Dr. Frankenstein, I presume.

There are all kinds of wacky and scary things that scientists can do when they start monkeying around. 

Case in point: researchers in Japan and Germany have been noodling around with marmoset brains.

Well I 'll be a monkey's uncle aunt.

Now by primate standards, even by monkey standards - because monkeys aren't much when compared to apes - marmosets are no great shakes. They're primitive little things, with tiny little brains that aren't doing much by way of thinking or doing. Of course, they're not completely devoid of intelligence. After all, like humans, marmosets swing from branches on the grand and glorious primate tree.  Just don't expect your average marmoset to start communicating using sign language, or pick up a tool and start hammering away. They're. Just. Monkeys.

But, hey, you're in the lab, and one idea leads to another and the next thing you know, you've decided to make "monkey brains double in size by splicing them with human genes in a “Planet of the Apes”-style experiment."

They found that the primates’ brains soon became more human-like by developing larger, more advanced neocortexes — the area that controls cognition and language, according to the study published in the journal Science in June.

According to images released by the researchers, the modified monkey brains nearly doubled in size at around 100 days into gestation. (Source: NY Post)

So "primates' brains soon became more human-like", you say?

To what end?

Seriously, if we're going to get into this type of engineering, I'd rather they try to make humans smarter. Maybe try to identify what makes someone believe a ridiculous conspiracy theory, and come up with some tweak to make them see more clearly. Or at least to keep their stupid conspiracy theory to themselves.

On the other hand, if the perfectibility of mankind isn't possible, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea to do some kind of "Planet of the Apes" thang and let the other primates run the show for a while. The feces hurling and shrieking might not be all that pleasant, but, hey, they might actually be able to do something about global warming. 

There may, after all, be something to what Dr. Cornelius read out from the sacred scrolls:

Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport, or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him. Drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death. (Source: Rotten Tomatoes)

Meanwhile, the marmoset experiment didn't fully play out. 

Ultimately, scientists opted to abort the monkey fetuses due to “unforeseeable consequences,” according to the release.

Wonder what those "unforeseeable consequences" were. Did the altered brains grow to big for the little marmoset skull to contain them? Or was it something more sinister? Did the scientists come into the lab one day and find that they were locked out, that there were tiny little marmosets in white coats holding beakers and making notes in their lab books? Did one of the marmosets look up, notice the human scientist, nudge one of their colleagues, and say in a snarky tone, "Dr. Frankenstein, I presume."