Artificial shrimp boats is a comin'

Okay. Cows belch and fart and do all sorts of things that degrade the environment. So we should cut down and out on beef. Impossible Burger, here we come. But cows that belch and fart are also the source of cheese and milk. So we need to cut the cheese and the milk out, too. Unless we want to go with vegan cheese. And almond milk. 

Chicken farms are also bad for the environment. Especially the water supply. And here you thought they were just bad for the chickens.

Then there's the little piggies. I like but rarely eat pork. I like but rarely eat pork sausage. But I do on more than a rare occasion like to bring home and cook the bacon. There's usually pancetta and/or "normal" bacon in my freezer, so I can whip up a spaghetti carbonara meal if needs be. Or have a bit of bacon with the omelet-that-turns-into-scrambled-eggs dinner. But bacon comes from pigs. And pigs create pig slurry, and while it can be used for fertilizer, sometimes the big slurry containment facilities fail to contain. Environmental disaster!

Since I try to have some shrimp in the freezer to thaw and throw on pasta or a salad or just directly into my mouth if needs be, I was hoping that shrimps were at least safe for the planet.

Apparently that's a hell to the no, too. 

Oh, shrimps don't belch methane. 

But shrimp farms tend to occupy coastal land that used to be covered in mangroves. Draining mangrove swamps to make way for aquaculture is even more harmful to the atmosphere than felling rainforest to provide pasture for cattle. A study conducted in 2017 ...concluded [that] a kilo of farmed shrimp was responsible for almost four times the greenhouse-gas emissions of a kilo of beef. Eating a surf-and-turf dinner of prawn cocktail and steak, the study warned, can be more polluting than driving across America in a petrol-fuelled car. (Source: The Economist)

Not to mention that shrimp farms are filthy and disease-ridden (for the shrimp). Anyway, there goes my bucket list plan to drive cross country, stopping all along the way to sample the local surf-and-turf. And there goes tonight's dinner "idea" about thawing out some shrimp...Life is sure becoming a no fun zone!

But if you think that eating wild shrimp is a righteous alternative, think again. 

Not only are wild shrimpers overfishing and destroying the shrimp grounds, which will soon make wild vs. farmed a moot point. No, shrimp-fishing vessels are hell holes of the seas, rife with human trafficking and child labor. And:

When UN investigators interviewed a sample of Cambodians who had escaped virtual slavery on Thai fishing boats, 59% of them reported seeing fellow crew-members murdered by the captain.

And you think that you've had some terrible managers...

So a Singapore company called Shiok Meats is looking to get into the shrimp biz. 

The firm aims to grow artificial shrimp, much as some Western firms are seeking to create beef without cows. The process involves propagating shrimp cells in a nutrient-rich solution.

They're starting small, looking to make "shrimp mince" for Chinese dumplings, and use the by-product as shrimp flavoring for odious products like the Tayto Scampi Crisps they sell in Ireland. (Word to the traveling-to-Ireland wise: don't even think about it.)

Eventually it plans to grow curved “whole” shrimp—without the head and shell, that is.

There's just one problem. Fake shrimp costs $5K a kilo to produce. Even if you compute what that means in real, natural, wholesome, American weights and measures, that's over $2,000 a pound. I'm out.

I suspect that, before my life is out, I'll become a vegan - voluntary or involuntary. 

Sigh...