Tis the season for the swag bag

On Sunday night, the Oscars ceremony was held. 

In keeping with tradition, I didn't watch it.

Even when I was in my film-going prime, the Academy Awards have never been all that interesting to me. The one year I remember watching was the year "Spotlight" won, which made me happy. But not so happy that I'd turn the Oscars on again. Even before we had the word 'meh' in our vocabulary, I was pretty much 'meh' on the Oscars. Too long. Too self-indulgent. Too self-congratulatory. Meh. And it's even meh-ier because I see so few movies. 

I just looked at the list. Most of them, I'll get around to seeing. Eventually. But a couple I've never even heard of.

What I do like looking at, however, is what's in the annual swag bag - the rich-get-richer goodies given to the nominees for the primo awards (best actor, actress, and director).   

The bag is stuffed - by marketing firm Distinctive Assets - with gifts valued at $205K (down by $20K from last year; talk about austerity). Stuffed with stuff that nobody actually needs (and that plenty of people just plain don't want), but it's a pretty good way to get some publicity for your products and services. (One year "Amy Adams was photographed wearing the “Strong is the New Skinny” T-shirt the day after her bag was delivered." ) And if you ask the company that puts them together, the swag bags serve a higher purpose.

“We did want the bags to feel like they had a bigger purpose than just, ‘Here's a bag full of free stuff,’” said Distinctive Assets 49-year-old founder Lash Fary, whose marketing company takes pains to make it clear the Academy has no association with the freebies. “So all of the bags that we've been doing have been from female-owned businesses, black-owned businesses, disabled entrepreneurs and companies who give back — even ones that you wouldn't necessarily think give back.” (Source: Forbes)

Side note: who names their kid Lash? Especially if your last name is Fary. 

What's in there?

• Little munchies like cookies and nuts
• Workout sessions with a celebrity trainer I've never heard of, unless you count my having heard of him in a previous post of a swag bag of yore
• A liposuction treatment
• Project management for the giftee's next home reno project
• High end covid masks
• An intravenous, immunity-bolstering vitamin infusion
• Antioxidants
• Breast health supplements 
• Candles made using essential oils (but of course: they don't call them oils essential for nothing)
• An acupuncture disc "which uses soundwaves instead of needles to promote healing" (and which I might actually look up; too bad I'm not nominated for anything. Wait until next year!)
• 24-karat gold vape cartridges 
• CBD sleep capsules
• Hemp salve (might be good in combo with that acupuncture disc!)
• A coffee table book called the "Don't Cookbook", which includes a QR code you can scan to find out which nearby restaurants can deliver avocado toast to your door. (Higher purpose alert: "A portion of the proceeds from each sale benefits restaurant workers affected by the pandemic.")
• Fancy tequila, bourbon, and vodka infused with "23-karat edible gold flakes." (What? No 24-karat edible gold flakes available?)
• For non-imbibers: tea
• Three pairs of sneakers selected by a personal shopper (selections chosen on the basis of a "style quiz" you've taken).
• A sweatshirt. Socks.

Most of the things in the bag are hang-around-the-house stuff. But there are two getaways in there: a four-night stay at a fancy SoCal spa, and a three-night stay in a lightkeeper's cottage (converted into a boutique hotel) on an island off the coast of Sweden - nicely socially distanced, this one!

Among the more eclectic gifts: A PETA emergency hammer to save dogs trapped in hot cars; the Poetry for Neanderthals game from Exploding Kittens (which comes with its own 2-foot inflatable club for bashing opponents); Tractive, a GPS location and activity tracker for pets; and the Muse S: The Brain Sensing Headband sleep tracker. And, in a nod to one of the media's latest fascinations, a non-fungible token. AdVenture Media and Taillard Capital will drop an NFT into each nominee’s gift bag that authenticates a piece of digital artwork to be auctioned off with proceeds benefiting a charity of the nominee’s choice. Funds raised from the sale of a Chadwick Boseman tribute NFT will benefit colon cancer foundations. The actor, who died in August at the age of 43, is nominated posthumously for a lead actor.

I'm not sure whether the Oscars are in-person or virtual this year, but the swag bags are being delivered via Postmates. 

I've got to say that some of the goodies look pretty good. But spare me the NFT and the "Brain Sensing Headband sleep tracker." I'll sense my own brain, thank you.

And in case you're wondering: giftees have to pay taxes on any gift they accept. 

Hurray for Hollywood!