And I'm also and always interested in finding out what's in the swag bags that are given to those nominated for one of the major awards: Best Actor/Actress, Best Supporting Actor/Actress, Best Director.
Not that any of these folks actually need anything that's in their swag bag, but, hey, who doesn't like to get presents - even if they turn around and give them away to charity and/or staff members. And for the companies that provide swags for the bags, it's great publicity.
Needless to say, the swag bags contain a lot more than any goodie bag you ever got at a wedding. More better than M&M's with the bride's and groom's initials on them. More better than a mug with the wedding date on it. More better than the good night cookie, the monogrammed shot glass, the packet of Kleenex in the wedding color scheme. More better even than a net bag full of Jordan almonds.
The swaggiest swag in this year's bag is a trip for two to Antarctica worth $78K. The trip is on an ultra-luxe yacht called the Scenic Eclipse. This is not your average run-of-the-mill ultra-luxe yacht. It contains 8 restaurants, a spa, a submarine and two helicopters. All the better to do an icecap jaunt and mingle with the penguins. I'd say the celebs better jump on this one quick. Get it while it's hot. Or still cold, as it were.
Antarctica is heating up - the highest temperature (65 degrees F) ever recorded there was recorded just the other day - and, thanks to global warming, the penguin colonies there are disappearing.
Looks like the scenery - flora and fauna, ice and snow - are becoming eclipsed. Permanently. So the Scenic Eclipse is pretty well named. And I'm guessing that excursions in which rich folks are helicoptered in to rub noses with penguins aren't exactly helping maintain the Antarctic environment.
If penguins aren't a gift baggee's thing, there's a trip for 8 to a Spanish lighthouse, and a five night stay at the Waikiki Beachcomber by Outrigger. This place bills itself as a "lifestyle" hotel, whatever that means. And it's "curated by local artists and tastemakers," a place where you can find "instagrammable aloha vibes.") (The marketing person who first began using the word "curated" should be barred for life from writing any more copy. Ditto for anyone using "instagrammable aloha vibes," but that might be a one-off. Curated is everywhere.)
All these trips! Bon voyage to the winners and the runners up.
If they happen to find themselves in Cabo, Mexico, on their own dime, winners and losers alike can snag a free dinner for two at Flora's Field Kitchen, which serves "handmade, fresh food." (So do I, on occasion. Although I can't vouch for a red pepper I've chopped up as "handmade." At least they aren't using the word artisanal.)
I suspect that someone who's gotten an Academy Award nomination no longer needs a life coach. But if they do, Jessica McGregor Johnson is gifting them with a private phone call. And a copy of her book: "The Right T-Shirt, Write Your Own Rules and Live the Life You Want." In addition to writing "The Right T-Shirt," Johnson was a Certified Passion Test Facilitator. (Passion, hmmm. Talk another of those words that should be banned. But maybe I'm just feeling pissy because my passion has never been tested by a certified facilitator.)
Then there are a couple of necklaces from do-gooder organizations. The lapis lazuli necklace uses gems from Afghanistan and proceeds from sales help American and Afghani military widows. The lariat necklace benefits disabled vets. But the handcrafted earrings appear to benefit the moi charity.
PETA is apparently now making sunglasses. Is there such a thing as vegan eyewear? There is in the swag bag. Plus they threw in subscription to a vegan meal service. I could be a vegetarian, but wouldn't want to go through life without eggs and dairy. Still, if someone gave me a free vegan meal service, I'd give it a whirl. And after Joaquin Phoenix's veganish acceptance speech for Best Actor...
Skincare is a big swag bag deal, and this year's bag edition includes a 24 karat gold bath bomb, which is made of "organic hyaluronic acid, purple Brazilian clay, and vegan coconut milk." Bombs away! Make that vegan bombs away!
There's a spa day, and up to $25K worth of cosmetic treatments, including Botox and injectables/fillers. But you have to go to NYC to collect on it. I guess you'd also have to go to NYC for your full-body performance evaluation package, as the doc who offers it is based in New York. So you could cut your costs and get your full-body eval and your Botox on one trip.
There's a bunch of other stuff, including a $20K per annun membership in a matchmaking service, Drawing Down the Moon. Forget about it, Best Supporting Actor Brad Pitt. Just call Jennifer Aniston up and give the matchmaking to someone who needs it.
On the low end, there's a couple of packages of Pepperidge Farm Milano's. Guaranteed that this is the one product that everyone will use!
Overall, the value of the swag bag is $215K. Which sounds like a lot, but last year's was worth $232K.
Despite that decrease, it sure does pay to get one of the biggy Academy Award nominations.
Sources for swag-fo: Cheatsheet and Newsweek.
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