Those who can, do

I’ve never really liked the saying “those who can, do; those who can’t, teach.”

Teaching in itself is something that people “do”. And not everyone who wants to teach actually can teach. When we encounter someone who’s a great teacher, we know it right away. And it’s a thing of beauty to behold.

Whether I like the saying or not, it sure came to mind when I read about University of Miami professor Bruce Bagley, an export on crime in the Latin America. Turns out, he was putting what he’d learned into action:

…laundering at least $3 million in dirty Venezuelan money through his own U.S. bank accounts and keeping about $300,000 as a fee for himself. (Source: Miami Herald)

Both doing and teaching, as it were.

In a story that sounds straight out of a Carl Hiaasen (who specializes in crime novels set in Florida, and populated with all sorts of eccentric characters and wild situations), Bagley set up bank accounts for South American no-gooders.

State records show he had operated “Bagley Consultants,” along with his wife, Annette Bagley.

According to a federal indictment, Bagley in November 2016 opened up an account at a bank in Weston in the company name. State corporate records show the company was dissolved some time in the following year.

But the account remained open, going little used until about November 2017, when he began receiving monthly deposits of “hundreds of thousands of dollars from bank accounts located in Switzerland and the United Arab Emirates,” according to the indictment.

The deposits came from two companies not named in the indictment…Their accounts were controlled by someone described in court papers only as a “Colombian individual.”

Swiss banks? UAE? “Colombian individual.” Nothing to see here. Move along, folks.

According to the feds, once the deposits were made, Bagley would get a cashier’s check for 90%, made payable to an unnamed person.

The individual and the professor discussed they were moving the money on behalf of the Colombian and that “the funds represented the proceeds from foreign bribery and embezzlement stolen from the Venezuelan people.”

Bagley, as it turns out, had written the book on the topic of bad actors: Drug Trafficking, Organized Crime, and Violence in the Americas Today. Guess he just couldn’t resist turning what he’d written into action. Guess he didn’t read (or write) the fine print.

Bagley is facing some serious time. He’s 73, so 20 years x 2 (or even x 1) would effectively be life in the stir.

The University has placed him on administrative leave.

And presumably, his life as an expert – commenting in top tier papers like the New York Times and Washington Post, acting as an expert witness – has come to a screeching halt.

As an expert witness, he hasn’t always appeared on the side of the angels:

In October, Bagley took the stand as an expert witness for the defense at a major drug-trafficking trial in Miami federal court. The trial featured a Colombian syndicate accused of conspiring to ship 20 tons of cocaine into the United States.

Teaching, Punditing. Experting. Conferencing.

And he threw this all over for a piddling $300K?

Maybe he was looking at his 401K and found he needed to sock away a bit more to ensure a more comfortable retirement for himself and Annette. Maybe he’s just greedy. Maybe the money was just too easy. Maybe writing about all that illegal money flowing to the bad guys was so frustrating, he felt the overwhelming need to wet his beak. As they say in wise-guy speak. 

The feds have had their eye on him for a while now – maybe they read the book – and last February caught him in a sting, sending nearly a quarter of a mil to his accounts, and telling him:

…the money came from corrupt sources in Venezuela, and watch[in]g as he happily accepted the cash. (Source: Miami New Times)

Bagley’s lawyers’ fees will likely exceed whatever he made through his money laundering. (Of course, he could have been doing this for years and have a lot more squirreled away that the feds haven’t found. Yet.)

Bet he’s wishing that he’d stuck to teaching instead of doing.

Meanwhile, there’s another bizarre rogue professor story making the rounds. This one is about a couple of chemists at a university in Arkansas who’ve been nabbed for running an on-campus meth lab.

Straight out of Breaking Bad.

Life imitating art.

Bet those fellows wish they’d stuck to teaching, too.