people want to play at target practice or sport shoot or whatever it's called, have at it. 

And although there'll never be a gun in my bedstand, a responsible person who has a gun for "protection", a gun that they know how to handle and to keep safe from others, is free to enjoy their 2A as far as I'm concerned. Just include me out.

What I really loathe and despise, however, are the ragers, the punks, the morons, the thugs, who can't strut out of their house without being strapped. Who worship at the gun nut altar. (More on that topic coming soon.) And who revel in open carry.

I am not going down the path of child-sociopath Kyle Rittenhouse. Or even the path of Gregory McMichael, Travis McMichael, and Roddie Bryan, the goons accused of murdering Ahmaud Arbery for the crime of running in a white neighborhood while Black, without fancy running shoes and shorts on, and - as one of the defense attorneys pointed out - with dirty toenails.

Or down the path of the many upon many evil-doers who shoot up schools, churches, business, stores, factories, and malls. 

But I am going down the path of one Charles Doty, Jr., a 53 year old maroon from Knoxville, Tennessee - a state where gun ownership is high - who recently "held up a Little Caesars in Cedar Bluff with an AK-47 rifle after being told his pepperoni pizza order would take ten minutes."

Okay, there is certainly a non-zero chance that Charles Doty, Jr., suffers from mental illness. But there's certainly an equal chance that he's a garden-variety moronic thug who needs an AK-47 to feel like a man, and who has no problem threatening others with it. Even if it's over a slowpoking pizza. (I advise that Charles Doty, Jr., if ever in Massachusetts, stay out of Tatte. The time it takes them to make a roasted cauliflower and caper sandwich. Let me tell you, it is not for the faint of waiting heart.)

Anyway, the scene at Little Caesar's must have been something. 

Doty placed his order and was told he'd have to wait that extra long ten minutes. Some pique is understandable. Who wants to wait 10 minutes for a bad pizza? So initially, Doty made a somewhat modest demand for his trouble: free bread sticks.

Turned down, he went outside to wait. Or not.

Soon enough, he was back in the shop. His hands not

occupied with the free bread sticks he wasn't granted, Doty was now holding his rifle, which he pointed at an employee and at a woman picking up her $6 pizza pizza. She offered him hers if only he'd leave.

If only...

Remarkably, and without getting a few rounds off, he did leave.

But he didn't leave for long:

According to the report, police later tracked him down and arrested him. He is charged with aggravated assault and especially aggravated kidnapping. (Source: Raw Story)

I would assume that Doty'll do some pizza- and gun-less time, but you never know. Tennessee may have some obscure law that allows an aggravated man to point a gun at someone if his pizza takes too long. Justifiable imbecility, or something. Maybe there's even a jury of his peers that'd let him off. ("Can't blame a fellow...")

After all, 

Tennessee's Republican-controlled legislature recently enacted what is known as a "permitless carry" law, allowing people to carry handguns without any training or licensing from the state — although that law does not apply to long guns like the AK-47. Federal background check laws still apply, although these can be circumvented by buying guns through private sales without the involvement of licensed dealers; websites like Armslist.com exist to facilitate these unchecked gun sales.

Okay. So the law doesn't apply to guns like AK-47's. I'd make that a "yet." Because, why not? Why not up the ante, and let unlicensed, untrained yahoos carry a military grade fully automatic assault rifle? 

What could possibly happen?

Nothing, that's what.

Just ask the pizza pizza guy at Little Caesar. Charles Doty didn't even get away with a free order of bread sticks, let alone with murder.