What a little weasel

There are a couple of new members of Congress - most prominently rootin'-tootin'-shootin' Sarah Palin wannabe Lauren Boebert, and crackpot QAnon conspiracy theorist Marjorie Taylor Greene - who've been getting a lot of attention for behavior that makes the likes of Devin Nunes and Louie Gohmert seem positively Ciceronian, measured, and brainy in comparison. But let's not let the Boy Congressman from NC out of our sights just quite yet.

I'm hoping that, for all three, their constituents will smarten up and replace them in 2022. But for now (unless it's determined that any of them took and active part in the January 6th Insurrection), they're - just unbelievably - members of Congress.

And Madison Cawthorn merits our attention not just for his youth - he's only 25 - but for his complete lack of prior accomplishment and his stunningly fraudulent resume. Not to mention that he's a little Trump-worshipper who spoke at the January 6th rally.

If you can't immediately picture Cawthorn, he's the young 'un in the wheelchair, and it was via that wheelchair that he managed to roll into Congress to begin with.

He is actually paralyzed from the waist down. So the wheelchair is for real, and not like the legless fakery, say, of Eddie Murphy's character in Trading Places. And I'm quite sure it is devastating for anyone to end up in a wheelchair, paralyzed from the waist down. Especially a young man. And not succumbing to total and profound depression when you find yourself in a wheelchair at 18 should count for something.

But he sure has exploited the situation.

For example, one might infer from his campaign literature that he was on his way to the Naval Academy when the driver of the SUV he was riding in fell asleep at the wheel and off-roaded, which left Cawthorn so grievously injured. Trouble was, Cawthorn had already been rejected by Annapolis when he was in that accident. Almost but not quite a Stolen Valor situation. But not good.

Another impressive item on his running-for-office credentials is that he had a successful real-estate business. Not as successful and HUGE as a certain someone Cawthorn admired. But still. Trouble was, the company had one employee (Cawthorn) and no revenue. Which makes one kinda sorta think that it was ginned up to wow the voters when boy wonder ran for office. There's no Stolen Valor for real estate agents, as far as I know. But not good.

Then there was his bucket list trip to the Eagle's Nest, Hitler's vacation home. A little on the weird side, but if I were in the area, I'd look in. I've been to Dachau. Auschwitz. The site where Hitler's would-be assassin Claus Von Stauffenberg was shot in Berlin. History, etc. But in posting about his trip on Instagram, Cawthorn referred to Hitler as the Fuhrer. Oh.

But the thing that's gotten people really going is his pretending to be a Paralympian, on track to a record-breaking performance in the 2020 Paralympics before his worsening health situation got in the way. (This was obviously pre-COVID postponement.) 

Cawthorn frequently said on social media that he was “training” for the Paralympic Games. Technically, such a statement could be true—but only in the sense that I could be training for the Olympic Games. “It’s like a kid saying they want to play in the NBA when they’re on their fourth-grade basketball team,” said Amanda McGrory, a three-time Paralympian who has earned seven medals in track and field. Cawthorn stated on the Christian inspirational podcast The Heal, “I had an opportunity for the Paralympics for track and field.” He did not have that opportunity, nor does it appear he took any meaningful steps that would have led him there. (Source: The Nation)

Turns out Cawthorn's Paralympic dreams pretty much fall under the heading of wishful thinking. He was never on a team, never participated in qualifying rounds, was never part of the Paralympic scene. Completely unknown to the serious athletes, other than via his inane postings.

Like the video of himself performing for the camera, and narrating the video by suggesting that he's going "to break the world record for the 100-meter dash." Panting away while "training", Cawthorn said:

“Thirteen point seven six. To most of you it’s just a number. But for me, it’s all I can think about. Thirteen point seven six seconds is the world record for the 100-meter dash. So in Tokyo, August 2020, that world record’s going down.” 

This performative nonsense won Cawthorn something: the notice of real athletes, for whom he became something of a running joke. So claiming to be an athlete at the Paralympic level was sort of the athletic version of Stolen Valor. 

(I've seen the Paralympic marathoners coming into the home stretch at the Boston Marathon a few times. They are superb athletes, supremely fierce, totally conditioned. This is a serious business. I'm sure they despise pretenders. I would.)

And while this is the least of the issues with this guy, but here's his signature:

I know that, in this day and age, schools don't spend a whole lot of time on cursive writing. But wouldn't you think that a Member of Congress - in between stealing valor, selling real-estate, and training for the Paralympics - could have practiced an adult signature in which he spells his name correctly?

John Hancock lies a moldering in his grave. 

Of course, we should be more worried about what Cawthorn is doing in Congress, which so far is a combination of not much and god-awful. Like addressing the Insurrection Day mob.

Still, what a nasty little weasel this guy is. With poor handwriting, to boot. 

My Congressman, Stephen Lynch, is something of a throwback. He reminds me of the type of rep who would have repped Worcester in the 1930's. But if he's nothing outstanding or flashy, he's got a sort of plodding competence about him. He comes through. And I don't need to worry about him stealing valor, flashing the white power sign, or bucket listing Hitler. Let alone urging on the mob. Plus he went to parochial school. So I'm going bet that he has an adult signature. 

I'll take it!