What we're missing at CES 2020

Not that I'll ever actually be consuming any of them, but I always like to take a look at the new and exciting tech gadgetry introduced at CES (a.k.a., the Consumer Electronics Show). Because attending this particular trade show would be a hellscape to end all hellscapes (ginormous hellzapoppin' trade show + Las Vegas, baby), I have to rely on the kindness of the press to save me the trip.

This year, I'm relying on the reportage of The Telegraph (UK) to let me know what's up with respect to "bewildering parade of weird and wonderful gadgets" that CES always brings with it. 

The Bellabot food-delivery cat
Last year, PuduTech introduced a robot that delivered stuff in offices, shop floors, and wherever else there's stuff that needs to be delivered. This year, they've one-upped themselves with a robotic waiter. Now, we've all had experiences with robotic waiters, but this one is a meowing cat called BellaBot. 

Give it a scratch behind the ears upon receiving your order and it will purr with pleasure. But not for too long, with developers PuduTech saying that it “gets mad to remind you not to interrupt its job” in a mood swing worthy of a real moggy.

Why anyone would want their meal delivered by a moody cat is beyond me. I'd say the novelty wears off this one pretty fast. 

‘Smart’ litter trays
One thing that the BellaBot will not, of course, require, is a litter box. But for those with real kitties, "'smart' litter trays are all the rage."

LuluPet’s AI Smart Cat Litter Box, which is an honouree in CES 2020’s innovation award, is touted to have built-in stool and urine image recognition and "excretory behavioral algorithms". 

Umm, why?

Samsung rotating TV
Me, I'm cool with the typical horizonal display TV, but for folks who want to show off the vertical videos they've created on their phones for Insta or TikTok, Samsung's rotating TV would be just the thing. 

Lipstick mixer
L'Oreal has brought out the Perso lipstick mixer. 

It is a gadget that, when connected to a smartphone app, can mix up lipstick, foundation and skin-care products to your liking.

It can also connect to your social media accounts, allowing you to mix lipstick to match your favourite YouTube "influencer". 

Forget asking the "why" question. I give this one a big old "HUH???" 

Wearable subwoofer
This one turns your very own personal ribcage into a subwoofer. Something to do with virtual reality gaming.  Personally, I'd get more use out of the lipstick mixer or rotating TV. And since that use would be zero...

Samsung’s ‘SelfieType’ invisible keyboard
I'm a reasonably good touch typist, but I would think that a virtual keyboard would take some getting used to. Forget "look, Ma, no hands". This is "look, hands, no keyboard."  Where do you even begin. A hologram I get, but invisible? (And if you think the typos in text messages and Twitter are bad now...)

Smart bins
Knectek Labs is introducing a trash can (bin in Telegraph/Brit parlance) that's "self-sealing, overload-detecting and odour eliminating." And when the garbage can is full, you just give it a tap, "a sealed bag comes out" and a new bag has been put in place. When will we come to our senses about these nonsense applications of perfectly good technology? I detect overload by seeing when my can is getting full. I detect something smelly's in there by using my nose. I seal a bag by pulling the drawstrings tight. Do we really need to deploy sensors to do what humans are perfectly well equipped to take care of on their own? Sheesh. Just how onerous is to replace a trash bag?

Alexa-equipped showerhead
Kohler's Moxie is a showerhead with Alexa embedded in it. I guess it's useful for those incapable of singing in the shower unassisted. Or who can't stand to wait until they're showered and dried off before doing a regular old Alexa ask to find out that the Murmaids sang "Popsicles, Icicles."

Talking about teeth
I seem to remember at some point in the wayback being given a red pill that showed where you had missed spots when brushing your teeth. Well, Colgate's smart toothbrush senses plaque and keeps that plaque glowing until you've brushed it away. Not to be outdone, Oral-B "has released a 3D-mapping toothbrush, which shows where exactly someone hasn’t brushed." Maybe it's just me but, compared to the other gadgetry, a smart toothbrush sounds pretty useful.

Making moving wheely easy
Wheel.me is a voice-controlled smart castor system that lets you move furniture around until you get it right. (Also for use on shop floors, in offices to reconfigure walls, etc.) This seems like a pretty good idea, but how often do people need to complately reconfigure the furniture placement in their homes? I have reconfigured my living room a few times over 30 years, but as of now everything's pretty much where it's going to be. And am I the only one who fears that this could turn into a sorcerer's apprentice scenario of furniture whirling and swirling around. (Yes, I know that the broom multiplied, but you get the point..)

Anti-snore pillow
When Motion Pillow hears snoring, "four airbags within the pillow gently inflate and deflate to adjust the user's head position to stop it." I was married to a snorer, but still wouldn't have wished this on him. I would have wished it on the woman I shared a room with at a company conference once. The colleague I was supposed to share with had to cancel, and my roomie was someone I didn't know whose snoring would have woken the dead. Because I didn't know her, I was reluctant to walk over to her bed and give her a shove. I spent one night sleeping in the bathtub - not recommended - and spent most of the conference taking catnaps between sessions.

Making friends with a tennis ball
I do not get the Samsung Ballie atall, atall. 

Its simple ball shape is equipped with an in-bult camera, its voice-activated and Ballie can roll around to help you with daily tasks and interact with your other smart home devices.

I don't quite get how this helps with "daily tasks." Then again, I am singularly lacking in tech imagination. And why do you need a robot to "interact with your other smart home devices." Why not just eliminate the middle robot and do the interacting yourself? Another case of 'what do I know?'

Anyway, NONE of these gadgets make me wish I'd been to CES2020. I'd say maybe next year, but that, my friends, would be a lie.