As PPP scams go, this one's at least a bit interesting

Scammers gonna scam, and when there's "free money" around, scammers really gonna scam. And the Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) that the Feds created to help businesses stay afloat during the pandemic had lots of "free money" floating around. 

Scammers are deploying their "free money" in any number of ways: flash cars, new duds, gambling sprees. And for one local fellow, Dana McIntyre - most recently of  Vermont; prior to that of Massachusetts - the thing to do with the $661,000 loan he was able to secure was a bit more interesting than the run of the millers.

According to the complaint, McIntyre sold the Rasta Pasta Pizzeria in Beverly, Massachusetts, after receiving the loan. McIntyre then used the money to buy the farm, several alpacas, at least two vehicles and airtime for a radio show focused on cryptocurrency, authorities allege. (Source: VT Diggers. That's their alpaca pic, too.)

McIntyre got the loan by lying about the number of employees he had at Rasta Pasta. He claimed that he had about 50 people working for him. Turns out, it was fewer than 10.

While we're on the subject of Rasta Pasta: Rasta Pasta??? Jamaican, mon, combined with good old Italian-American Italian, run by a jerk named McIntyre in the tony North Shore town of Beverly. Every time I find myself judging the genius of the American experience, something like this pops up. 

Rasta Pasta, which McIntyre sold after he closed the PPP Deal, is closed at the moment. So no plain slice, no cannoli, no reggae bowl for you, my friend. You may have better luck enjoying the PPP-purchased farm ("the best little alpaca farm in Vermont"):

On its website, Houghtonville Farm advertises packages such as "The Alpaca Experience," the "Family Alpaca Picnic" and "Wine, Cheese and Alpaca!" at rates starting at $99 an hour. The farm's website also offers alpaca products and listed an "Opening Day" event for nearby residents last Saturday. (Source: Salem News)

They also advertise breeding with a "proven" chocolate-colored male. $950, if you've got a female alpaca and wouldn't mind having a few baby alpacas (they're called crias, by the way; and, yes, I had to look this up) frolicking around your back forty. And who wouldn't. If only I had a back forty...

I wonder where this leaves the folks who, (presumably) in good faith, sold their alpaca farm to McIntyre? Do they get to keep the money? Do the Feds now buy the farm, as it were?

Anyway, McIntyre seems to have been up to plenty of no good:

Investigators also allege that McIntyre set up fictitious companies in his children's names in an attempt to obtain disaster loans.

Because of course McIntyre wanted lots of PPP. After all, his needs - make that desires - went beyond the mere alpaca farm. In February, he spent over $2K at a cosmetic spa, and:

McIntyre also allegedly used PPP funds to pay for a classic 1950 Hudson, a GMC Sierra truck and $6,500 to pay for airtime on WBOQ, a North Shore radio station, to host a paid program called "The Dana Crypto Show" where he talked about cryptocurrency.

He won't be needed any money for airtime for his cryptocurrency show. The radio station has taken it off the air. 

Anyhow, it sure isn't surprising that this would-be alpaca farmer is also into cryptocurrency, is it? (McIntyre also had a company that ran bitcoin ATMs, whatever they are.)

In McIntyre's defense, some of the money he allegedly scammed went to Rasta Pasta employees. So there is that. 

But the whole megillah looks like Dana McIntyre saw his chance to pack in just about everything his little heart has ever desired. Alpaca farm! 1950 Hudson! Fancy spa treatments! And all that money just sitting out there, waiting to do some mighty wish fulfillment for him.

McIntyre also has some charitable activities in his past.

In the early 2000s, when he owned a landscaping business in Salem, McIntyre served as president of the Salem Rotary Club. He helped lead a team of members who went to Bolivia to assist in a program to help children born with cleft lip and cleft palate. He also organized an annual holiday party for children in the state's foster care system and led efforts to raise funds for a community center in Salem's Point neighborhood.

I guess there really is honor among thieves.

If he's found guilty, McIntyre is facing a ton of prison time, plus fines. He probably should have stuck with Rasta Pasta and crypto.

And I'm not saying that it means anything, but on his LinkedIn page, McIntyre has an endorsement from someone with the last name of Crook. 

You. Just. Can't. Make. This. Stuff. Up.